When this will end

Walking, talking and laughing like a normal person, but the fact is i'm slowly dying, it's as if my heart is continues being stab. Maybe the most painful thing is when you keep on pretending that everything's alright and just cry a little inside the bathroom, so that no one can hear you. You keep on reminding yourself that you can do this, don't cry, get a grip and you don't have to cry and feel just endure and suck it all up don't complain. Even waking up everyday hurts, because the only thing to escape the sorrow is just by sleeping then when you wake up you'll feel the same old feeling that keeps on killing you. I became numb of everyday pain or maybe i just get used to it but sometimes i still came to my lowest points that crying and hurting myself is the only solution to help me get through. I'm strong but i still get weak, i laugh but i still cry, i'm okay but i'm still not.