Tripped

Connor remembered the day he met Ell: He was sitting in the back of the room in third grade, trying to see if he could dig holes in the floor with his toe, like he could in the sand box. Ell was standing in front of the room, head held high, jaw stiff, eyes cold. You knew once your eyes met Ell’s that no shit would be taken. Ell frowned at Connor as the teacher pointed at the seat next to him.

Connor felt strange no one had ever avoided him like Ell did. He wanted to know more and more about Ell. One day he was drawing a tiger on the back of his homework when he glanced over to see Ell smiling at his desk. Even when he smiled back, Ell didn’t look away, but instead spoke. “I like your tiger, it’s my favorite animal. Do you wanna see my drawing?” Connor nodded his head yes, still in shock that Ell had spoken to him, complimenting his drawing even. It was amazing, Ell’s drawing; it was so detailed, much better than his own. In comparison it looked like nothing more than a toddler’s scribbles. Connor couldn’t help but smile at the fact that it was a polar bear. “Polar bears are my favorite animal.”

“Here.” they both said, pushing the homework sheets into each other's hands.

“Sorry mine isn’t as good as yours, Ell.” Ell’s eyes rolled.

“Whatever Coni, I love it.” They both left class that day with smiles on their faces.

Connor couldn’t wait to tell his mom about his new friend and his new nickname, Coni. Neither child would be turning in their homework the next day. The two children soon became inseparable, whether it was in the classroom or on the playground they were always close enough that if they reached their leg out, their toes could touch. This would last for many years.

Ell was often referred to as the ‘wild child’ of the two, always leading them into new, blood-curdling adventures that they both had countless scars to prove it.

Now Connor, thinking about Ell and all their years together, sitting on his bed throwing his baseball at the ceiling and catching it in his glove. “Wow Coni I didn’t realize I was walking into a nineties sitcom” Connor shot up faster than he knew he could in mid throw, the baseball fell and hit him square on the top of his head, which made Ell laugh. “Where’d you come from Ell” Connor said rubbing the top of his head “eh here and there” Ell said with a shrug followed by a smirk, Connor knew that smirk, Ell was looking to get into some trouble and Connor was gonna be in on it., “So Coni” another smirk “are you ready?” “ready for what Ell?” he said, preparing himself for the worst “our adventure of course” Ell’s smirk now a full blown grin. Connor’s stomach tightened this adventure would be bigger than the others he knew it by the look in Ell’s eyes and how restless Ell was acting, something about tonight was gonna be different than all the others. “Come on scaredy cat it's adventure time” Ell glided out of the room with the grace of the breeze and Connor stumbled after like a crippled elephant. The two sat atop the hood of Ell’s car staring up at the night sky and playing their favorite game, remember when. “Remember when that kid kenny called you a pansy in eighth grade Coni?” “yeah and you pushed him up against a wall and kicked the crap outta him” Connor smiled at this memory

“ remember when Josh Feller hit you in the back of the head with a football and yelled at you to cut your hair?” “yeah and you rampaged after him I've never seen you hit anyone like that, never seen you so angry” they both smirked up at the sky even when it began to rain. They played remember when late into the night, the next morning they awoke still on the hood of Ell’s car. The rain had stopped but they were soaked to the bone, the blanket that now lay over them was surprisingly dry, not entirely soaked through which made him wonder when Ell had retrieved it from the trunk. Connor opened one eye, it was sunny and Ell was still snoring next to him. He opened his other eye to see Ell’s face better it was the same as always just as sharp as always yet round at the same time. Ell’s eyes could go from calm to full of excitement in half a second, but right now they were closed and pink. Connor suddenly had the urge to get up, to stop staring at Ell the way he was. He wondered if when he fell asleep first which he always did if Ell ever studied him, no he thought his face was far too plain no where near as fascinating as Ell’s.

They drove down the deserted dirt road, it looked as if it had no end. Connor wished it didn’t. He felt guilty for needing Ell to save him from the shit he got in just for being him. Ell told him to shut the fuck up no one minded. The parents even stopped getting concerned when Ell came home with a detention slip to sign, they knew the bond they shared even at such a young age and that Ell was fearless, wouldn’t back down to anyone especially if connor was involved.

All the sore, red knuckles and bloody noses Ell received and dealt out on a regular basis all because he couldn’t stick up for himself, he couldn’t be like Ell but he would defend Ell in a heartbeat which was a comfort they didn’t have to watch their own backs because they did it for one another. Ell’s eyes fluttered open in the passenger seat. “Hey Coni” “hey Ell something's been picking my brain, can I ask you a question” Ell’s eyes rolled “I know what you're gonna ask your gonna ask me what my full name is” “and your still gonna give me the same answer huh? One day?.” Ell laughed deep and full “ you know it Coni one day you shall know my deep dark secret, but alas today is not that day” little did they know that day was sooner than they thought. Connor sighed and turned onto the main road as Ell drifted back to sleep.

They made it home just in time for Ell to go to baseball practice. Connor sat in his room all alone, people weren’t allowed at baseball practice only games and for Ell he went to every one. Baseball was the first thing Ell ever joined without connor because he had refused to stand there and get hit with baseballs. The first thing they hadn’t joined together all because Connor was too chicken it wasn’t like he wouldn’t be good at it now, he’d filled out, grown taller, gotten faster, still he wouldn’t join he thought Ell enjoyed having a little piece of life outside of him, having no idea that it drove him crazy. His phone buzzed just before he thought he would explode, seeing Ell’s name on the screen shook him to full consciousness “Hey Coni I forgot my helmet do you think you could pick it up and bring it to me?” it read. He replied and grabbed his keys.

He didn’t knock when he got to Ell’s house, he didn’t have to no one was home. He climbed the stairs with much haste, grabbed the bright red helmet from Ell’s room but he froze. Front and center on Ell’s shelf instead of the championship trophy Ell’s team won last year was a memory book, their memory book. He gently brushed it expecting it to leave a layer of dust on his finger tips but no it looked as if was recently cleaned, recently opened. He noticed something sticking out of the book, he opened to the page marked. He saw two smiling faces, both of them standing in his hallway Ell in a little doctor outfit, him in a little hospital gown, it was halloween and they had a new fascination with hospitals and surgeries. Ell was a surgeon in bloody scrubs, himself, a patient in a bloodied gown. Ironically that was the halloween they both ended up in the hospital for poisoning. Someone from the neighborhood had slipped something into the candy they handed out, they were to excited by their heaping bags of candy to wait for their parents to check every single piece and they paid the price. “Jesus” he said to the empty house “we even get poisoned together” then he remembered the red helmet in his hand and ran out to his car, right past Ell’s mother who had just pulled up. They exchanged hello’s and he excused himself holding up the helmet “Ell needs this” Ell’s mother smiled and muttered something about her child’s forgetfulness, there was something in the way she smiled at him, like she knew, it terrified him. Did she know about him, his thoughts, was he that transparent, did she know how he felt toward Ell. Would she tell Ell.

Connor pulled up to the curb staring at the field trying to locate his school’s team, they were running bases at the near side of the field. He took a deep breathe and got out, walking slowly towards the running people in uniform. He spotted Ell instantly talking with a group of guys, He knew it was foolish but he felt jealous. He focused on walking towards them, hiding any bit of the anger he felt inside, every bit of embarrassment he felt about coming here evaporated when he saw Ell smiling at him just a little, slyly as if saying “ it's okay, we hold a secret” he walked up and gently pushed the helmet towards Ell their hands brushed and he was frozen while Ell paused for a second but acted like it was nothing and it probably was. It still filled him with a feeling like he was filled to the brim with gasoline and Ell just lit a match holding it a mere inch above him, with that look, the Ell look, The one he knew oh so well, the one that said “try me bud I wanna play” he waited for the match to drop, but it didn’t, not then. He said he had homework, he didn’t Ell knew he didn’t. Before anything could be said, he ran. He wondered how much longer he could fake this, how long until the match would drop.

Connor went home and took a shower, he still felt like gasoline was covering him inside and out and the match was still there above him burning, threatening him with the thought of ending up a burning fire ball. He decided his only escape would be sleep. The sun wasn’t even down yet. But he got into sweats and slipped under his covers, laying in the dim light of his room. He awoke to the sound of tapping coming from the window he stumbled clumsily through the pitch black room. He saw Ell’s face in the dim light of the moon. He opened the window and Ell climbed through. “Hey Coni” Ell whispered “hey Ell” he whispered back. He felt embarrassment, standing there in only sweats “what’s with the late night window arrival?” He asked trying to imitate Ell’s playful smirk. Except Ell wasn't smirking at him Nor looking at him. Ell walked straight to his bed laid down and passed out, all within 30 seconds. Connor didn’t know what to do, he and Ell had stopped sleeping in the same bed in the summer before eighth grade. Just because they figured they should. But Ell was not moving and he was not gonna go down stairs to the couch. He laid down next to Ell, careful to not disturb his sleeping friend. He felt Ell’s head fall on his shoulder, he froze and then thought of how ridiculous he was being how innocent this all was, how he and Ell were close, how they were best friends and had been forever. Still he couldn’t move nothing was more amazing than watching Ell, no matter what Ell was doing. But of all things sleeping Ell was his favorite, jesus he thought as he chuckled to himself, Ell even smirked while sleeping.

He woke up to Ell snuggled neatly under his arm in between him and the wall. He laid there for just a moment just long enough to put the memory in his head forever then he left the room to go make breakfast. How would Ell react to waking up in his arms? he pondered, he was so distracted he burnt the eggs, just the way Ell liked them. He laughed at himself, a booming laugh that filled the whole house. Down the stairs came a very sleepy faced Ell, he almost spilt the eggs when he looked up. “ Jesus Ell you almost made me spill breakfast” he said trying to look irritated, he couldn’t when Ell smirked like that. “Whatever Coni it’s not my fault you're a scaredy cat I swear you’d spook at your own shadow” he rolled his eyes, gave Ell the burnt scrambled eggs, and spun back around he needed to keep himself busy, he needed to not have all his focus on Ell, on sleepy faced Ell. That's how they ended up with a small buffet for breakfast and the kitchen became absolutely spotless. After eating their feast they planted themselves in front of the T.V, they stayed like that for hours. Never even once discussing the nature of Ell’s late night window climb.

When Connor opened his eyes the T.V was still going but Ell was gone. He looked at the clock 6:30 it read, Ell was at practice. He checked his phone, Ell’s name didn’t pop up, no forgotten helmet today, he sighed was he really so sad, so pathetic that he hoped Ell would forget something and need him to come to the rescue. Ell wasn’t the one who needed saving he was, he felt guilty again thinking of how much easier Ell would have it even now if he could just look out for himself. He sighed and shook his head and started for his room. His little sister Shay stood in her doorway eyeing him suspiciously “where’s Ell?” his jaw stiffened, he had made one drunken mistake and told his sister his deepest secret and she held it over him like a sting and he were a cat, but she never let him have it she just toyed with him over and over again, she knew so much, she knew everything that he was working so hard to hide, the way he was, the way he felt. “Ell’s at baseball practice” He shoved passed her to get into his room “Dad’s gonna kill you when he finds out about Ell being here” “no he won’t why would he?” “he will when he finds out about you” “how would he manage to find that out Shay?” he said, eyes narrowing, ears burning, fists clenched almost as tight as his teeth. “Who knows Connor who knows” and in that moment he hated her, he truly hated her, he wanted to light her room on fire and keep her locked inside. But then the moment passed and he slipped behind his closed door. Shay wouldn’t tell she was evil but she wasn’t heartless she wouldn’t tell anyone about his feelings especially not Ell. He hoped.

Connor sat in his room earbuds in, homework out. His music was so loud that he hadn’t heard his father enter his room and sit down at the end of his bed. Connor jumped when he felt his leg being touched, he ripped out his earbuds and the room was filled with the words of Apocalyptica’s- I don’t care. He paused his music after watching his father cringe, he clearly had no taste. “Hows school”? He asked still on edge from the sound of his son's music “I’ve survived, after all I have Ell” “yeah yeah you do” he smiled gently “but what about academically?” “ Again I’ve survived, I’m doing my homework as we speak”. His father sighed, it wasn’t that he was disappointed in him, he just connected better with Ell. “How’s baseball going for Ell” right on cue his father brought up his friend, he hoped that he hadn’t noticed his stomach closing in on itself “Ell’s the best on the team, like always” Ell was like the kid his father never had, the one that was into sports and motorcycles and such things, he had no idea about Ell’s other side the one who liked drawing and music. Infact once Shay came along he even heard his father say “well now I have three kids” Ell’s smile was brighter than the sun. “Hey Ell look, we have a little sister” he said and Ell smiled even brighter. Connor thought he’d end up blind but he didn't care, even back then Ell was a wonder to him. That was many years ago, when they first met and now they were seventeen, about to finish high school. Where had the time gone?.

Ell glided into his room the next morning, and fell onto his floor “Coni are you awake” “I am now Ell” he said trying not to let his smile slip into his voice. He loved seeing Ell in the morning, he almost thought Ell knew it too because often the task of changing into day clothes and brushing hair was ignored when his house was the only destination on Ell’s list.“I am so boreddddd” Ell said stressing the word like a restless child would. “Well why don’t you call Johanna and Trevor” Connor said jokingly, they hated those two fools more than anyone else on the earth. Ell tackled him, laughing loudly as they wrestled with each other. Connor was thrown off guard and took a few seconds to react but they ended up out of breathe on the floor laughing soundlessly, just another sunday morning. They plodded down the stairs after each other Connor’s mother smiled at them from below “hey kids, are you hungry?” she asked all the while eyeing Connor the same way Ell’s mother had, lord why were they doing that, what did they know.

Ell and him ate cereal and talked to Connor’s mother about graduation “I really don’t know what to do after high school heck freshman year had me thinking it’d never end” Ell said in between mouthfuls of eggs and bacon. “Yeah I know what you mean it was a challenge just to keep my head above water this year, it felt endless.” Connor exclaimed “Coni you surely didn’t mind the way you gawked at alice all year” Ell said teasingly, god Ell didn’t know either or maybe Ell was pretending just as he was, his mother looked at him with shock “who’s alice?” “no one” connor said as he carried his plate away from the table towards the kitchen. Ell thought that when he stared, he was staring at the girl Alice who sat behind Ell’s seat. No never he thought to himself he saw no one else, only Ell.

The words of Bulletproof heart by My Chemical Romance filled the still muggy air, they raced down the desert road throwing up sand storms behind them, chasing them, but in that moment they could not be stopped by anything. Ell drifted hard off the road and into the endless dry landscape, thankfully they borrowed his father’s pickup truck since the bushes would scratch Connor’s own car. They screamed along to the music filled with adrenaline and freedom. the truck bed whipped into a drift so hard that it lifted off the ground and almost rolled the truck, they froze looking at eachother as if waiting for glass to shatter in their faces. All was still, they burst into laughter, the kind of laughter that steals all your breathe and fills you with warmth and makes the moment seem endless but nothing is permanent, no one is permanent. Connor couldn’t let Ell make him forget the fact that nobody stays.

Connor stood in the stands of Hanley Field, cheering and clapping along with the rest of the crowd. Ell’s team was tied at 6 with a couple of out of towners called the Blue Jays, their pitcher definitely practiced twice as much as the rest of the team, it showed. Ell stood at Home plate with bat in hand, two outs already down, the pitcher threw the ball faster than you’d think possible and Ell swung harder than people did in the majors. Everyone closed their eyes tight, they just couldn’t watch, but they sure could hear the clack of the bat on the ball it was practically deafening, eyes opened just in time to see it soar over the wall and Ell ran the home run. The silence wasn’t broken until Ell’s foot touched home plate again, Connor liked to think he roared the loudest.

Ell walked towards him in the way only Ell could, running one hand through the short black hair rubbing out the hat head left by Ell’s baseball cap, it was freshly cut. Why was he noticing all this it was just gonna sit stored away in his mind forever in the vault of Ell he held deep in his mind. “Coni did you have fun?” Ell said with a wink. Connor was confused which Ell caught immediately “ uh Alice was sitting by you dummy” oh yeah Alice he hadn’t noticed her, Ell had all his attention. Always. “I never saw her I was watching you” He paused “ I uh I I mean the game, I was too busy watching the game to notice Alice” god he stammered like an idiot. Ell smirked.

Ell showed up at Connor’s house at three in the morning, for once a look of panic filled Ell’s whole body and Connor had a loss of words. Connor sat Ell down on the couch and went to get a glass of water, when he came back Ell was crying. “What the hell is going on Ell” He said letting the anger rush with his words, He hadn’t seen Ell cry in ages. “Save me, save me, save me” Ell whispered through the tears curling up into a ball. Ell’s pupils were dilated and sweat dropped to the floor like rain. Ell was on acid, and it looked like the trip was bad. “Don't let them get me, save me, save me please they’re coming Connor they’re coming and they're gonna kill me” Ell had curled up in the corner of the room, pushing up against the walls as if they would become one. Suddenly Ell shot up like a rocket standing tall and strong, stepping away from the corner, facing whatever horrifying image the drugs created, the one Connor could not see nor protect Ell from. Without warning Ell laughed, loud and triumphantly and fell straight to the floor, Connor swooped low to stop Ell’s body from hitting the hard tile, slightly struggling with the unfamiliar weight, and they sat there like that silently till Ell began crying once again. Connor had to make it stop Ell crying felt as unnatural as a fish calling the sandy desert home. He had to make it stop, he’d do anything to stop Ell’s tears, he thought of cracking an egg on his head but he was afraid of leaving Ell alone incase the visions returned, he also didn't want to ever stop cradling Ell in his arms. But then he had an idea. “Hey Ell can I ask you a question?” the two teens smirked “nice try Coni, but today is not the day” and with that Ell finally slipped unconscious.

Connor woke up just before his father made his way down the long oak staircase, his footsteps could not mask the sound of the blood racing in his veins. He shot up and laid Ell out on the couch as if that was where his friend had slept last night, instead of cradled in his lap, tripping on acid. He frantically searched for a blanket and draped it over Ell with a silent flourish and hugged tight to the wall as his father entered the still dimly light living room doorway and he silently slipped out behind him to go get dressed and return down stairs as if he had slept in his room, in his bed where his father believed he belonged.

“Hey dad, off to work?” Connor said as he entered the room, now in new clothing, he even dampened his short brown hair, creating the illusion that he just exited the shower. His father shook his head yes, sipping his coffee with care and pointed towards the couch raising an eyebrow questionably. “Oh yeah Ell passed out on the couch last night” he said trying to control his own voice, while his father glared at him almost like he knew too, how could everyone know but Ell. Connor looked up to see his father staring at him with confusion “ I said why did Ell need the couch, there’s a bed down the street hell a whole house, what happened?” “nothing happened, Ell just came over and crashed. It’s no big deal” Connor said trying to sound calm and reasonable, begging himself not to stammer. His father swished whatever was left of his coffee about his mug, staring at it as if would tell him how to deal with his son, who he didn’t connect with as much as he did his friend, because he knew, he was in denial but he knew. “Well clean up after yourselves, be good” his father said eyeing him as if it were a warning. And without another word he grabbed his keys and walked to his car. Leaving Connor to be alone with himself, he hated being alone with himself the only thing to do was think, think, think. So to block out the thoughts and the adorable snores of his wonderful Ell, he put in his earbuds and waited for the match to drop.

He scowled at Shay as she entered the room, getting an equally cautious look in return. She glanced at the couch and smirked smugly, mouthing Ell and shaking her head. Connor tripped her as she walked by, and she hit the floor with a soft thud, waking Ell from a sound slumber, Shay glared at her brother, threatening him, their siblingship had become nothing but a game of cat and mouse. He needed to be more careful with what he let out when intoxicated, the she devil already knew two of his deepest secrets. What’s to stop her from unveiling him to the world. Or worse to never do it and keep him on his toes forever.

Ell not surprisingly said “I could eat as much as a panda” which much to his embarrassment sent connor into a report level speech about pandas and their eating habits, and in response Ell just smiled, Shay rolling her eyes and grabbing a box of granola bars climbed the stairs back to her room. The two walked out to Connor’s car and went to the mud hole, a buffet with a smiling muddy pig on the sign that they both loved dining at. All through breakfast the two laughed and made a total mess, as if a family with four children had just sat at their table, not two seventeen year olds. Much to Ell’s protests, Connor picked up the check “Well I’ll pay you back or pick it up next time” Ell said with a smile, Connor shook his head and smirked “Okay you know how you can pay me back?” Ell’s eyes rolled like a tumbleweed “Not today Coni” and they left.

The two stood under their favorite bridge in the park, passing the whiskey Connor stole from his father’s special cabinet late the night before. Ell’s head flew back in laughter at something stupid Connor muttered under his breath about the ducks swimming in the lake. “QUACK” they both began screaming towards the lake, suddenly Ell fell quiet and looked at Connor, he looked over and all he saw was the smirk, they nodded and before the ducks had a chance to escape the two friends cannonballed into the middle of the lake. Splashing and laughing and fake drowning each other in the darkness. Connor filled with adrenaline let the match inch closer and closer to him and his gasoline, as Ell popped up out of the water, their lips connected and Connor panicked, swimming away and walking straight to his car and driving away, Ell still in the lake.

Connor stood staring over the now empty parking lot leaning against his little red car, the early morning air made his lungs sting with it’s icy coldness. He tried to remember why he left Ell standing there, alone in the dark in the lake. He still couldn't control his breathing he had to go back sure it would be awkward but Ell could be in danger. He laughed at himself if anyone were to be in danger and unable to get out of it, it would be him. Ell would have to walk home dripping wet, so there was risk of illness, even if it were only a cold he would be at fault. “So I’ll pick up cold medicine and tissues on the way home, I don’t have to face Ell right now.” He tried to tell himself. His guilt began eating him. He turned his music up deafeningly loud, laid his head back and let himself be taken away.

He walked through the door late that afternoon. He immediately ran into his sister who blocked his way to the stairs. All he wanted to do was sleep in his room for the rest of eternity since he spent much of the night dripping wet in his car, questioning his very existence and if he could exist without Ell’s companionship. “Ell called like six times” Shay said each word thick with toxicity rolling off her tongue “that’s nice” Connor trying to sound uncaring. Shay crossed her arms and stretched her legs out to completely block the doorway. “Why are you wet?” “None of your business snot” he replied, every word coming out increasingly angrily like a warning, but Shay didn’t budge from her post in the door frame. “MOVE” he yelled in her smug little face. Seeing her little blonde head shaking back and forth finally cut the string to his sanity and rationality and next thing he knew he saw his hand fly up and connect with her face, then her body connect with the wall and lastly the floor. “If Ell calls again the story is I’m not here, Got it” Shay just shook her head, still in shock. He turned his back to her and started up the stairs.

Connor laid on his bed, still fully clothed, eyes closed in an attempt to block out the sunlight shining vibrantly through his heavily curtained window. He turned to face the wall to stop the visions of Ell tapping on his window, Just to see visions of his dear friend tucked neatly under his arm sleeping peacefully, as if there was no where else Ell belonged. Finally his eyes closed and he was left alone to dream, much to his half awake protests, of Ell.

Ell was grabbing at him frantically calling his name, he looked on as his friend sank in a black lake full of sludge, his face twisted in horror but he couldn't move, as if he was battling his own invisible sludge. Lower and lower Ell sank begging him for help but he stood still and silent, glued to his place just out of Ell’s reach. Just as Ell was about to be fully submerged in the black goo he could move again, he moved in slow motion toward the arms flaring slowly through the sludge but he was too late and Ell was gone. Everything went black and he was woken up to his family gathered around him, looking on in confusion. He was covered in sweat and couldn’t stop hyperventilating. His mother asked if he was okay and after lying and saying yes in response they all filed out of his room like kindergarten children file out of a class room. He closed his door and stood in the fading moonlight, his nostrils curled as an unpleasant smell he just couldn’t place until he laid back in his bed, the air stank of gasoline.

Ell wouldn’t look at him in the halls, everyone decided that they were the only things worth talking about in the whole school, and Connor got asked questions from people he had never spoken to before in his life despite going to school together since preschool. Everyone wanted to know if rumours were true and some of the things people made up were pretty ridiculous. Someone said that Connor was jealous of Ell’s success in baseball, and asked Ell to quit, others thought Ell had a new best friend, this one Connor fought to ignore, as if Ell could get a new best friend in less than two days. The next day Ell wasn’t at school and everyone went to him for Ell’s whereabouts, but he had nothing to tell them, he and Ell hadn’t spoke in what felt like ages, and he was anxious to face facts that they couldn’t avoid this or each other forever. After Ell wasn’t at school the next day Connor concluded his friend had a cold, he went to the store and picked up everything he could think a sick Ell would possibly need, tissues, cough drops, tea, ice cream, and movies. He knocked on Ell’s door feeling uneasy, almost nervous. Then Ell answered the door and he was hit with Ell’s beauty, even sick Ell threw him in the dust.

“Hey, I was just dropping this stuff off” Connor said trying not to choke Ell stood there silently looking Connor hard in the face making it impossible for him to break the connection in between their gazes. “Okay” Ell said in a raspy voice, looking at Connor with concern which made him incredibly uncomfortable since he wasn’t the one suffering an ailment. Ell stepped out of the doorway to let Connor pass and into the kitchen to drop off the bags. They stood silently in the kitchen while Connor unpacked the bags. “Ice cream in the freezer, soup goes below the counter, tissues on the counter you got this man don’t look up. Do. Not. Look. Up.” He mumbled under his breathe so Ell wouldn’t hear himself running a play of how to avoid the elephant in the room. Ell’s nose always got remarkably red whenever Ell got ill, Connor would always tease his friend with the nickname of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, He unpacked the last item, placing it on the table by the door and left. He peaked behind him to see Ell through the window, smiling widely at the disc on the table. He happily hummed Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer all the way home. He knew Ell would enjoy the movie.

Everything about school was blurry until the moment he saw Ell in the hall days after his visit. He practically forgot there was hundreds of students around him; he plowed through them towards Ell’s locker. Just before Ell turned around to face him, he tripped over a freshman who tried to cross his path, there he laid on the floor next to a terrified 9th grader, Ell smirking down at him trying to not laugh for the young boys sake. Ell hosted the dazed boy up off the floor, patted him on the back and sent him on his way. Then extended a delicate hand towards Connor, the hand of an artist, just barely rough to the touch from all the time Ell spent fixing an old motorcycle up with his own father, and all the time spent gripping a bat waiting for the pitch. And yet they still made the most delicate pictures ever placed on paper, Ell was a vision of elegance with touches of roughness around the edges and he could never dream of loving anyone or anything more than he loved Ell.

They ditched out of last period because they were sick of all the eyes of their peers that seemed to be glued to them since Connor approached Ell in the hallway. They walked out and hopped in connor’s little red car passing many teachers and staff members who just smiled at them knowingly, whatever they thought they knew. The two drove and drove blasting music and avoiding all their cares of the world, and everything was wonderful. They screamed, they laughed, they freed themselves from the realities and harshness of the world outside their friendship, Connor never saw a world holding anything else but Ell, holding Ell in a way he

dreamed of doing himself. Finally late that afternoon the two teens walked into Ell’s darkened living room. Connor laid on the couch watching Ell move around the room with total relaxed confidence, like only Ell moved. A disc was thrown into the player and Ell joined him on the couch. Ell’s mother walked into the room an hour or so later to see quite a sight, the two asleep on the couch, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer still playing softly on the T.V.. She smiled and took out her camera, this was one for the scrapbook, if she could ever find it.

The days moved on, inching their way closer and closer to graduation. Connor and Ell once again grew inseparable as they once were, keeping the parents happy with their constant contact and togetherness, curfew was thrown out the window and they slept wherever they happened to fall asleep. Connor used up countless tanks of gas and he couldn't careless, nothing mattered as long as Ell was smiling next to him, running a hand through the short black hair pricking upwards. The sun shone down on them, promising a very bright summer, and for the first time in forever Connor could see the brightness of his future, his life that went on after high school. As long as Ell stood beside him, he was invincible, they both were.

They picked up their gowns and caps from the main desk and went to get dressed, no more rehearsals this was it, they were graduating. Ell walked across the stage confidently, but Connor saw the twitching of his friends fingers and he couldn't believe it, Ell was scared too. ¨Connor Burgundy” the woman announced over the microphone, he approached the stage tripping as he reached for his diploma right into Ell’s arms and he saw it, the throw back of the head as Ell was consumed in laughter and Connor consumed in Ell´s utter beauty. Suddenly he felt lips on his own and the whole crowd screamed. ¨Finally god, I thought they were gonna drag it out forever¨ He heard Alice shout from the crowd smiling up at them, she was a great friend. Their parent´s looked on laughing and clapping and cheering the two on. Ell pushed him up right, they straightened eachothers caps and Connor grabbed his diploma, staring at the smiling faces of the staff, students and families before him, the two raised their diploma´s triumphantly and with a long bow the two ran off stage to Connor's little red car tripping over their gowns.

Connor drove through the city streets, trying to keep his eyes forward and not glued to Ell laughing in the passenger seat. ¨They freaked! Did you see that?¨ Ell said excitedly. Connor smirked, Ell was acting crazier than ever and he loved it endlessly. ¨Did you feel that?¨ He asked trying to smirk Ell´s way without missing his chance to go through the inner section. “Yeah” Ell said dreamily, grabbing for his hand. Connor looked over and they made eye contact “hey Ell I have a question” “Elliot” “what”? “Connor, my name is Elliot” Elliot said with a smirk. Squeezing each others fingers gently, reassuring the other that they weren't going anywhere. The two boys smiled, and they smiled until the truck hit the little red car. The large delivery truck slammed into them head on, both vehicles exploded, flooding the air with fire and the stench of gasoline. The match had finally dropped, bringing happiness and destruction.The two boys died smiling, the day they graduated from high school, they graduated from life, and like everything they did it together. Ain't that a trip?

                                                           The End