Sorry. Not born to be your Girlfriend.

Hi! You here for another story.  A love story maybe. What if I tell you this isn't one. Will, you still read it?
Oh sorry?...I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Avni. Yes, I'm a girl, and people often say they find me beautiful. Should I tell you my age too? Okay, let's leave it a mystery as of now. You are here to read a story and this happens to be mine this time, so let's start it.

With everyone trying to be unique and different out in this world of more than 7 billion people, it has become difficult to tell what someone actually wants to be. And when you are a girl it even gets much difficult to live life the way you want. I know many of you might have started judging me out, that maybe I'm going to tell you a tale that will be around feminism and gender equality. And #tbh (to be honest) I don't know what it is about. It's simply my story.

As a butterfly has it's phases of transformation my life was also transforming from one phase to another. The only difference is that the butterfly grows to be beautiful and free after escaping from its cocoon. Whereas I became more confined.

Life shifted its gear and it was time for me to leave my hometown to pursue my higher education. Leaving the hometown was more than just leaving the hometown. I had my breakup and leaving home and going to a new place made me more heartbroken. And to add to the reasons for the sadness in my life it was never my decision to pursue my Masters. But life never stops moving forward like the time never does.

New city, new college, new people. It almost felt like the beginning of a new life where I can become a new person. The first day of the college started with the induction program which was kinda boring at first. But things became better from time to time. Every student was asked to give their introduction one by one. The way everyone was introducing themselves it made me realise that how everyone is so unique but similar at the same time. But there were more than 150 students and it wasn't possible for everyone to introduce themselves. I was hesitated for going there in front of everyone in the seminar hall and introduce myself like many of the students were doing. And luckily, it never happened. But my home and all the memories I left behind were always in front of my eyes.

The second day of college life in the new city begins. I along with Megha prepared our breakfast and headed to the college unknown of the fact what will be the schedule for today. Did I mention Megha before? I guess No. Sorry...sorry..my story without Megha is incomplete like the rain without the clouds. Megha happens to my best friend. She has always been there in all my ups and downs. We both completed our school and college together and now we have started pursuing our Masters together. The next we all had to reach the seminar hall again. After reaching the seminar hall sharp at 9.00 A.M. we were asked to fill a form. And I did a mistake while filling the form and to my bad luck no cuttings were allowed in that. I wanted a new form. Then this boy who was sitting just adjacent to me whom I never saw or met before told me to not worry and brought a new form. I found him decent and sweet by his actions and looks. Maybe it was time to know the new students and make some new friends and the process started with meeting Mohit. The form was asked to fill because of the activity which our department planned for us. The activity for today was a trip to a nearby tourist place and before going there the teacher asked us to form a WhatsApp group where all the students are added so that any details can be easily conveyed to each one of us. So the group invite link was shown with the help of a projector and we all joined the group.

Now, we all were divided into a group of 50 students each and 3 buses were assigned for this trip. This moment helped me escape from all the bad and sad memories and feelings which had me trapped most of the time. This was quite a wonderful experience and it was important for helping the students interact more and more with each other. We clicked many pictures there and everything was going so perfect. I was more of a fun kind of person at that time who easily interacted with others. People loved being friends with me. Mohit also accompanied me on this trip along with Megha as my constant partner like she is in every good and bad thing I did. The ended well and I was tired and we reached back to our rooms by 4 P.m.

Unlike the way, my day went all jolly and nice, the nights were nothing but full of loneliness. All the flashbacks and the moments which I always cherished were now scratching my heart and were giving me the heart-wrenching pain. It almost felt like those moments want to escape from the deepest core of my heart where I stored them as I would never let them go. The breakup I had done literally broke me. I was heartbroken as well as I was broke out of happiness. All I was full of was pain and pain. I could've only shared the description of my feelings with Megha but I can't share the sorrow that grows every day within me. I know now you might be thinking why did I really leave the person I was so deeply in love with. So let me tell you. Do you want to know or should I skip and tell you the story I really want to tell you? Anyways I will tell you the story I'm here to share. So it's up to you what you want now? Okay, let's do it I will keep it short.

My past relationship was a beautiful journey in which I starting loving myself in the process of loving the person whom I loved. I just saw Ravi as a human being capable of loving me before thinking of falling for him. But not all stories deserve a happy ending. And as we grew in our relationship it became obvious that at least our story doesn't deserve one. The day we were born into a family of different castes with parents abiding the conservative rules to marry their children in the same caste. This is not just my case but many of the Indian children face this issue. Love is said to be free of any boundation yet to love someone and be together with them for life you gotta stay in the boundaries. Finally, after leaving my hometown Ravi and I both decided to end our beautiful relationship and try to move forward in our lives without each other. It was easier said than done. It was an unwanted separation rather being a breakup. It was a conditional breakup of our unconditional love. And this almost made it impossible for me to move on in my life.

Knock...Knock. Now let's go back to my main story. It's our 3rd and the last day of our induction program. The same morning routine, prepare the breakfast and head back to college. I wonder what will happen in college today. Today we reached the Seminar Hall at 8.50 A.m. and Mohit was already there. He reserved seats for us. Today we had some fun quiz activities that were organized by the students who were in their final year of graduation. A shuffling was done and 3 teams were formed. In this process, Megha, Mohit, and I were now all in different teams. The quiz was interesting and I was all lost in it. I really enjoyed it. It wasn't a typical boring quiz. It was curated more to be a fun activity. And then we had a photo session for the college Id cards which surprisingly took the rest of the remaining college time. It's night time and I was again going to feel lonely and get drenched in the ocean of pain. However, I heard a notification sound from my phone which was kept for charging. And when I checked my phone and opened WhatsApp there were more than 1000+ msgs on a new WhatsApp group in which someone added me. There was also a message from an unknown number.

"Hi?"

I didn't give a second thought to it and replied back.

 "Hi? Who's this?"

"I'm Aman from the same course and new admission as you."
"Hi, Aman?."

And with this, we started talking and I was able to escape this lonely night. It was quite a normal chat in which we talked about each other. Most of the time it was Aman who asked questions and I just replied. He took my number from the college group which I joined via the group link. I didn't felt anything fishy about it and found him genuine by his talks. Also, I wanted to get off from the painful feelings and lonely night so chatting with him felt good and refreshing. It was like a diversion for my mind.

With passing days Aman starting acting weirdly. I only talked to him like any classmate in the class and he started to ask me out for meeting him. It was getting weird. He started acting like a jerk. I was just being a little frank and he took it for granted. I started ignoring him to get rid off him. Meanwhile, Mohit was becoming a good friend and I started feeling like a friend with him. So one day while we were chatting all the past stuff I told him about my breakup. And this was the greatest mistake I did. Me sharing things about my breakup and acting frankly with him was all that he needed to think that I have feelings for him.  But it was nothing like it at all. I was just being a friend with him but now things were getting crazy. His friends starting teasing him with my name. It was getting obvious this was not at all looking like what I thought about him. The more new people entered my life and mostly boys it was becoming a task for me to make them go away from my life.

Mohit was a good friend and I was ok with his company so I devised a plan to make it clear to him that I'm not interested in him. Megha and I had a friend who is also in love with me but unlike these whom I met, he never made me felt that he just want to be with me for being in a relationship. Raghav was a very understanding person and I know he truly loves me. But I wasn't prepared to say "yes" to him. Not yet when I'm still hanging in my past. No way I can hurt him for a moment of happiness in my life. So to get rid of Mohit Megha gave me an Idea to upload a picture of Raghav and me. I liked the idea and did it. The picture almost looked as if I and Raghav were couples.

The plan worked but not perfectly. Mohit now knew that I wasn't interested in him the way he thinks I'm. I was happy being friends with him. But from that day he never talked with me the way he used to before. I felt bad about it because it was now clear that he was talking with me just for the sake of having a relationship with me. Why can't he be friends with me?

This was a terrible experience with me. And it's not just me but the story of almost most of the girls. They are misjudged. They can't be naturally frank with any boy because she doesn't know the motive behind the boy being a friend with her. I don't know why most of the boys think every Single girl is out there searching for a boyfriend. Dude? this shit doesn't work like this. You got it all wrong from the beginning. Sorry. Not born to be your Girlfriend. I'm capable enough to choose when I want to be in a relationship with someone. And now don't start putting the tantrum of the statements by #NehaDhupia from #roadies. It's not about #itsherchoice but also about because Neha Dhupia said that. And it's true not all boys are the same as not all girls are. There are boys like Raghav and many others who are friends with me and they help me not because they want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with me. It's because they enjoy my company and being a friend with me. I feel good about moving forward in my life and having great support from a #bestfriend like Megha. I met both kinds of people on this journey of my life, those who were made me felt like it's not good to be the person I am and I should be confined to myself. And also those who made me felt like this world is really a better place to live if you have some good company with you.

People like Megha, Raghav, and many others are the ones who made me realize that I'm not born to be caged and trapped within me. I should not change myself because others judge me wrong. Now I'm back to my best version. I make friends, I am following my dreams and I'm moving forward in my life. I'm finally becoming a butterfly and discovering the beautiful flowers in the garden of life. This life is full of nectar of beautiful moments. Let's extract them out while we can. Because Life is too short to live on regrets.

This is not just a story of me but a story of many girls. Do share this story if you feel this happened with you. This is not just a story rather a situation that should change.