We’ll Get Through This...

It's been four (4) months since we were on quarantine.

It was all too fast. I couldn't believe it. I remembered coming home from work and seeing the news that our hometown will stop doing business for the safety of everyone.

I thought it was just for a short period of time.

At first I was sad because I won't be able to work and supply my family.

But then things were slowing down. I was able to reflect on the things that I did in the past few days before quarantine has started.

I was able to stay at home with my family. Got to learn new skills like cooking - even though I'm bad at it. I was also able to read a book again that I haven’t finished reading. Had the time to declutter stuff that is not needed in our house.

When our company was able to operate back I was so focused on doing my work that I thought I could catch up on other things.

But then things were a little bit difficult for me.

The company needed to lessen its people due to the pandemic.

And for the rest of us, who stayed, were given additional tasks and were being pushed to our limits.

We needed to hold on because we were thinking about our family at home.

We were also careful not to make our family sick because we were out working.

There were questions bugging me…

"How can I supply the needs of my family?"

"If I stop now how can I help them?"

It's quite difficult to look for another job in this pandemic. And some were lucky enough to find a new job.

But for me I was holding on to something.

I don't want to let go of this work for now and it’s because if I come looking for another job I would communicate again with different people, share "some" personal experience, and adjust to a new environment.

They say you should be flexible. Explore new things. Try other options and so on and so forth.

It's quite exhausting for me to exchange thoughts with other people. I sometimes get uncomfortable with things I'm not used to doing so.

Some people just want answers immediately of why you are not doing things out of your comfort zone.

"Why are you like that?" "That's not you, that's not normal." "Why do you forget things?" "If you won’t try something new. You won’t grow into someone you want."

And yes, questions like these keep replaying in my mind.

Didn't know that I would be attacked by questions like these.

And doubted myself of my capabilities to do things.

"Did I really change?" "Did I really upset other people?"

Like why are they so pushy and commands me to do things that I don't like doing?

It's easy for them to do things because they have enough courage to explore new things.

Unlike me I have to test the water if it's safe for me to go in.

To be honest. I was put in a slightly heavy situation where I wasn't sure if I'm doing this right. And if I'm not putting down other people of the decisions I've made or the behavior I've done.

I’m doing my best not to go back to my old phase and get sick. (The time where I have no control of things of what I have done but I am fully aware of things happening around me and where I am. It’s like I’m in my body but my youthful days are gone.) I should be careful of not turning on my triggered emotions. Not stepping the line of other people to make me uncomfortable.

Yes it is important to find ways to make myself happy and be thankful for the days I have encountered.

To be honest I don’t know what I am feeling. We all have felt that way right? If our emotions are real or is it because of this pandemic that we created ourselves into someone we thought we haven’t have?

But if we look at it this way. The months are half approaching a New Year.

Some were not able to be with their loved ones, because they passed away. Not because they have covid. But because they were too busy caring for other people’s need for their own safety. They took care of other people because they genuinely have the heart to help others and they don’t want anything bad to happen to them.

Whereas some people are so hard headed to not wear their mask and doesn’t have social distancing.

Some people were sad because they haven’t met with their friends for a long time. But still be safe and have distance if you’re out with your friends. I don’t want to sound like a party pooper but still we should be extra careful.

I’m actually scared because of the high rates we are receiving in our hometown. I sometimes don’t want to go out but need to because of work and to buy stuff for my family’s needs.

Where they say “It’s better to be praning (panicking) than to be kaging (dead)”.

But even though we are in quarantine. I have been able to find hope.

Hope where all of this in due time will go away. Hope that God has better plans for all of us and to trust His process for us.

But you know I’m proud of myself because I was able to not give up on things that came to me. Things that want me to be pushed down and to people who have thought that I’m weak enough to do things that I might not carry.

But there are also certain people that came to our life to teach us a lesson, to really explore our limits. Even if they are mad at you, still they care about you.

In the first part that you’ve read I said that I don’t want to be pushed out of my comfort zone. But realizing it now I should allow myself to discover the great unknowns. To allow some people to teach me how to survive in this uncertain world.

Some really surprised me and I was able to say to myself… “Did I really do that?” “Like wow that’s really amazing.” “I did a great job. So proud of me.”

If we looked for the good parts that we did in the past we’re not that shitty. Always remember that we are not good enough for other people, because we are good enough for ourselves.

I just want to thank myself and for the people that we have given the patience and understanding for one another.

We were able to bring comfort from the tired eyes that keep on worrying for what tomorrow brings.

We should always be strong and never give up on things that hinders us from ourselves to be better individuals.

To take courage of doing the things we love.

To always be kind to other people even if they thought they are superior.

To have the audacity to do things if it’s right for us.

I also remembered that we sometimes forget to be a good person and tend to be rude to one another because of the things we heard that are not entirely true. It’s okay that you didn’t hear it, because if you have heard it, you might not control yourself. So stop worrying what other people think. Only you and God alone know what is true.

We should know our limits and be more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Learn how to listen when communicating. So be careful in giving advice because you know how they will react. Be more cooperative and selective of the things that you want to do and say.

Only God has the right to judge us.

Always have faith and have more patience.

Holding on that soon enough will be alright in time.