She the Lost that Lose You

            This is me writing a letter for you.
           This is me writing a letter for myself.
                   There are still things I wanted to say, which of
                   course is unnecessary for you to know. Even if
                   you won't be able to read this, well at least for
                  somehow I have packed it all unto this text and
                  hopefully, it will be ALL.

        I want you to know that there are still times I'd suddenly miss your presence, that I'd wish you're still here with me. What would it be like if we're still together along with these wondrous things happening to us now? Will these things be the same if you were here? I wonder. But what I wonder the most is if you wonder of these things as well. I wonder if you miss me the same way I do to you. I wonder if you are mad at me and I wonder if you were grateful that us happened or do you curse it to the deepest hell possible? I wonder if I did great things for you, if I was one of the reasons that you're happier today. Sometimes, I wish I am but most often I'd wish that I am still the reason behind your genuine smiles.

       To tell you honestly, I still wonder of the things you do every single day. Do you still wake up by your dad's call or do you manage to wake up on your own? Do you still sleep with the pillow I gave you or have you kept it somewhere hidden? What changed, my dear? I'm curious. I'm curious because I miss you like hell. I'm curious because you still linger inside my head, pulling off every memories in familiar places. What changed? Aside from the fact that we are now apart, what else changed?

        Because I will hesitantly admit that for me, you are still the same person I have known. You will always have this same spot in my heart even if my spot in yours have been taken away by someone else. I will forever be thankful of you, of the love that you made me feel even if people have thought that our love was unreal. You will always be the person that made me the luckiestperson of all. And I am sorry for thinking that having a life without you would be the same, because ever since we broke apart, there's no single day I have felt complete. But worry not, because this is the fate I will face for letting such a person go. Worry not, someday I will be alright. Worry not, because the day will come that I'll forgive myself. Worry not, because until that day I would learn to love myself and until that day, I could find the reason why I have to let you go. Until that day, I promise to find myself and for the next time I might find you, I would no longer have to let go of you. When that day comes, I can fully love you and I could fully love myself, too.