To My Sun

It's been so long since I've felt like this. Since I've felt my heart bursting with emotion, since I've felt the words wanting to jump out of my mind and into existence. I haven't felt like this since, well since you've been gone.

Our story was unlikely, made up of chance encounters, dumb moments and reckless decisions. Or at least that's how I would describe it.

I call you the way that I do because that's what you are to me, you were bright, shining. The first few times that I met you, I could hardly look you straight in the eyes because of how afraid and nervous I was. Whenever we talked the first few times, I could not help but stutter. The tension was enough to make me sweat even though we were in an air conditioned library.

The moments with you were magical, every single one of them I will remember fondly. They were moments that made me happy, moments that hurt me and moments that me cry rivers. You are and will always be my one great love. I know that this is cruel, that this is unfair, still I have no regrets in saying this.

You made me feel like I have never felt before, you made me do things I never thought I could, you gave me inspiration for things that I never even thought of. These words cannot express how much I value having met you.

Alas, we were not meant to be together. Even then, and now I could clearly see it, we were never meant to be anything more. That is simply how it is. And though I am happy now, as I am sure that you have found happiness too, the moments that I had with you will always be looked upon in rose-tinted lenses.

When the day that we die comes, and if ever we are reborn anew. Should our paths ever cross once more in our next lives, even if we meet in the worst possible way, I am certain that I will fall for you again. And maybe then it will be possible. But if not, I will still be happy for being able to meet you all over again.

I have found love, and am content. But you are and will always be My Sun, you are that summer love that comes and goes, that first drop of snow in the winter, the scent of a hot meal after a long day, the wonder in the eyes of a child who has seen magic for the first time. You are wonderful, yet fleeting.

It may sound presumptious of me, but I am sure that you are the only person who can make me feel this way. The only person who can make me write this way. Who fills my heart with pain and happiness at the same time and yet, puts a smile on my face.

As much as I want to, I don't think I can let you go completely. And the people around me have long been tired of my stories about us, though I will always find wonder in them.

In saying this, I think that I will keep writing about you. Not out of a desire to be with you, no. I am past that. This is merely to polish treasured memories, feelings that I can only remember fondly now. You are, and always will be the only person who I can write for like this, pour my heart out like this.

I am writing this, not for you, but for me. Of course, having you read this would make me glad. But more than that, this is to remind me that some things can never be, and yet they can still make us unbelievably happy. It is similar to a shout into the void.

Wherever you may be, whatever you may be doing, I hope that you are well and happy. I hope that you are able to achieve the things that you wanted and that you are content. I will always be thankful for having you in my life, My Sun, Celine. Xi. Thank you for making me happy. I would be a much different person now if not for you. If fate ever wills it, I hope we can meet again.