30 minutes from now, I'll be cutting my wrists. 2 hours from now, you'll find me and my bloody mess. 5 hours from now, people who knew me would come rushing down the morgue to see my lifeless body.
And those who were close to me wouldn't believe that the once liveliest girl is now cold and lifeless.
I know a lot of you are surprised. I know a lot of you expected more from me. However, I ended up like this and I'm sorry to disappoint but I'm not as strong as you think. And I was never the fighter you taught me to be.
All I was was a weak lonely girl. A quitter, a loser -- I was never great. Sorry to break this to you, but I have always been a fragile girl.
The last moments of my life were not really that special. As usual, I was faking my smile. Surprise, surprise! You didn't even know it was fake. I was already dying inside but you had no idea.
It's okay though, because I wanted it that way. I wanted you not to worry. I wanted you not to care.
Because when you care so much, you get hurt. And when you get hurt, you get broken. And little by little, you lose a part of yourself. Until you'll realize in the end that you're broken beyond repair.
That's why I strayed and tried to push you away. Because loneliness is infectious and I don't want you going through the same thing I went through.
For the past 18 years of my life, I regretted no decision. And this last decision that I made wouldn't be my first. In other words, I wanted this so there's no reason to regret. I have lost all hope anyways. I just have to let go.
Call me foolish or selfish, I'll take it all up. I'm done with judgments; I'm gone anyways. Still, I'm sorry for being a coward and saying goodbye late. I'm just that eager to leave; that eager to escape.
Do you hate me now? Or pity me at the least? If you do, can you please stop? Because what point would it have? I'm gone and dead and probably rotting in hell. If you're sad about me, then do me one last favor. Free yourself from that sadness because I have already freed myself from my struggles and pain.