Enough

November Lonely Hearts Ep 1:

Words Left Unsaid Will Fester Like Wounds Untreated

You told me I never put in enough in our relationship. I wasn't good at communicating and I never knew how to show you my appreciation. I tried a lot. At least, I think I tried to. Guess it wasn't enough.

I got drunk one time and friend of ours asked why we broke up and I gave her the same reason you gave me: 

"Not enough effort on my part."

She said that was bullshit. 

I agreed but the words felt stuck in my throat. I felt bitter and guilty at the same time. It felt wrong to blame you but at the same time it hurt to think you never considered that I did try on my part.

I know it isn't much. Even I think I never gave enough effort. I know that better than anyone. That's why I hate myself more than anyone else.

But the thing with you is that you were different. I know I've said it before--hell, I've used that line countless of times. But you truly were different from everyone--everything--else. 

You were the first person who drowned out the hatred in me.

Just for the simple fact that you said you loved me the way I am. For some reason, that was enough for me. 

You loved me so much even I started loving myself, too.

I'm sorry it took a while before I realized that. I should have probably put in more effort, huh?

-R