Small Talk Within

Why?

Why, what?

I don't know. I just wanna ask why but... okay. Nevermind.

You always ask me that. I cannot give you an answer if you don't tell me what's bothering you.

'You' tell me. What is bothering 'me'?

You always find an excuse and deny it if I tell you.

I don't.

You do. I'm telling you now. You always think about December and how things were on that time. You always want to see if it worked the other way. You crave for the attention he'd given to you and you regret you pushed him away. And yet, you didn't want to change your decision because you knew it was just. You knew it will never work for the both of you. You wanted to try but you didn't want to take a risk. You made your decision, regret it but didn't want to change anything. So now 'I' ask you. Why?

Maybe because...

 I don't feel what I supposed to feel.

That I was looking for a spark. Or a little connection. But how can I feel those if we were a screen away. How will I know if its the genuine type of love we have if we can't even hold each other.

You don't wanna take a risk because of it and now you ask me why you both came back as a strangers. Silly. Of course! Who would want to be friend with someone who pushed them away thrice in a row? Definitely, not him. 

Then, it's my fault. I know. I just don't understand why am I reacting this way since I was the one who never gave it a shot .