You Only Die Once

March 21. 8am.

Fin’s 18th birthday.

“Not today.” - says the Clock.

Fin: Great!

Two years later.

June 4. 8am.

"Not today." - says the Clock.

Fin: Alright.

Three and a half years later.

December 19. 8am.

"Not today." - says the Clock.

Fin: Okay.

Two years later.

Fin’s 25th birthday.

March 21. 8am.

"Not today." - says the Clock.

Fin: Why not.

Three months later.

April 17. 8am.

Fin: Please, not today.

"Not today." - says the Clock.

20 months later.

August 23. 8am.

“Today.” - says the Clock.

Fin: (pauses) Okay.

A few hours later.

Fin is on the phone.

Fin: Hey.

Ilaria: If I didn’t have a caller ID I’d ask who is it.

Fin: Funny.

Ilaria: Because I don't believe it. How long has it been… four… five years?

Fin: Has it? I suppose it has.

Ilaria: To what do I owe the displeasure? Because I'm pretty busy here. So unless it's your death day let's talk lat..

Fin: It is.

Ilaria: Oh.

Fin: Yup.

Ilaria: So, I'm surprised you called me so early through the process. 

Fin: Just had to take care of some things. 

Ilaria: Don't you have a lavish party in your honor to oblige?

Fin: Nah. Skipping it.

Ilaria: Really? What a waste.

Fin: Listen, sis, I know I have no right to ask this of you...

Ilaria: Need a favor? You picked the best day to ask. Given how you won't be able to repay me. Clever.

Fin: I just wanted to ask if you'd be willing to give me a couple hours of your time today.

Ilaria: What for?

Fin: Is that a yes?

Ilaria: No, that's a "what the fuck for”.

Fin: You wouldn't have asked if you weren't free.

Ilaria: I'm not.

Fin: That's too bad. It's alright. I'd say give my hello to the kids but that wouldn't be the best choice of words given that they won't be able to hello back...

Ilaria: You asshole. Fine, I'm free. What do you need?

Fin: Pick me up? I'm guessing you still have dad's ol’ convertible. Sending you my address now.

Ilaria’s phone buzzes. She looks at it.

Ilaria: You live on that hill? Not too shabby.

Fin: Company provisions. I don’t even own the plates in this place. So, you coming?

Ilaria: (pauses) I'll be there in an hour.

Fin: Don't be too late. I only have 6 of those left.

An hour or so later.

Ilaria knocks on Fin’s apartment door. Fin opens it within seconds.

Fin: Hey, sis.

Ilaria smiles, and then stops, and then pauses, and then hugs Fin, and then stops that too, and walks into the apartment.

Ilaria: You know for a guy who’s supposed to be dying today, I expected you to have at least a few broken plates and stuff. You don’t even own them.

Fin: You want to break some? Be my guest.

Ilaria: Nah. I’m off anger. In therapy now. Well, group therapy. Can’t afford the solo sessions.

Fin: Good for you. (pauses) How is it possible that you look exactly the same as you did the last time I saw you?

Ilaria continues to look around the apartment, while Fin continues to stand near the door. After a few more seconds, Ilaria turns to Fin.

Ilaria: So now that we’re done with those… words… shall we?

15 minutes later, in Ilaria’s car.

Ilaria: So, where to?

Fin: Where are the kids?

Ilaria: At home.

Fin: Alone?

Ilaria: Yeah.

Fin: Aren’t they too young?

Ilaria: Jin is almost 10. She’s old enough to take care of her little sister.

Fin: 10?! The last I remember seeing her, she could barely put some sentences together.

Ilaria: And now she cooks her own breakfast. Funny how other people continue to have a life when you’re not around.

Fin: Ah, the jabs continue. (pauses) And what’s the younger one called again?

Ilaria: Merry.

Fin: Ah. Like mom.

Ilaria: (pauses) Yeah. Like mom.

Fin: You’re not wearing your watch?

Ilaria: Why would I?

Fin: I don’t know. Everyone does.

Ilaria: You wore it every day?

Fin: Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, it’s also my employee badge. My bank account. My house key. It's my whole... life. (laughs at the irony, Ilaria doesn't) The newer models, the Company makes all employees wear them… I can get you one if you’d like...

Ilaria: No thanks. I have no intention of wearing a death sentence on my wrist every single day. I look at that Clock every morning, and then I go about my day. I don’t need a reminder that the system spared me for another day.

Fin: Yeah, I guess that's alright. For me, it's just a device. I don't have to give it more importance than I want to. And death, well... the same goes for that. I know I'm dying. This device just tells me when.

Ilaria turns to her brother, who's looking out the window.

Ilaria: Can I ask you something?

Fin: Yeah, why not. Won’t get another chance after today.

Fin gives his sister a fake smile, and she doesn’t bother to notice.

Ilaria: Why 12 hours?

Fin: What do you mean?

Ilaria: Like, why does the Clock work like that? They never explain why. Not ever. They tell you?

Fin: Ah. Well, no. Everything comes from the system and we just… process things. But I have my theories. 12 seems like enough time to get things in order for your family. Or to have a last hurrah. I don't know. I've seen different people deal with it in different way. What do you think?

Ilaria: I… I don’t know. I think it’s ridiculous. I mean, sure. We don’t have a choice. But, why not tell me at 6am? Or 8pm? Let someone die in their sleep. I don’t see why it’s always 8am no matter where you are, and then 8pm hits and poof. You’re dead. It’s not like we have much control over our lives, but we can’t even control our death. You know this one time, I took the girls out for dinner, and we’re sitting there, and they’re playing. And it was really expensive. I mean, this was probably their first time eating at a proper restaurant. And then 8pm hits, and you know, we get ready to do our moment of silence. And then the old man on the table next to us, just falls down.

Fin: No!

Ilaria: Yeah! That guy decided to come die in the middle of dinner. In front of my girls. We didn’t even get to finish our food. I hate him, to this day.

Fin: People have weird Farewell choices. Some party. Some leave the money to family. Some to charity. And some… I guess they just don’t want to die alone.

Ilaria turns to face her brother, but he’s looking out the window. She turns back to face the road.

15 minutes later.

Ilaria: So you’re gonna tell me where we’re going soon? We’re almost out of the city.

Fin: Uh yeah. It’s just… a couple hundred kilometers from here.

Ilaria: A couple hundred?!

Fin: Yeah. What? You thought I brought you along for a quick lift?

Ilaria presses the brake, and stops the car on the side of the road.

Ilaria: Are you insane? I have kids waiting for me at home.

Fin: Kids who can look after themselves. Even cook! I remember you started cooking for me when you were 6. You weren’t good, but I didn’t really know it at that time.

Ilaria: It’s not funny. Why do you need to go to a place so far away?

Fin: It’s… where I’m going to die.

Ilaria starts to say something, but then she stops herself, and starts driving.

Fin: So we’re not turning around?

Ilaria: If you weren’t dying, I would have left you right here to die.

Fin: Thanks, sis. Glad to know your motivations.

30 minutes later.

Ilaria: I don’t get it.

Fin is looking out the window, looking like he hasn’t heard her.

Ilaria moves her left hand close to Fin’s ear, and flicks it.

Fin: OW! What is it?

Ilaria: I said I don’t get it.

Fin: Get what?

Ilaria: Why you’re choosing to not do your Farewell like every other rich person?

Fin: Ah. I’ve seen too many of those to really enjoy them.

Ilaria: That’s just ridiculous. People live day to day to pay for their Farewell, and you here, the man who plans the Farewells for the rich, just rejects his own. What a waste.

Fin: I guess it’s all about perspective.

Ilaria: Well, from my perspective, you’re an idiot.

Fin: Nice to know you haven’t changed after all these years.

Ilaria: (pauses) Maybe this should be a no-talking trip.

Fin: Fine by me.

30 minutes later. 

Two hours to the destination.

Ilaria: So what happens to all the money?

Fin: What money?

Ilaria: Your Farewell money. Haven’t you been paying your premiums these last 9 years?

Fin: Kind of had to, given my position at the Company. It's the first thing they deduct. 

Ilaria: Yeah, so what about the money? Must be a lot. 

Fin: I… spent it.

Ilaria is quiet for a couple seconds, and then starts to laugh.

Ilaria: (still laughing) Of course you did. I’m such an idiot. For a second I actually thought you wanted to spend your last day with me. With your only family. But no, you’re broke. Can’t even afford a cab to whatever death resort. As selfish as ever. Not that I expected a cent from you. No sir. Don't need your charity, not that it was ever offered. But do you know how ignorant you are of other people’s problems? I could be at home with my kids right now. I had a doctor’s appointment too. Took me six months to get that. Cancelled it, because my brother is dying. You know they don’t have that as a cancellation reason? Can’t even reschedule. Have to join the waitlist all over again.

Fin: I asked you to tell me if you were busy.

Ilaria: Oh yeah, and I was going to be the bitch who refused seeing her dying brother. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to give my kids that story.

Fin: Alright then.

Ilaria: Alright what?

Fin: I’m selfish and you’re sorry. I’m dying the way we lived.

Ilaria looks at her brother, and as he turns to face her, a smile forms on both of their faces.

That smile turns to laughter within a couple seconds.

Fin: So, just to try something different… I’m sorry.

Ilaria: For what? Be specific, because I have a list of things you should be sorry for and I want to make sure I cross the right one when I get home.

Fin: Hah. (pauses) I’m sorry I wasn’t there on mom’s Death Day. I’m sorry you had to do it alone.

Ilaria: (surprised) I wasn’t expecting that one. I think I just lost a bet to myself from 10 years ago. (pauses) I really am surprised you’re bringing that up. I thought you had deleted her?

Fin: I… thought about it. I even went to the place… and they explained the whole thing to me. It was all so… procedural. Like getting a loan. They showed me this presentation. Did you have to go through that too?

Ilaria: I didn’t go so… no. (pauses) Tell me about it.

Fin: Yeah. So they had this whole presentation made up. In proper 3D-you-can-fucking-almost-touch-it realistic simulation. I saw mom. Everything she was from the day she gave birth to me - I mean, luckily they didn’t show any footage of that - but you know, every memory I have of her… my first birthday… that day when I was three and you were like 8 and it was just her, me, and you at the park… the good ones… the bad ones… and then dad’s Farewell... and then at the end… they said… I can keep all of it… or just the good stuff… or get rid of everything…

Ilaria looks over at Fin, who’s just staring at the road ahead.

Fin: (turns to Ilaria) They told a 16 year old that he could forget this mother if he wanted to. But this feature was just so new. And I asked them, why didn't you have it when my dad died? Why can’t I forget some of that? And you know what they said?

Ilaria: What?

Fin: They said… 'oh well… since your father passed before we got this new upgrade… we can either delete both of them, or keep it all in.'

Ilaria: Ouch. Well, not to blame the system, but it was all so new back then, they didn’t have suicide safeguards in place… so they couldn’t really have predicted or prevented dad’s death…

Fin: Why… how do you know that?

Ilaria: I… about a year ago I worked for this woman… on my weekend hospice care gig… and she was a bit senile… used to blabber a lot… but then sometimes… she was fully lucid… and she used to tell these stories about the early years of the system… how it took forever to get it right. Most of what she said went over my head… and one of those rants was about how ‘inefficient’ suicides used to be. People who just couldn’t fit into the new system. Their psyche just couldn’t handle the daily death clock. It was just… too random. And too early for evolution to kick in. But yeah, dad must’ve been one of the last ones. (pauses) Oh wow… you had to watch all of this in this simulation?

Fin: Yup. And it didn’t help that I was super high through all of it. I almost pressed the button… to delete them.

Ilaria: I thought you did.

Fin: Why would you think that?

Ilaria: Because you left! For a year! I came home and you were gone. I thought you just erased us all. And then when you came back, you never talked about them, and then…

Ilaria looses her train of thought.

Ilaria: Why am I not able to finish that sentence?

Fin: It’s okay, sis.

Ilaria: (getting angry) It’s because of my ex-husband, isn’t it?

Fin is quiet.

Ilaria: I’ve always… hated… you… but still… I have this love for you… and I always thought… it was because of you running away after Mom died… leaving me all alone... and never bothering to look back... 

Fin: That’s a good enough reason to hate me.

Ilaria: Well, yeah. But…

Fin points to the road.

Fin: Hey, take the next exit. We’re going to have to go a bit off road for this next part.

Ilaria: Next part? Where the fuck are we going? This feels really off-grid, Fin.

Fin: Ily, just trust me on this one, please?

Ilaria looks at her little brother. 

Ilaria: Okay.

20 minutes later. 

1 hour and 30 minutes to the destination.

Ilaria is looking at the town she’s driving through. She’s pleasantly surprised.

Ilaria: This place… I’ve been living two hours away from a place like this? Look at this! They have a grocery store, a small one! No security. How is that possible? And is that a fucking school? What kind of rich people heaven world have to picked to die in, Fin?

Fin: You like it?

Ilaria: I hate how much I love it. I’ve never seen something like this before. How did you find it?

Fin: Perks of the job. It’s what we call an off-world Farewell town. People come here for extended periods of death.

Ilaria: That’s bullshit. (pauses) How?

Fin: Well, it’s all a bit boring and technical, but I’ll try to explain the gist of it — basically, you and I and most of the population in our world lives on the daily death clock…

Ilaria: Yeah. So does everyone.

Fin: Not exactly…

Ilaria: NO. (pauses) I thought it was all a myth. An urban legend. They really exist?! These Farewell towns?

Fin: Well, this one does. It’s all experimental. But this one, yeah, it’s the first one they made. So it has more relaxed rules.

Ilaria: So these rich folks, they get to have extended deaths? How?

Fin: Well, some people… the really, really powerful ones, who have a LOT of money, and pay a much, much higher premium, they can upgrade to Weekly, or even Monthly Death Clocks. And when they do, and when their clock rings ‘Death’, they come here, make a 'reservation' and spend their deaths in class. It’s all very… extravagant.

Ilaria: Why… are you dying here? (excited) Are you getting a place here? A ‘reservation'?

Fin: Oh no, no, no. I’m sorry, sis. I don’t get a reservation. I’m dying here today. They’re just letting me spend it here because I helped make it.

Ilaria: Oh. (holding back some emotion) So you helped build this place?

Fin: A little bit. Many of the people who live here… or have lived here… are clients. Or were.

Ilaria: Interesting. Well, not to be a bit of a bitch… but I wish I could just say a big fucking FUCK YOU to these rich fucks.

Fin: Why don’t you?

Ilaria: Are you serious?

Fin: Well, we’ve crossed the school already, and I don’t see a lot of people around, roll down the window and go at it.

Ilaria looks around, and then opens her window, takes her head out…

Ilaria: Wait. You go too.

Fin: What?

Ilaria: Come on! You’re dying at 27! You don’t deserve this. Let these old rich fucks have it.

Fin looks at his older sister, who’s smiling the most wicked smile of her life…

Fin: Okay, Ily. Let’s do it.

Fin and Ilaria both take their heads out of their dad’s convertible, and yell out…

Fin & Ilaria: FUCK YOU!!!

15 minutes later. 

45 minutes to the destination.

Ilaria: So, do you remember my ex-husband?

Fin: A bit, yeah.

Ilaria: Look, I know I made the decision to delete him, so I must have had my reasons. But… tell me… why is it that I didn’t see you much after he died?

Fin: I just… wasn’t around. I was off making these Farewell towns all over the world.

Ilaria: Ah. The good life. Tell me, what do the super-rich do for their Farewell?

Fin: Oh, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I’ve seen some super fucked up requests. And also some really simple ones. Which seem even more fucked up.

Ilaria: (laughing) Like what?

Fin: Okay. Well, it’s all supposed to be confidential… but it’s not like they can do anything about it since I’m dying… so I’ll tell you one or two. (pauses) Okay. So this one guy. Super rich. And like 80 years old. For his Farewell, he booked an entire section of a Farewell town - some houses, the clubhouse, the library, a lot of stuff - and asked that we fill it up with… performers.

Ilaria: Performers? What kind of performers?

Fin: The… sexual kind.

Ilaria: Oh.

Both of them are quiet for a few seconds.

Fin: Picturing it, aren’t you?

Ilaria: I was. Oh my god. How many people?

Fin: About 200.

Ilaria: Damn, and not that I want to know, but I have to know, did he… participate?

Fin: Not at all. Just took a golf cart and had a driver drive him around the whole place. I asked him, ‘why so many people? Why not just get an intimate session with a couple girls... or guys?'

Ilaria: Let me guess, his perverted mind was too far off the deep end for that to work for him…

Fin: I’m not sure. He just said… ‘I’ve always wanted to see an orgy.’

Ilaria: Huh.

Fin: Yup.

Ilaria: We’re a really, really weird species.

Fin: There was another one. Probably the... most unique one I’ve ever done. We've never seen a request like that again.

Ilaria: Ugh, do I want to know?

Fin: I don’t think you’ll even believe it if I tell you.

Ilaria: Uh, fine, tell me.

Fin: There was this couple. Married 30 plus years. No kids. No surviving family on both sides. They just had each other. And they had money. But they never upgraded to the weekly or higher packages. They just lived together, day by day. And then one day, the wife’s death day clock said ‘Today.’ So I get a call from the husband. And he says, ‘I want to go too.’

Ilaria: What?

Fin: Yup. He says, ‘kill me too.’ And I told him, that’s not how it works. And I definitely am not the person to talk to about it. I just handle Farewells. So he asks me, you know… about suicide. And I tell him, those are foolproof now. You legitimately can’t kill yourself. You could hurt your body, sure, but your mind will stay alive, and in a lot of pain, till the death clock comes calling.

Ilaria: So what did they do?

Fin: I convinced him to upgrade. Since he was willing to die, I figured he wouldn’t care. And I told him that if his wife upgrades immediately, we can extend her death day to a 30 day expedition. We save those for young parents and such. I had to... make up some paperwork. Then I got them both a house here, in this town. And they lived here, happily, for a month, until she died.

Ilaria: And what happened to him?

Fin: He’s still here. Waiting. (pauses, surprised) In fact, that’s him.

Fin points to a man standing outside a wellness center they are crossing.

Fin: HEY! Ram!

Fin waves to Ram, who recognizes Fin, and waves back. Ilaria waves too as they drive by.

Ilaria: How, does he live here, alone, now?

Fin: He spends most of his time at the wellness center. Helping family members grieve the ones they lost. I hope you get to meet him someday. He’s wonderful.

Ilaria: I… I’m sure he is.

Fin: Hey, but enough about my ridiculous job. Tell me about you. What are you up to these days?

Ilaria: Oh, really? We finally get to talk about me?

Fin: Well, I figured you were listening to me this whole time because I’m dying and I won’t get to talk again so…

Ilaria: I think I’ve had enough.

Fin: Bitch. (laughs) So tell me.

Ilaria: I… don’t know where to start… I live… for my girls. I don’t care much for me.

Fin: Just like mom.

Ilaria: (surprised) I guess. I never really thought I was like her. Until I became just like her. But I guess all moms are like… mom. The good ones at least. So yeah. I just get whatever job I can to support the girls. And wish to the powers above every day that the clock tomorrow says ‘not today’. So I can get another day with them. At least until they’re old enough...

Fin: You never wanted to do something, just for yourself? 

Ilaria: What?

Fin: I mean, I remember, you were such an amazing artist. Those sculptures you used to do. Blew me away. You don't see a lot of long-term art in our time. But you were so determined. You would sculpt these huge pieces, spending months and months on them. I'd wake up sometimes, in the middle of the night, and see your room lit up... it's like you just had this fire in you... this rebel who didn't give a fuck about the death clock... it was... inspiring. I was jealous, for a bit.

Ilaria: (surprised, impressed) I didn't think you would remember that.

Fin: Why did you stop?

Ilaria: Why does anyone stop doing anything for themselves? Life. (pauses) Wanting to do what you want to do... when you're young, you think you can do all of those things. So sometimes to put some of those things away, for a later time. Because every day is so limited. You end up competing with yourself about what kind of experiences you want. And there was a time, when I was sculpting, that I used to see every day as a challenge. Oh, I get to have another day?! Alright, I'm going to do exactly the same thing today as I did yesterday. (pauses) But you... get over that too. Life doesn't care that you resent it. It doesn't care how you live yours. It doesn't see your rebellion. It just is. (pauses) Anyway, all of that is in the past now. Today, and every tomorrow, is for my girls. 

Ilaria turns to face her brother, and finds him staring at her in awe. She looks into his eyes, and finds pain. He senses it, and looks away. She looks back at the road. 

Fin: I never understood it, you know.

Ilaria: Understood what?

Fin: Why, given the world we live in, people still wish to have kids.

Ilaria: Ah. Well. I wish I could say I didn’t think like that, but then, I couldn’t even tell you why I had mine because I don’t remember their father!

Fin: Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Ilaria: It’s okay. I don’t care about why I had kids. I just know I did. And that’s fine. Once you have them, you just want to protect them. No matter what. Because…

Fin: They’re your family.

Ilaria turns to her brother.

Ilaria: Yup. Family.

Fin looks away. Ilaria looks back at the road.

Ilaria: So, you never thought about having one of your own?

Fin: Family?

Ilaria: I… I meant a kid.

Fin: Oh. Nope. I guess I never had my moment where it just had to happen. Maybe it’s was the selfishness and self-centerness. Couldn’t imagine living a life that wasn’t my own. And this world we live in, where you could just die, any fucking day. It was too much to handle alone, I just couldn’t do it knowing I had people depending on me. I mean, sure, this whole random death day system we live in now is better than the way the world was before. It stopped so many bad things from happening. Murders. Suicides. So many crimes. Remember those stories about how there used to be all those religions? This is definitely better. This system solved so many problems. But it created new ones. And it’s still too early to know the cost of living this way… (snaps back to reality) Anyway, when all of that is going on in your head. You don’t really think about family. I mean, starting a new one.

Ilaria: Sure. That makes sense. I just…

Fin: You just what?

Ilaria: I just think that if you had more time, or if you spent even a day with my girls, you might have changed your mind.

Fin: (smiles) Maybe you’re right. And... 

Ilaria: And what?

Fin: I wish... I got to meet them, one last time. I mean, I did want to. I thought I would have more time... but... c'est la fucking vie, I guess. 

Ilaria: I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk like you have any control over this.

Fin: It’s okay. Neither do you.

Ilaria: So, are we close?

Fin: We are indeed. Just take the next right.

A few minutes later.

20 minutes to the destination.

Fin and Ilaria are walking up to a big two storey house.

Ilaria: Whose house is this?

Fin: Oh, the owner is really nice. I’m just borrowing it for my final time. She wouldn’t mind. (looks at the lake) Here, let’s go down to the lake.

Ilaria: There’s a lake?!

Ilaria turns around the back, and sees the lake behind the house. She’s in awe.

Fin: Beautiful, isn’t it?

Ilaria: It’s… I’ve never seen water this blue.

Fin: Jin has blue eyes, doesn’t she?

Ilaria: (surprised) Yeah, she does. Just like you.

Fin: Well, we both know you named her after me.

Ilaria: No, I didn’t!

Fin: Oh admit it. You knew I hated my name. Fin. The end. Or a fucking fish hand. Either grim, or ridiculous. So you named her Jin to make me feel better.

Ilaria: I… can neither confirm nor deny those allegations.

Fin: Haha. And Merry, what color are her eyes?

Ilaria: Sea-green.

Fin: Ah. Well, this place goes a little sea-green sometimes.

Ilaria: Why are we here, Fin?

Fin looks at his watch.

7.45pm.

15 minutes to the destination.

Fin: Let’s go down to the bench there, closer to the water. 

Ilaria: Okay.

Fin: Too bad I’ll miss the sunset. But you should see it, it’s beautiful. (pauses) But I’m glad it’s a clear sky today. You don’t see a lot of these in the city.

Ilaria: I haven’t seen one in… months.

Fin: Well, you’re welcome, sis.

Ilaria: I guess these are the perks of being there for a fancy Farewell.

Fin: What do you mean?

Ilaria: Come on. This has to be your Farewell package. A nice house with a fucking lake in the backyard. Just like the one from the stories mom used to tell us when we were kids. Just be honest… how long do you have this place for?

Fin: Me? Just another… (looks at his watch) just another 12 minutes or so.

Ilaria: Don’t fuck with me, Fin.

Fin: Ily, I’m not fucking with you. And please, try not to use that language around the girls.

Ilaria: Ass! Don’t tell me how to parent my kids… (realizes how angry she just got)

Fin: (laughing) It’s so easy to distract you! (looks at the bench) Here, let’s sit here.

Ilaria sits down, looks at her brother, still laughing, and gives him soft punch on the shoulder.

Fin: OW!

Ilaria: You’re not telling me something.

Fin: I haven’t lied to you… yet.

Ilaria: Why are we here, Fin?

Fin: Because I don’t want to spend this time with anyone else.

Ilaria stares at her brother, and realizes what’s about to happen.

Ilaria: Is this really happening?

Fin: Yup.

Ilaria: You’re dying?

Fin: Yup.

Ilaria: I’m giving you one last chance to come clean, Fin. Tell me that you’ve somehow gotten this Farewell town thing figured out and you’re not dying…

Fin: Well, you’re right about the first part… just not the second thing. I just... I just wish I had a little more time...

Ilaria: What?

Fin: Well, I am dying… (looks at his watch) in 8 minutes… but yeah, I figured out this whole Farewell town thing.

Ilaria: I… I don’t… understand.

Fin: Don’t you?

Ilaria: I… how…

Fin: You’re what… 33 right now?

Ilaria: I… yeah.

Fin: And your daughters… Yen… she’ll be 10 on October 23rd… and lil’ Merry… turns 4 in... April?

Ilaria: Yeah… how…

Fin: So you have another 14 years or so of Farewell Insurance Premiums to pay before Merry turns 18. That’s a lot of money.

Ilaria: Fin… what did you do?

Fin: I’m taking care of my family, that’s it.

Ilaria: Fin…

Fin: Look, sis, I don’t want to mess with your memory matrix, so just…

Ilaria: FIN! Tell me right now or I’ll kill you 7 minutes early myself!

Fin: Hah. Ha. You couldn't become a murderer even if we were living in the old days...

Fin takes an object out of his pocket. He pressed the red button on it.

Ilaria: What’s that?

Fin: It’s part of the high-end packages. It’s called ‘The Confession’. You give it to the person you want to confess to during the last few minutes of your death. It’s a very common thing actually… people save so many secrets and feelings until they die, wishes, wants, desires, regrets... that they just can’t stop themselves from saying them out loud before they die. So the Company made this device that the listener can use to delete the confession after the death. The feedback from the listeners was quite clear - most of them just want to forget these last few minutes, so they can remember their loved ones as they used to be... and not what they reveal themselves to be near the end. 

Ilaria: Wow. You guys have really turned humanity into a business.

Fin: Yeah. This was my idea too. Anyway, listen. What I’m about to tell you, is just for these next five minutes. You won’t remember any of this once you press the button. I’m going to press it before I die. Please forgive me for doing this, but I can’t have you remembering this. Because it’s not worth it.

Ilaria: I…

Fin: Just listen, sis. Your ex-husband. He was an asshole. The worst of the worst. After you got divorced, he still kept coming over, and he hurt you. And the last time he did, he tried to hurt Merry…

Fin holds his sister hand, and she squeezes it.

Ilaria: WHAT?!

Fin: Don’t worry. He didn’t get to her. You stopped him. And then you called security. And they took him away. And then they… brought him to the Company. His crimes hit the limit. So I got informed. That he was going to be put through the ’30-day Expedition'. I was happy. So happy to know that he was going to be punished for what he did to you. And the girls. Everything you had to go through. So I went to meet him. To see his face, see him face his impending death sentence. And you know what he did? He smiled. He said he didn’t need 30 days to fuck with your lives. How he was going to use this time to… do horrible things to my sister and her babies. So… I…

Ilaria: Fin… you… didn’t…

Fin: I had only been working at the company for a year… I had seen how the death sentence worked… so I just… changed some numbers... and I got his death… pre-poned.

Ilaria: I…

Fin: I had him killed. Just… 29 days early. I mean... I guess I killed him myself. Just a button. That's all it took to stop him from hurting you ever again. (pauses) Wow, this confession thing really rushes through your body... 

Fin looks at his sister, who's just staring at him.

Fin: Listen, Ilaria. I don't regret what I did to him. People like him… we don’t need more of them. And then… I had them remove all memory of him from your life. And the girls. I… I’m so sorry sis, I… I don't regret it, but I do feel like I took so much away from you... 

Ilaria: You…

Fin: I didn’t want the girls to remember their father as this…

Ilaria: You…

Fin: They deserve better…

Ilaria: This is why I don’t remember him.. or so much of you… from the last 10 years…

Fin: I was able to get him deleted completely, but I couldn’t keep myself there without his memories... all those times that I had to come over to stop him… it would be too tough on the girls...

Ilaria: So you deleted yourself too?

Fin: I had to. They deserved a better father. And they deserved a better uncle. They deserve… a better childhood… they deserve… a full life. With their amazing, baddass mother. 

Ilaria: Is this why you stopped coming over after?

Fin: I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look at you, and look at them, and have them see the face of the man who took their dad away from them. I… was … am… not strong enough.

Ilaria: Fin…

Fin: Here.

Fin hands his sister a keycard.

Ilaria: What is this?

Fin: I thought I would have more time. But I was able to put most of it together this morning. This... this is the key to your new house. Your new life.

Ilaria sees where her brother is pointing to. It’s the lakehouse behind her. Ilaria is shocked.

Ilaria: What are you saying?

Fin looks at the timer. The one on the device, and the one on his watch.

3 minutes to the destination.

Fin: Alright. Look. I have a couple minutes left in this… confession that you won’t remember. I want you to know… I need you to know that I love you… and the girls… I’m sorry for taking the memory of their dad away… I am sure they will eventually hate me… and dislike you for not knowing who he was… but this lie is better than the truth… they deserve better than the truth. And you… my amazing sister. Thank you for being the person who I wanted to live up to. You deserve so much more. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry… I couldn’t give you more.

Ilaria looks at Fin’s watch. 

Ilaria: My baby brother... you... 

Ilaria stops herself from crying, and holds her brother's face with her hands. 

Fin: Yeah… I…

Ilaria: Shut up.

Fin: I…

Ilaria: Shut up, you idiot!

Ilaria hugs Fin.

Ilaria: I hate you… for thinking that I wouldn’t want to remember this… I hate you… for taking this burden alone… I hate you… for staying away from us all these years… I’m so proud of you, Fin. I dismissed you, thinking that you were this screwed up kid who lost his parents early and just went around not giving a fuck. But I see it now. You are better than what we are. You saw what happened, and you tried to make it better. I don't know what to do with this fucking guilt you just threw on me....

Fin smiles, as a tear drops from his eye. He breaks away from the hug, and looks at the watch.

Fin: Look, sis. I don’t have much time left. So listen. This place, this house, the whole thing. It’s yours. I got it for you and the girls. The clean up crew, when they come for me, I cashed in a favor, and they’ll bring the girls with them with all your stuff. Everything is taken care of. I've asked Ram to check in on you every day, as long as you're okay with it. He lives just a few houses down the road. He's a great guy. He reminds me of mom. He'll help out with the girls too, whatever you need. 

Ilaria just stares at her brother.

Ilaria: How?

Fin: Oh, you don’t need to know…

Ilaria: Fin. How.

Fin: Well, those super-rich clients of mine? They had me build a new package where they could buy enough time to see their kids through their adulthood. Some people want more than just the insurance money for their kids. They want to see them grow up. And then they have all these leftover days, that they won’t be using. So, the more packages I sold, the more leftover days I was able to save, so I just… snuck you into this Farewell Town's program. And then gave you the leftover days. You’ll have enough time. This place, it’s all yours. It’s all paid for. At least until Suzie’s 18th birthday. You will live long enough to see that. And your premiums… all settled. Not one more cent out of your pocket. You will live until they’re adults. And maybe… maybe the world will be a better place to live in by the time that happens. But just in case it still sucks, I promise you… you won’t have to look at that death clock again for another 15 years. You’re safe. The girls are safe. This is your new home. And I hope you'll use this time to finally give some time to yourself. 

Ilaria: You’ve been doing this… this whole job… to give me enough time with the girls?

Fin: I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life.

Ilaria: Fin…

Fin points to his device.

Fin: 15 seconds before you forget all of this… before I…

Ilaria: Shut up. I… I love you, lil’ brother. Thank you. For everything you’ve done for us.

Fin: I love you too, sis.

Fin picks up the device to delete the confession, but Ilaria takes it away from him.

Fin: Ilaria… don’t…

Ilaria: Fin, believe me, I don’t want to forget this. I don’t want to forget you.

Fin smiles, and lets go of the device.

Fin: Will you tell the girls about me?

Fin looks at his older sister, as he wipes off the tears from his eyes. Ilaria holds up his face, and with a smile, gives him a kiss on his forehead.

Ilaria: Every day, for the rest of my life.

Fin smiles, as the clock hits zero.

Ilaria holds her brother, as his body goes lifeless. She hears the sound of a truck behind her, and within minutes the clean up crew has taken away her brother’s body.

Ilaria stays seated on the bench, and as the sun begins to set on her new house, she hears the familiar sound of her girls coming up behind her, one teasing the other, both of them laughing. Ilaria gets up, wipes her tears, and runs to her girls.

Ilaria: My babies! How was your day?

The end.

Author’s Note / How I Wrote It

Hello again, my babies. is it weird that I just called you guys that? Please ignore it. I don’t have the time to go back and edit.

I hope you liked my latest creation. I wanted to write a love story between a brother and a sister (the traditional kind, not the Game-Of-Thrones kind) with a sci-fi backdrop. Sort of like a grounded (read: low-budget) 'Black Mirror' episode. So here we are. I hope it wasn’t too mushy-mushy. I love sci-fi, I really do. But for me, as a writer, and I’m sure this is the case with most sci-fi writers too, the whole point of writing a human story with sci-fi elements is to enhance or highlight or explore human ideas. In this case, I wanted to explore death. And how much effect it has on us. So I changed death. That’s the amazing thing about being a writer - you can rewrite the rules of life itself, just to find out if and how it would change us. And as you may have noticed, I didn’t really invent new sci-fi ideas, just borrowed from the best :)

This is probably one of the 'darkest' stories I’ve ever written (I put 'darkest' in quotes because of the prevailing attitude in society that death is a 'dark' event in our lives), but as always, hope and love are at the center of it all. I believe that if you take away all the layers that exist in and around a story, you’ll find that most of the good ones are talking about humanity. Whether it’s a happy or bleak perspective, depends on the storyteller. I tried to do a combo, because that’s what life feels like, doesn’t it? Darkness all around, but a happy, hopeful center with a little flicker of light at the core, powered by love.

And since confession is a theme in the story, I will tell you, even though you didn't ask, but isn't that what all confessions are? Anyway... I will tell you that over the past 9 years (on and off) that I've been writing, I've never found myself crying whilst writing. But this one... I will not lie... I did shed a couple manly tears near the end... during the lakehouse part. It was all just so... pure. And my tears... they weren't because of Fin. It was Ilaria. I lived this story from her point of view, and there was just too much to deal with when I wrote her voice. So there, now you know how I feel when I write. Are you happy now?!

So, given that this was probably my toughest experience writing a story (why? I’ll tell you why if you keep reading), I’m turning my ‘how I wrote it’ thingie for this one into a proper Guide called ‘Making Tough Look Easy', which you can read right now because today is Wednesday and even though we post our weekly Guides on Thursdays, I made an exception for this week because I'm the boss. Yay. #BossLife. 

External link: https://www.launchora.com/guide/making-tough-look-easy

There's a challenge at the end of the Guide, which I would encourage you to try out. And don’t worry - even if you’re not an LSP member, you’ll be able to read this one because we’ll keep it free till the end of March. I know, I know… I’m just too darn nice. Maybe I’m trying to make up for sounding like the creep who called y'all babies.

Finally, I'd like to thank my bff and artist-extraordinaire Lucie Salgado for absolutely killing it with the artwork on this story. I only gave her about two days to come up with it and do the drawing - which itself takes hours in the double digits. And then she blew my mind with her interpretation of YODO. She made the above GIF as well. She's cool. Follow her, support her. 

FYI, I had no idea we could upload GIFs into stories on Launchora! How embarrassing yet awesome. 

Anyway, good luck to you on your next story, and if you have any good / not-so-good opinions on this story, please do share them below. I will probably not take the not-so-good ones personally. Risk it, if you wish to know.

#YODO