A letter to my Ex-best friend

I din't know what happened to us to be honest, I didn't know what broke us two apart, I didn't know what pushed us to the edge of not talking, I didn't know that this would end up breaking my heart into millions of pieces.

But I knew losing you would be losing me too, I loved you like a brother, I loved you like you were family, and I loved you because I just did.

But before we get all too emotional I want to say these words of thanks.

I want to say thank you for accepting me the real fucked up me that's broken and empty and lost when you knew me, I want to say thank you for the stuff you've given me for my birthdays, I want to say thank you for loving me despite me being someone hard to love ( I guess cause I say that to myself hahaha), i want to say thank you for being with me for three years well almost three years, and lastly I want to say thank you for the friendship you had given for the past almost three years.

So with that being said I'll be starting my emotional side, okay?

When I realized I had enough of you I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it, I still wanted to make things work out, to make things as the way it was before, I couldn't handle it, why? Because I loved more than how a best friend should love a best friend, to be honest I had fallen in love with you without me even noticing it, without me realizing that I did love you but I can't have these feeling because i knew you loved someone else.

I did confess to you but you shrugged it off but fuck during those weeks you knew everything felt sweet, everything felt nice but I knew that it was only me feeling it.

Then suddenly you stopped talking to me, you stopped talking to me, you stopped you just stopped and this happened twice the first time I was cool with because I was still immature, but the second time you did it I realised things, things i should've done a long time ago but couldn't, why? Because I fucking loved you.

I should've let you go the first time you did this 'cause that time it might've been easier to let you go, to say goodbye, and end things swiftly without anyone getting hurt. But I chose the hard way around, I chose to stay despite that, I chose to stay to be by your side, I chose to stay because I thought maybe you just forgot about me.

You broke me but I was okay with it, I cried all night just to say I was fine in the morning, I tried talking to you again just to say I'm okay, that I'll always be here for you, that I'll support you no matter what, but deep down I was broken, I was empty, I became hollow and numb because of you.

I did know what happened to us I became tired of you, I did know what broke us two apart it was both of us, I did know what pushed us to edge of not talking it was love, I did know that this would break my heart into a million pieces it was because I loved and cared for you too much until to this very day we aren't talking anymore.

I know this will be a long way to go for me because I know I could be replaced anytime but I can't replace you just as fast you would replace me.

So until I can fully move on from you, until I can say I'm okay without wavering, until I could look you in the eye and feel nothing, and until the day I can just pass by you and not think of our past. I will always be stupid and be here you.