'Look at you.' Gary beamed. 'So tall. When did you grow up so fast?'
I smacked him playfully on the arm. Inwardly, I'd felt like a child. Happy at the moment. Uncertain what might happen next. And unaware.
Completely unlike myself.
It had been three weeks since the accident and they'd removed most of my bandages. Except for the IV and the bandage adorning my head. Much to my horror disbelief.
I hadn't heard from Ben at all and still had to decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. This was Gary's third visit. He visited me once every week. Adriano and Bhash insisted that they stay but I forced them to resume their school. Its not like I would be alone or something.
Liar.
Truth was....I didn't know what I was anymore. I didn't know what I felt except that numb feeling inside me which kept receding then again overtaking. I was used to it.
I didn't even know where I stood then. What I was then.
'I was always tall.' I declared with an elegant flip of my hair. They'd cut it short, much to irritation. But it still was a bit below my neck. Still gorgeous, Gary ensured me, when I'd miserably complained about it.
'No.' He said. 'Did they pull you into oblivion or something while you were out? Because I swear-'
With a huff, I swung my body out of bed. The IV only allowing me to go so far.
'Whoah.' I said, balancing myself as I clutched Gary for support. My vision blurred and everything within my vicinity was swaying to and fro.
'Carla!' I stood still for a moment and let the haze pass. Once it was gone I saw a very irate Gary hovering beside me, then I grinned.
'Toldja.' I said, winking. I was still a bit woozy but it was passing.
'You're standing.' He commented. I stood still for a moment, giving him a blank look then looked down. Holy-
I was literally standing.
'Gary.' I exclaimed. 'You need to let the others know.
'What about the nurse and doctor, tall girl?' He asked, chuckling. I rolled my eyes at the nickname.
'Later.' I ordered. 'Now help me. I'm going to walk around and you need to assist me.'
I didn't wait for his agreement. I just started.
'The things I do for you, Tall girl.' He sighed dramatically.
'Only me.' I sighed back.
--- --- ---
'So...' He started.
'Don't.' I said, in a warning tone. 'I don't need anymore educational lectures, I missed out at school.'
He snorted.
'I don't give a damn.' He said, shaking his head. 'Who cares about that?'
'Whoever made you a Prefect.' I demanded. He chuckled.
'Someone who wants trouble?' He asked. I snorted.
It goes silent again. I welcome it. It reminds me of the time he asked about my parents. That was a comforting silence too. This was too.
'Carla....' He started. I looked at him. The numbness was back. So was the deep, heavy aching in my throat.
'What?' I croaked.
'Its not a crime.' He starts. 'Its not a crime to feel that way, to be that way. Thousands of people suffer from it everyday.'
'What if I don't want to be one of those thousands or a part of them?' I ask, with a hint of desperation in my tone. 'What if I want to be someone else for a change?'
'It doesn't work that way.' He says. He got up from the stool and made his way to my bed. I scooted a bit to the side and he then plopped down on it, looking straight ahead at the wall. 'There are methods to cope with it. Deal with what come after.' He sounds as if he's in a bit of a daze.
'And what comes after?' I demanded. 'I don't know who I am, or where I am, Ady. How do I know what comes after?'
His nickname always spouted up whenever we talked about something serious. I'd so far used it three weeks ago, before Ben had come. And then that time again.
A faint smile had hinted at the corner of his lips.
'You don't know what comes after.' He said simply. My frustration slightly alleviated. He wasn't making any sense to me.
'What do you mean?' I asked.
He looked at me briefly before facing the wall in front of us again.
'Some people call it depression.' He said. 'Some people call it an illness. Some people don't realize it. But they a require some help.'
'So what am I going through?' I asked. 'Do I have to label this now? Can I not remain who I was?'
'Broken?' He asked but I didn't flinch. He was right after all. 'A mess? Still stubborn?'
'The question is.' I continued. 'Do I need help? Am I not okay now? Can I get any better then this with help?'
He breathed heavily and reached for my hand.
'Yes.' He said after a slight pause. 'You might be okay now but there's a you in you. You need that Her.'
'I think you might be right.' I said after thinking about it for severall moments. 'I think- I think I want that her.'
'It doesn't aggravate just like that though.' He said and I noticed that the ache was not as noticeable. That the numbness was starting to fade. 'Situations make them who they are. Not necessarily bad though. Its always on the persons point of view.'
'And what is your point if view?' I asked him. He squeezed my hand tighter. The moment was calm and perfect somehow. Lights off, silence and our whispered voices. It felt right.
He looked at me and this time he didn't look anywhere else. He stared and I stared back. Maybe I was just lost.
'That you deserve a chance.' He said a bit fiercely.
Did I?
Maybe... I'd figure it out. Along the way.
'What about we start now?' He asked. There was a certain light in his eyes that day and it made them almost shine in the dark.
'What do you mean?' I asked him. He just grinned and helped me up and out of bed. Then, slowly he guided his hands into mine and our fingers entwined.
My breathing hitched.
Way too fast, I was thinking, this is going way too fast. I just met him. I hardly know him.
That's a lie, another part of me said, you've known him since you were young.
But I still tried to act nonchalant about it. He was holding me gently, like we were about to dance.
'Where's the music?' I whispered to him. He smiled and we swayed. Slowly.
'Do we need it?' He asked. 'I think we all have our own tunes to dance to.'
'I can't dance.' I blurted. He swayed me again.
'That's what they all say.' But his tone wasn't mocking. It was soft.
'I'm serious.....' I began but he gave me a look.
'Shh.' He said. 'Take a break. In order to heal, you need to believe in it. You need to forget and forgive. You need to let go.'
'I'm not big on forgiving.' I admitted softly. 'Or letting go.'
'Then don't think about it now.' He just said. 'Just sway.'
We did just that.
©AkshayaGadre