All In The Name Of Friendship

"Yes! We are friends. My mind says “NO! you are lying”, my heart says the same, but my tongue utters the word Yes!

It all started when I was 16. I saw him, for the first time in the Sports Club in my neighbourhood. I was a part of the Gymnastics section and he, football. The first thing I uttered when I saw him playing first time was “What a talented, passionate player!” I cheered him up, just like others. And at the end of the match, went to congratulate him on his victory! We shaked hands and smiled at each other.

That evening, I enquired my friends about him. Just felt like knowing more about this talented guy. They told me something about him. But when they asked”Why do you want to know suddenly about him?”, I couldn’t answer. I was very much clear in my mind that I was eager to know about the passionate player AND NOT ABOUT THE BOY HIMSELF. But I just couldn’t give any answer. Why? I didn’t know.

My friends started teasing me and so to normalize everything I decided to be friends with him. We didn’t know each other well. We didn’t even talk ever except for ‘congrats’. So, suddenly asking to be friends seemed quite odd to me, but much more odd was my uneasy feeling. Just like, when one tries to talk to his/her crush for the first time. But I went and asked to be friends which he readily agreed. But, the chats that followed , his waving of hands, felt no more of that of a friend. Maybe, its due to those common teenage feelings. Anyways, those were my heart-beat rate increaser!!

But, all that time, I was completely unaware that I was yet to do the biggest pretention of my life, that of friendship. This happened when ‘he’ became committed to someone else. I, no more, had chances of expressing my feelings. I had to smile at him, talk and wave hands, all in the name of friendship. I was advised by my friends to move on. Is that so easy?

Whenever I saw him with ‘her’, I smiled, even though my heart cried. Gradually, he came to know about my feelings from someone. But we acted indifferent to this happening. He behaved normally so even I did. I was a career-concentrated girl who hated’one-sided affairs at this age, so I moved on.

After some years, both of us were busy with our lives, career. Once, one of our common old friends told me that he had developed some feelings for me lately. He told our common friends that he couldn’t ever express it to me! Why? Because he was afraid that by doing so, he would hurt ‘her’, which he didn’t want to do. Also, what will society say? People would blame him saying that he has cheated her.

What else could I do? Even I was not to express my feelings cause people would blame me for taking away someone’s dear person and hurting ‘her’. So now, we just wish each other on our birthdays over social networking site and in this only way we are trying to continue our friendship. This means a lot to me.

Some years back, I dreamt of a time when, we’ll come together. But, I could wait and have patience, ONLY IF I KNEW WHAT OUR FUTURE HOLDS FOR US. So, I dream no more. I just wish him the best of his future. Now I have moved on, but not very sure about him. But in my mind with my heart as witness, I promise, I’ll remember your birthday and wish you forever, if reqd. I’ll take care of you, I’ll always be ready to share your sadness and help you in your difficult times, ALL IN THE NAME OF FRIENDSHIP."