It's been nearly 3 months now , I'm back on track , not completely recovered yet but hoping for things to get better with time.
But I still fail to understand what went wrong ,not with the situations but with me . Was it really me ?
At times I feel like I'm completely over it , but the very next moment I feel like I'm full of thoughts with zero space for my mind to breathe. Anxiety rushes through my nerves. The harder I try to focus on other things the more I start thinking about the decisions I took . Yes , it does scare me . The time , the situations , the kind of person I had become , the changes that took place , everything that had happened scares me like anything. Seems like I had nearly lost my real self .
It's good to make people around you feel happy. But what I realised is that in the process of keeping others happy I was probably sacrificing my own happiness , my own comfort , my own space. I was simply sacrificing the person I was , the potential within me . It's weird to see how the thoughts of one single person can continue to affect you, even when you see the whole world standing against it.
There are times when we not only fail to see the truth but we knowingly ignore it. No matter how clear the water is but we still fail to see that one serrated pebble which pricks us.
Initially , I felt like I was being taken care of , but gradually I realised the fact that things were not really the way they were being portrayed. In the name of protection I was being forced to commit myself to someone else , forced to let myself become someone else's property. It was quite late when I realised that I was nothing but a slave, pretending to be happy with whatever I had and with whatever I was being given .
I guess at times we forcefully make ourselves accept certain things thinking that by doing so we might make things get better. Everything gets better , but what doesn't get better is you yourself . You damage yourself to an extent that recovering from it seems to be nearly impossible.
We do move on , but the damage cannot be undone. Glimpses of the past tend to haunt us at times and that is exactly what's happening with me these days. My past seems to be ruining my present as well , but what motivates me is the fact that I am finally no more a part of what has gone by .
I am free to choose, free to express what I feel, free to be myself. I am a stronger person now , I finally know that no one has the right to tell me who I am and what I'm supposed to be . It is surely important to take the right decisions under the right guidance but one has the right to only guide me and not force me. It is my decision to choose whether I want to go with the advice or not.
Honestly , I don't really agree with this phrase "my life , my choice" , 'cause our life is not just our life . We're connected to hundreds of people and the decisions we take in life do affect them. None of us are born intellectuals , we need people who help us move forward in life and take the right decisions . But these people only have the right to show us the right direction, once we know the direction it is completely our choice to walk that path , swim through it , sail through it or whatever.
Do not let the world treat you like a puppet . You are a full fledged human being . You have your own brain . USE IT !
Surround yourself with positive people. And let people see the optimistic you. Speak up when you feel there's something wrong going on , stop looking for someone else to speak on your behalf. There's no harm in voicing your thoughts . We are all different, with different brains and different mindsets. What you think is wrong might not be wrong for someone else or vice-versa.
Don't stop making decisions with the thought of being wrong , 'cause not making a decision in itself is a failure.
Just remember this ...
You are no less than a snowflake
'Cause you are unique.
You are no less than a diamond
the whole world seeks.
You are no less than Shakespeare ,
for you've got a beautiful mind.
You are no less than any human,
'cause YOU are one of a kind !