Trouble for me.

Right from the start I knew you were going to be trouble for me. You’re the type of guy I can have a dangerous relationship with. The one I can wrap around my little finger and consume my entire being.

One event and several bottles of mojitos later, you’re knocked out and I was the one cleaning up after you. Another party and the tables have turned.

From that point onward something snaps in both of us.

I would describe it as two souls recognizing each other, and knowing this is not the right time. This is not the right place. This is not the right person.

I am not a free woman, and you are a free man. We are both committed. Me, to my beloved, and you, to whoever the lucky woman will be.

Whatever this is, whatever we are right now will only be a passing fancy and nothing more. This is but a game that bored people play, the dangerous game which holds all of hearts at stake.

It’s the modern version of courtly love, of whispered promises and false offerings of hope. These butterflies you give me, the shivers done my spine are the effects of an infatuation I am hopelessly trapped in.

We have played this game before, and as always, I will guard my heart with walls of steel, walls of stone, walls of ice. I will cover the path with sharp thorns laced with poison. I will not let myself fall.

Your words speak sincerity and your actions do the same.

But I can not trust you. Not fully. Not truly. Not ever.

It hurts and it pains me, that one day you may read this and realize the evil being that I am, playing with your feelings. Or maybe you will rejoice and see the effect you have on me.

I try and ignore you but end up waiting for your texts and calls. I avoid you at work but pray to God I see you even just one time.

We meet outside of work and go on trips around the metro.

You make me feel special.

I know it’s wrong but it feels so damn good.

My conscience eats me alive at night.

What are you doing to me?

Is it just the same of what I am doing to you?

Or am I right to assume that this nothing but a game of courtly love?