You Before Me

"It's more than just a relationship, where two people learn to love and embrace each other.. mine is a bit more than that." Zara often repeated this phrase to the people that saw her cry, and she was more often told to let go. "We'll fight this together Zara, it hurts that I cannot help you, because the solution that anyone would see is to let go". Her broken mind replayed scenes that destroyed her, scenes that she didn't want to see, but then wanted to feel. It was a confused sense of self-harm, but what always stood crystal clear was that scenery she had painted in her soul: that of Abhay and her, standing at the porch, looking out into the bustling city that lay below their vision, sipping their cup of chai, smiling and completely lost in each others eyes..

The days that soon came by made her ask questions that she never thought she would ask: "Have I ever made you happy? When was the last time I made you proud and happy? I know I'm not anything that you want, because all that I see myself to be is a burden, nothing else. Do I make your life a lot more negative? Do you want me in your life?" The questions never seemed to stop soaring into her head, as she had now reached that stage of desperation. She was willing to do anything to make him happy, anything that would make him laugh, or even smile.. even if it meant leaving him. If her presence in his life caused him nothing but pain, anger and negativity, she would be more than willing to let go. For what mattered to her was his happiness, not her well-being. "All that I ever wanted to do was make another person happy, and give them happy memories to live upon, but I have given nothing. He deserves someone way better than I was, a girl who would be truthful from the start, a girl who would give him all the love in the world, a girl who would care for him and his words, and never hide. I am nothing and I own up to all the misery he has ever experienced. Oh god, I really am a failure." She sobbed once again at the thought of seeing him with someone else, and she kept promising herself that she was never going to marry or even get into a relationship if this bond that they shared broke. Everyday felt the same; it consisted of a few moments of happiness, and thrice the number of fights, tears and anger. Nothing seemed to change, and all that she felt was that this just further reduced her importance in his eyes.

She missed the days where they did nothing but love each other: send each other numerous kisses, call each other lovingly, spend time on the phone even when they were in the same city, and went to bed, knowing that the next morning would consist of everything sweet and lovely. And there she was, waiting for his message all day long, apologizing whenever she picked up the phone to go over through her messages. Some messages remained as two grey ticks, while the others remained single grey ticks... things only took to the worst possible fall a few hours later. Few hours later, she would find herself as the carrier of their relationship. Just a few hours more, and her biggest fear would face her...