Written Confession

I think my crush is cute.

But I can’t bear to secretly look at him for too long because he might actually flick his eyes towards me and see my burning face. When I pass him on the hallways sometimes, our eyes would meet for a millisecond. Then I’ll break off, turn my head to the other side, and resolutely not move my head another inch to his direction. Most of the time, I search for him in the crowd, hoping to see even just the back of his head. Annoyingly, I can’t even get a glimpse of his senior high uniform. And yet when I no longer look for him (and actually mind my own business) he suddenly appears just far off! And it’s like all there is in front of me is him. I can’t help but think that fate is definitely toying with me. And when he smiles that cute, crooked, little smile of his, I just feel like hiding my face in the palms of my hands and shooting off to the clouds, determined to hide the attraction I felt, though my blushes are probably getting out of control.

This immense ‘like’ I feel for my crush may be infatuation, puppy love, or love. But bottom line is, I ‘like’ my crush a whole, whole lot. I like how he speaks, how he carries himself, how he looks, how he smiles; How he is who he is.

But wanting without having, I found, doesn’t feel nice. It hurts to just always be outside, looking in. To get a glimpse, yet not get his heart. I hate how this ‘like’ makes me smile all day long yet can also pull me down at the end of the afternoon.

But to have actually met him in this humungous world and gotten the chance to like him, makes everything in my boring life, really significant. And I guess that should be enough.

But I honestly want more.