You

As I'm listening to the music called "Meditation by Monoman" I was about to type about what I should write but I keep swaying by these sounds through my ears gently and its a pleasant and soothing music that I've in my life. 

"It feels like I'm escaping to the world where I lived in"

I keep not to remember what happened earlier around lunch but it feels like I'm trapped in a cage where the surroundings are pitch dark black like you can't see anything, even myself can't see my own or my true self. Words have been juggling to my mind and can't stop thinking about it. I really want to get rid of it to my mind but, even if I did get rid of it, it looks like my future is waiting for me to fill my mind with those words that I'm about to receive it again through my delicate ears. I want to cry alone in a room where no one is there, just only me in a room, by myself. But I can't just keep crying forever, I have to be strong when they are giving me some insulting, hurting words that could affect the way I am right now.

I just want some quiet place where I can clear my mind and focus for what I have right now, and that is keep writing, where nobody else disturbs me for what I've been doing right now. But let me have some words to say to someone:

To be honest, I need some inspiration to someone but it seems like it's going to be faded but I don't want it to disappear just like that. I still need and want someone like you, I hope you won't disappear here next to me, otherwise, I don't know what to do. 

I maybe sometimes being a negativity person like I'm about to give up, but it was my fault why did I become that kind of person. I shouldn't bring my negativity and madness and be so down. You always gave me some words that I can able to understand and be calm. But it was me who is dumb and an idiot who wasn't able to read it properly for what is the importance behind all of this situation we have. 

 But, there is something I want to do that could improve me better before that time comes. I just don't want to be a useless person like I can't do anything or don't have any potential to my own. I want to change but I don't think I can't, but I will try to, and see how much did I improve since we've been in a separate way. Hope you are still here even if I can't feel your warmth and presence...until that day comes.

                                                                                         -from the stumbling fool...