I may act chill. I may act normally. I may reply as if nothing happened.
But it's not okay. I'm not okay.
Being rejected, being ignored, being used, being friendzoned and the list can go on, is never okay. But still, I chose to keep mum about how I felt. I preferred to cry on my own. I chose to pretend to be okay because my explanations don't matter to you. I mean, you are not stupid not to know what would hurt someone but still you did because you just don't care at all. I don't know what to think about you anymore. I can't imagine how some time when we were together (well, technically not as a couple), I wanted you in my future. How could I have wanted you, a person who didn't have a bit of concern for my feelings?
But since this one's for you, let me tell you this:
It fuckin' hurts.
And while we never needed to break up because we never had a label, I am going through the same shit as a woman who's had a bad break up. The worst part? It's the apology that never came. While you are on your own living your life, here I am, asking myself what's and why's to the point of doubting my self worth.
Was I not good enough for you?
As time passes, I get to realize, prolly the only you fault you made was leading me on, giving me hope and dropping me off your life without an explanation. You were like a thief but you stole yourself from me because I thought I already had you, somehow.
Bottomline, I comfort myself by saying maybe you are just not the one for me yet I still cry for you for what we had, for what I lost, for something I can never have back.
So everytime you communicate with me, please think twice, I may not say these words but I feel every letters, words, spaces and punctuation marks of this letter to you.