Schizophrenia

My family calls me crazy,
While seeing me lazy
I stare all night,
But I’m really suffering all night,
And I just want to rest all day,
But doesn’t allow me during the day
They wonder what am I thinking,
They didn’t know I’m just fearing
I see eyes that lie,
I see faces that fright and smile,
Not only in the dark but also in the lights
The voices that dare and scare
It’s too loud from the inside
I’m screaming inside
But it’s too quiet outside
I want to go outside
It freaks me out
Yet I just hear out
Then I saw dark shadow,
In the slatted window,
Like I just want to withdraw
I slapped my face,
I’m like in the chaotic base,
But I’m in a silent place
Seeing visions like there’s someone
But there’s really no one
Is this hallucination?
Because it plays to my imagination 
Wherever I go,
Whatever I do,
It follows me through
How I can ever stop this?
I don’t know,
Like I just want to crawl,
I think I am losing control
I tried to pray
But the voices answered like I’m a prey
I thought it’s angelic
But it sounds demonic
In this suffering,
I’m insane,
But I’m in vain
Am I still being attached to myself?
Because I really need some help
The ‘terror’ that scares me
I want to be free but it doesn’t allow me
Are there monsters inside me?
And I just realized it was all just me.
No one can save me.
I just smiled like what they do
I don’t know what I can do
I laughed like everything will do
Then I just survived myself like I always do.

I made a piece that about what a schizophrenic feels like. As a psychology student, I experienced to talk to a patient in a mental hospital for our psychological report in Clinical and Abnormal psychology subject. I interviewed a schizophrenic guy. He is very kind, he can normally talk, he jokes around, he laughs, he can understand, and can answer all my questions nicely. I asked not just about his mental disorder, but also his personal background, educational attainment, experiences, etc. I checked all his records there, what he said in the interview are all true. He graduated Bachelor of Science in Architecture, he has family that visits him every month. He said he's 19 when he started experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. According to him, he never wants to go to a mental hospital because he said there are times that the symptoms didn't persist, and he always hopes he'll be alright. But after finishing his course, he said it just suddenly persists all the time, but he still got a job. Then in the end, his family encouraged him to go to a mental hospital so he doesn't have a choice. He prays every day and night, but there's like really something within him. But despite of everything, he said he's thankful because he became more close to the Lord. 

Here are the things that people should know about schizophrenia according to psychology today. First of all, they're not violent. Second, they are still people. Third, schizophrenia is not a split personalities like Dissociative identity disorder. Fourth, they're not lost causes. Fifth, not everyone who has schizophrenia has the same symptoms.
They really wouldn't do some violent crimes and even though they have disorder, stop treating them or look at them like they're less humans. They can still work as anyone else working, doing tasks, and contributing as a member of a society as like as a normal person. Having a schizophrenia means trying to maintain a tenuous balance between the things their brains are telling them and their realities. They're just really trying the best that they can to live normal and balanced lives. The truth is, they are really kind, sensitive, smart, creative and deeply caring, so please don’t labels and treat them differently. They're not that dangerous.

Please don't criticize. Not because they don't look sick, they're ok. As like as depressive people, they look ok, but the fact is, they are really not. And not every mentally ill individual is affected by schizophrenia in the same way. Some hear voices, known as auditory hallucinations; some do not. Sometimes the voices telling them terrible things or say things you wouldn’t want to think about. But the schizophrenic individual knows that what he/she hears is wrong, and of course will never ever do what the 'voices' say. A schizophrenic individual can't simply “just get over with it”. His/her disorder can make him/her believe certain things that aren't real or even understandable. It seems like it's utterly illogical to you, but it is very real to a schizophrenic individual. Don’t argue, simply listen and move on.