An open letter to anyone who falls for me.

I see. I notice. I feel. I know. I just don't show.

Yes, I saw you stealing glances the other day while I was scribbling something in my notebook. Don't stare like that, people do notice it and its awkward.

I feel you protecting me even when I don't need you.

I notice you blushing when I thanked you for the pen I borrowed.

I feel how much you care for me.

I notice that twinkle in your eyes when you ask me out for a movie or coffee.

I know how much you love me, I just don't show.

This girl you're falling for has been through hell before, about which you probably don't know. Or maybe you do.

Her walls have been broken down with no intention of loving her, she has been in love with no hopes of being loved back, she has been scarred, she is suffering and fighting with her inner-demons alone, since what seems like an eternity now. 

She is broken. I am broken. 

Run away. Climb out of the dark abyss you're falling in to. Its endless and you may find no scope of light in it. You will cover yourself up in her darkness, her mystery. Its all dark and ugly.

I will push you away and hurt you, say words I never meant, stab you right in the heart, walk away, but just to send you away. I will show you my worst side - my inhumane side, my rude side, my bitchy side. Go away before I hurt you enough. 

I will scar your soul with my insecurities, my fears and with my apathy. I fear love, I will make you fear me.

But let me tell you one thing, I crave to be loved too, I crave to be held close too on a cold night, I crave to fall in love too. I will tell you things I never told anyone, because they never wanted to hear. I will hold your hand tighter than ever, because my fingers never fit somebody else's hand better. I will unravel myself to you, slowly. But then you will leave too, I know. You will break down my walls, love me, hurt me and then leave. If not now, but later you will. Just like him. Its just a matter of time. Love is as fleeting as time.

You're perfect. You love me. But I'm all  about darkness and nightmares. Who loves a nightmare?

I will let you close and then push you away. I will let you love me, and will hate you in a way. I will trust you and then doubt you again. Yet I will fear you when you say, I love you.

I will give up on you even before you do, with a vague hope that you will come seeking me. 

Yes, I fear falling for you. Will you let me fly? I know you won't.

Will you still be in love? I know you won't.

From,
A commitment-phobic girl.