To Us That Never Was

Dear You,

I woke up strange today. I can say that it is not the usual pain I used to have seen in the mirror first thing in the late morning, not the chapped lips of my hidden truths, not the lying eyes of my smiles, not the uneven skin of my insecurities, not the tangled hair-like situation of my life, not even these hardly matched clothes to hide the scars.

It felt like several cuts I can't find where. It felt like sudden short of breaths, a gentle to hard press in the chest, making your body weak, making more for your mind to think.

I lose some part of me that belongs to you. Funny thing is you didn't want to. How could I start ending something that never really happened between us? How can I say when was it over? How can I know how?

We've come into the end we've created. I see nothing to see ahead of us. We keep battling with the truth. We will never be together as to how we wanted. We'll never raise our kids as to how it was planned. We will never have the longest we thought of taking meaningful stopovers with.

I will miss the long drives we never have. I will miss the future we've wished for. I will miss things you've given me to lose. I will miss us. I will miss you, and guilt comes because there's a voice saying I should not. But yes, I will miss you, I know in my heart because right now I've been missing you a lot like I never missed someone like this before.

I wish you well. I may sometimes wish you felt the same way as me but not this time, not this pain, not the loneliness, never this heartbreak, never as this lost like me.

I hope there's no need for goodbye.

Love,

Me