3rd letter to myself

As my good nature burns into dust

I have lost my mind of the words of others

I don't know myself anymore

Trap inside a cell where endless words describe me

Fat, ugly, manipulative, and greedy

I am tired of living as a human

If I am here to exist to become someone they expect me to be

then I should not exist.

I wished I never interacted as I knew from the start it would be a stupid idea

I am trapped inside this cell 

Safe from people who flood my mind with negative thoughts

but deep down I completely consumed myself in darkness

My soul has lost meaning as my body decays

I asked myself " My kind nature sickens me and I should become a monster"

A monster that everyone hates 

yet free from whatever standard they wish for me to become

But that would never happen.

I am an angel chained from the earth and as I have a life debt to pay

As my wings were the exchange and bound me on earth.

I wish wasn't born so that I would not taste human pain

I am already tired from hiding and living 

As my youth fades without any memorable memories to even to remember

My happiness is inexistent for when I was young I have already had a trauma

I do not deserve to be happy and I need to suffer until my life turns into ashes.

I do not need help for I was even a mistake, to begin with.