Adulthood sucks!

As you see,I changed my username and profile picture due to some privacy issues. Either that or I am just being paranoid!🤷‍♀️

Leaving all that aside,I just want to talk about adulthood. Seriously, who even came up with this idea? Now now now,don't act smart and tell me that adulthood is a natural thing due to ageing bla bla bla..Its not about one's age but its about mental maturity.

I just..aaaarrgh..this is so frustrating. I can't even organize my thoughts properly. Okay..deep breaths..1..2..3.. Here we go..

You see my parents are trying to get me married. They almost changed my mind too. But due to some reasons, the plan didn't go as planned. (Thank god that didn't happen).

And I don't find the idea of love,marriage and all that thing interesting. Love is so overrated. And I think,in the name of love,people just play with trust,emotions and leave one another like a garbage and thats all.

Most of my friends are married (I don't have much friends to begin with tbh). And I can say none of them are satisfied with their love life. They live together just for the sake of society. The get up,do their works,daily chores,job,and then they wind up and sleep. Its just a routine work.

My parents are not that much of a loving couple either. My mom just never leaves my dad's side and my dad never talk back to my mom and they support each other at all the time. But when you watch it keenly,what I find is its not love but its companionship. They just do all this,because its a routine and they don't know anything else or anybody else other than what they are doing right now. But they are pretty awesome parents with some temper issues (same as me) *wink wink*

And my sibling is also married and I cannot comment about it either. Because you know that feeling right. Like when you see from outside,it just looks like everything is perfect and you will gush out like "Awww..how sweet!!!". And then when you look at it closer,you will find that something is off? Like something just didn't feel right? That's exactly what I am seeing. I have my suspicions but I am not in a position to comment about it directly. (You know..😶)

And now everyone is talking about my marriage. Like how I am at the right age, that I should be married off sooner,how my wedding would be bla bla. But nobody is seeing whether I am ready for it. I don't want what everyone is having. A routine. I want something lively. Something fascinating. And I have super duper trust issues. So I don't know how everyone believe that I would just marry a guy and trust my life with him all of a sudden.

Nobody stood by my side when I was having a hard time. But suddenly everyone is interested in my life and giving marriage advices and contacts of potential bridegrooms from this side and that side and this side.

Even if I trust them and marry a guy,how can I be so sure that everything would be alright and he won't break my trust? I don't have anyone to look upto with successful marrige life either. No. Being married and not divorced does not mean a successful marriage. Living life with heart's content filled with love is what a successful marriage looks like. Like you can trust them with all your heart. And be vulnerable all you want. And you will know for sure he/she will not break your trust. That is what I hope for.

And that is the only thing I failed to find so far. I don't want to trust a wrong guy and then forced to live with him just for the sake of my family's honor.That is not even a life. That's just agreement.

And I think, to have a successful marriage,one should be mentally matured, and to know for sure that he/she can live with love, without breaking trust,not letting go of eachother even at the time of ups and downs. Because we all know that life is not full of sunshines and peaches all the time but it will have its rough weather too.

Aarrgh..I don't know whether anything makes sense or not. But I hope someday I will find someone I can trust with my heart.

❤❤❤❤❤