Your Choice

You always leave me with no choice. You flash me with that smile and I have no choice but to fall in love. You tell me sweet words and I got no choice but to fall deeper. You give me warm hugs and I got no choice but to stay warm in it. You tell me how much you love me and my heart chose to love you back. You told me to not be afraid to fall with you and I got no choice so I did. You made me believe that you'll never leave me and I have no choice and trusted you.

Time passed and I got no choice but to fall completely, no, I chose to fall completely, so I did. It was wonderful and it was all I ever wished for. Until you left — no words and no goodbyes, and again, I got no choice but to accept it. I got no choice but to have sleepless nights and to drown myself in oceans of tears and thoughts, no choice but to desperately wish you'd come back.. And you did. And I have no choice but to accept you. Despite all the pain and questions, despite all the fears and doubts, despite all my what ifs and reservations, I did accept you, willingly taking the path over again, willingly leaving myself with no choice but to fall deeper than I have ever been before, deliberately accepting you as if I didn't have any other choice. This time, this was everything I wanted. That moment was all I have been hoping for. That moment I wished you also have no other choice but to stay with me…

But you didn't, you choose to leave me again, you choose to hurt me, you choose to get by without me, you choose to throw everything and forget me, and what hurts me the most is that your choice of unloving me.. And me, I am again left with no choice but to be broken again, to crash down to pieces I have tried hard to fixed, to hit rock bottom and suffer from the pain you chose to give me.

I am left… again with no choice but to say my goodbyes. I am left with no choice but to cry in front of you and beg for you to try again with me. I am left with no choice but to wipe my own tears because you chose to just stare at me crying. I am left with no choice but to hear your voice telling me you don't love me no more. I am left with no choice but to see you go again... To look at your back as you walk away from me. To be found crying and heaving sobs, trying to pull myself up together but got no choice but to fall down.

Again, for the same reason, I am here again, with all the broken pieces of I’ve tried so hard to put back together, with the same anxiety and heartache, with that same feeling that have haunted me for years that I’ve tried to get over with… And I got no choice but to accumulate and to be destroyed by you. And to your defense you'd probably say I had a choice, and I must say I did…

But despite all those other choices which is clearly better than what I have chosen, I still chose to love you, I chose to trust and hope for you, I chose to see you through, I chose to hold on despite of you letting me go, I chose to believe in you, I chose to be broken and be fixed by you, I chose to stay, I chose to be weak and strong at the same time for you, I chose to be drowned in you, I chose to fall deeper and chose to be cut the deepest..

I think if ever I was given another chance to choose from all those choices I have all over again… I won't choose the same choice I have before. Because from what I am feeling now, I wish I choose not to even look at you at the first place and to never ever fall for you. I wish I haven't met you... If I was given just another chance to choose, I will choose not to know you… But in the end, I know, I will keep on choosing you — you who have always been my choice, but also you to whom where I, was not even an option.