ATLAS

TRIVIA: My Best Friend Thought I was Dead Once and Prepared a Eulogy for my Funeral, The Darned Witch.

Two weeks after his death, she went to his grave.

It was the first time she got to see his so-called "final resting place" and she smiled at how colorful his headstone was. Well, not the headstone, per se. It was the standard black granite with his name carved in gold letters along with the words "Peace at last". It was the flowers that she noticed. Colorful flowers everywhere ranging from white to orange and red.

So many flowers; so many people saddened by the sudden loss. So many people loved him. But that wasn't so shocking. He was kind and bright. Cheerful and always ready to help. He loved easily and he was easy to love.

"I'm sorry it took me so long", she began, "A lot of things were happening all at once and it wasn't easy to accept that you're gone. It still doesn't feel like you are, really", she chuckled morosely. The first few tears fell down her face then.

"I read your letter", she smiled weakly. "I never knew you felt that way. You never really made it obvious. Hell, I could never really tell what you're thinking. That...that wasn't fair, you dick", she chuckled again through the tears.

"You should've talked to me, you know? I could have done something. We--we could've tried something, maybe. Anything. That wasn't fair..."

"You said you didn't want to keep hurting", she sobbed and tried to wipe the tears away, like he would've. "You said you're tired but you never told us that. We could've just worked through it. You wrote something about not wanting to be a bother to us. Like somehow, the pain was only for you to bear. You fucking drama queen", she laughed bitterly.

"What does that mean? That you didn't want to show how painful it was for you and we would never have understood? How the fuck would we when you never said a thing? Were we supposed to just get it? What the fuck is up with that? How would we ever understand that?!" She shouted at the headstone.

She stood there, in silence, for a good long minute. She waited for a reply of some kind--in the wind, maybe. If there was an afterlife he would've sent a signal right then and there.

Nothing happened. The world went on without paying attention. Uncaring. Unaffected. Death is normal, after all. Even if it's a suicide. These days, everyone and their dog knows someone who did it. He wasn't any special.

"You're such an asshole..." She scrubbed her cheeks roughly to get the tears off.

It took her another minute to stop the sobs and crouch down. She stared at the golden letters that mockingly stared back and spoke with a flat, emotionless voice.

"I want you to know something, you selfish bastard: you didn't end the pain; you forced it onto us and spread it like a disease."

And with that she stormed off, leaving the grave alone in the summer sun.

-R

I don't think it's okay or fair to judge someone for committing suicide. You can't really expect someone to just be fine when you tell them to be fine. Then again, it's not fair to kill yourself without giving yourself a chance to work things out.

Talk to someone if you're feeling sad. Just someone who's not me. I don't help people who don't help themselves and most of what you'll hear will be sarcastic comments.