I am slowly dying inside.
This is what I feel. I know I have many things to be thankful for. I have beautiful resons to live but oftentimes, I feel my chest tighten and I wish I could just vanish.
I'm tired of overthinking. I'm tired of recalling bad memories. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being tired. Most of all, I'm tired of showing everyone that I am okay because I'm not and if I truly mattered to them, they should have known it or they should have felt it. Then again, in the end, no one cares about what's really going because everyone's busy with their lives so I'm left alone to feel all of this.
I try to make myself busy all the time. I like it when I'm so tired I end up sleeping the whole day. I like sleeping because I can't think. When I'm doing something, I forget how I feel and I like that. But I'm no superhuman. Within my 24 hours, there's that time of the day when everything just crashes and I hate that time. I feel helpless. I want to count on my friends but I don't like bothering people. I think have bothered others just because of my mere existence.
I pray. I do but sometimes, it just doesnt work and that makes me feelmore depressed. I know I only have God to lean on. I draw my strength from Him so when my prayers are unheard, the more I feel sad.
I don't know what to do. I'm writing this for others who might be feeling this way to know that you are not alone. Some of us go through this. You're not crazy coz I still think I'm not. I am aware of every details of my feelings.
Somehow, I know I have hope. I have hope that everything will be okay but for now, I am clueless as to when this feeling would end.
I'm just tired of feeling tired.