A tale of friendship

It’s been so long since we talked. When was the last time? What have you done? Why did you do it?

You always knew I never get angry, I don’t know how because everytime I think I do I always end up laughing at your little joke which made me realize I’m not mad after all. I’m just upset.

You know me at my best and memorized me at me worse. If I fall you’d be there waiting to catch me and if I stumble you’ll always be there to help me find my balance. We were inseparable. We were family. We were best of friends. I even came to a conclusion that we can neve be broken. We will be there for each other and there will be always “us”.

Just then, a mild blow of the wind under the full moon that stared at me, too bright for the night and the silence that’s creeping back into my mind. It felt almost dead and there were no longer us.

friendship: I always hold on to that. Showing more than its definition to the world…….and look where it got me: left in an island surrounded by warm sea that stretches to the horizon, standing under the heat of the scorching sun. Alone. But the heat didn’t bother me at all. My skin was burning but I never felt anything. My chest burned; it wasn’t exposed to the heat but it was hurting due to the disappointment, and pain that came from the people who became my rock. My friends who personally caused the wounds that slashed my heart and it was their words and actions that were all lies.

You’ve hurt me. I’ve showed that you’re not just a ‘friend’ because friends will always be expose to being left behind. You became family to me even for a short time we’ve met and in family: no one gets left behind no matter what but you chose to drift apart.

I was just a friend to you. Someone you can left hanging in the mid-air, or someone you have a second thought in spending time with.

There’s no apology coming from you.

But I forgive you.

I forgive you for disappointing me. I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you putting a huge price on your time when I asked for it knowing I could never afford to buy your time. I forgive you for not treasuring our friendship when all I did was held it gently like a fragile child and I forgive you for expecting to much of you.

I’m sorry for assuming that I could ever have a special friendship with you and thank you for making me realize I was wrong in a short amount of time.

This is about moving forward and to move on it doesn’t mean to forget you entirely. I just need to forget how I gave our ‘tiny friendship‘ a whole different meaning when I should’ve just give what needs to be given. Thank you for the lesson. I cannot forget what you did but I know it will help me put distance between us so that I wouldn’t risk myself of getting hurt anymore. Even if it means losing you.

I guess you shouldn’t expect and give too much.