Dismantle With Care

M: We did alright. The twins look happy.

W: Really? I think what you mean is ‘the twins looks happy, despite what we did.’

W laughs. M doesn’t.

Time: 12.05 pm.

Location: UC San Diego. Graduation Day.

M: Good to see you haven’t stopped trying to have a sense of humor.

W: Good to see you haven’t lost any weight.

M: Wow! It took you just (looks at his watch) six minutes to bring that up! I owe our daughter a drink. She said you’d do it before they call her to the stage.

W: (smiling) Well, shame on you for taking a bet with a mathematician. Now we know she didn’t get that from you.

M: Okay, will you stop now? How did this even start?

W: (laughs) Did we ever remember why we fought? I think the ‘why’ stopped mattering after what… seven years into our marriage?

M: Ah, so about the same time the sex stopped. I don’t have to be a mathematician to solve that equation.

W: Oh, come on now! We both know the sex only stopped for one person.

M: For the last time… I didn’t cheat on you… back then.

W: And like I tried to tell you every time in those excruciating couples therapy sessions… cheating is timeless. It didn’t matter when it started. You cheat. You loose. You asshole.

M: Oh, you’re right! I don’t know what I was thinking… that after nearly ten years of being divorced, you would have moved past that one mistake.

W: Isn’t that the best part of being divorced? We don’t have to resolve anything anymore. Look at us, talking calmly about those years of neglect and blame-throwing.

M looks at W.

M: Well, look at you, still the prettiest demon I ever laid eyes on… and sold my soul to.

W: Shh! The twins are up next!

A few minutes later, as the graduation ceremony ends.

W: Well, now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way… there’s nothing else left to say. I think the kids will be a while before they get free. I guess I’ll just… I’ll see you around.

W starts to talk away. M holds her by the arm.

M: Hey.

W: What?

M: Drinks?

W looks into M’s eyes, and they stare at each other for a second too long.

W: Drinks.

25 years ago. Same location. Same day.

Let’s call this the ‘Past’ Day.

Time: 1.20pm.

M: Oh man. You dad did not look happy when he saw me.

W: That’s because he doesn’t see what I see.

M: Oh yeah?

M kisses W.

M: That’d be so reassuring if my future depended on what you thought of me. Unfortunately, it’s guys like him who control what happens next.

W: Can we not do this again?

M: Do what? It was a joke.

W: No, it wasn’t. The whole last month you’ve been so bitter. So what if you don’t have a job lined up yet? You’ll figure it out.

M: I’m 22 years old. Yesterday, I was a kid, and a student. Today, I’m a grown up, and unemployed.

W: You’ve been unemployed for an hour. Chill!

M: Fine. I’m sorry. Not gonna be a bitter bitch again... for the rest of the day. Let’s celebrate this new stage. We’ve still got a couple hours before the parties start. Drinks?

W: Drinks.

25 years later. Same day as before.

Calling this ‘Present’ Day. Get used to the whole switching thing.

M and W are at the ‘Home Plate’ bar on campus.

Time: 2.15pm.

M: I’m sorry. I am. It wasn’t about you.

W: Why would it be? Cheating is never about the ones who get fucked over. Just the ones who do the fucking.

M: You're right. It was about me. I...

W: What? Tell me. Why did you have to cheat? Let's skip all those hours of therapy and get right to it.

M: I...

W: Because it couldn't be because she was prettier!

M: What? You thought she was prettier?

W: No. I know she wasn't. I know I'm better. That's why this sucked. Because I couldn't blame her for anything. Tell me. If it wasn't for her looks, why do it?

M: Because. She wasn't you.

W: That's it? You just wanted to fuck someone who wasn't me?

M: I wanted to be with someone who hadn't had enough time to know my every weakness. Someone who didn't hate me already. Someone who I didn't fight with every day. Someone who wasn't you. Because those last few years, we were the worst. Fighting became a default mode. A habit. And I just couldn't see myself having sex with this new you, because it would only remind me of the you in you that I loved... but was gone now.

W: (pauses) Did you ever think she wasn't fully gone?

Past Day.

Time: 3.15pm.

M: What are you thinking about?

W: Hmm?

M: You’ve been slow slipping that beer for the past 20 minutes. That’s not usual.

W: I’m just…

M: You’re just what?

W: I’m just wondering about what happens tomorrow.

M: Relating to what?

W: Relating to us.

M: Us? Why? Are we going somewhere?

W: Are we?

M: I… wait… are you trying to indirectly ask me if I’m planning a surprise vacation?

W: What? No!

M: Hmm. (pauses) are you telling me to plan it?

W: No…

M: Then what’s tomorrow?

W: You asked me if we’re going somewhere. I’m asking if we’re going… somewhere… if this… us… thing… is going somewhere?

M: Oh.

W: Yeah.

M: Why are you so worried?

W: You’re not?

M: No!

W: Why not!

M: Because! We’re here. We’re together. Why would I be worried?

W: Because vacation’s over.

M: Don’t say that.

W: Does saying it stop it from happening? I had no idea my voice was a time machine.

M: I don’t mean that… I just… I’m not worried about us. I’m worried about other things… but not us.

W: Why? What makes you so confident that we’re going to survive everything that life is about to throw at us?

M: I… I don’t know. I just… I know we’re in this together. We made a decision, and we’re going to stand by it.

W: How can you think that it’s going to be that simple?

M: I don’t know if it will. But it’s what I’ve got. This… us… is my constant. My stable ground. I can’t… question it. (pauses) You’re right. We shouldn’t be talking about this stuff. Another round?

Present Day.

Time: 3.45pm.

W: You used to asked me this thing. I liked it at first... but eventually it drove me insane.

M: What thing?


W: What are you thinking.

M: What?

W: ...are you thinking.

M: I'm thinking about why you're changing the subject.

W: No! You used to ask me 'what are you thinking'.

M: Hmm. I did?

W: Yeah. A lot. In college. Pretty much like... I think till the kids were born. 

M: Huh. I... I don't remember.

W: It's okay. I don't know why I'm mentioning it. Just came to me. 

A few seconds later.

W: Why did you stop?

M: Hmm?

W: Why did you stop asking?

M: Oh. I don't know. I guess... 

W: I know why.

M: Ah. Got tricked again. You already know the answer but you ask me the question just to screw with me. I guess you haven't changed much after all.

W: When we met... when we were just... kids... here on this campus. You used to ask me that... and you were actually curious. You wanted to know what I was thinking. You wanted to have access to my thoughts. To be reassured that I was thinking something that you were okay with. But then... you stopped. Why?

M: You know why. At least the why you think. And you're going to say it so just... say it.

W: Because you stopped caring. You stopped wanting to know. You started dreading the answers. You didn't want to know.

M: Sure. Keep telling yourself that. I'm the villain. As always.

W: (looks away) I learned, slowly and painfully, that it wasn’t all your fault. No one taught you how to be a man. How to treat a woman. How to be a good father. You didn’t have any of that growing up. You had to learn it all on your own. With your own trial and error. (looks back at M) But you know where you failed? You didn’t try much. Because you didn’t care to find out if what you were doing was good or bad. You just did the bare minimum. Make the money. Buy the toys. Do the vacations. Those are events. That isn’t a life. That isn’t a family.

M: And what about you?

W: What about me?

M: All this analysis of me, and my flaws, and my life, but what about you? Did you waste all those therapy sessions that I paid for just talking about me? I guess that’s better. I paid for them. Should get my money’s worth.

W: You paid for them? I’m not even going to get into that. Get to your point.

M: Fine. What about you? Who were you the whole time I was being a mediocre human being? Did you - at any point - think about taking a break from judging me, and I don’t know, just for a change, actually help… us?

W: I…

M: No you didn’t. Not once. Every time I screwed up. The discussion… oh wait, wrong word. There was never a discussion. There was a judgment. A ruling. “You fucked up. You broke something. Put it back together. While I sit here and show your kids how much of a disappoint you are. Let them see how I don’t respect you.”

W is quiet.

W: I… you never said that during the therapy.

M laughs, then pauses.

M: You don’t announce that you’re injured, and the exact spot of your injury, during war, to the enemy. I wanted to come out of it alive.

W: You wanted to win.

M: So did you.

W: When did it become about winning?

M: Wasn’t it always?

W: Not in the beginning.

M: (pauses) Yeah. We were on the same side in the beginning.

Waiter asks them if they want a refill.

W: What time is it?

M: About 4.

W: (looks at the waiter) No more beers. He’ll have a scotch. Any glen. Or a Macallan if you have one. And I’ll have a bourbon. Makers. Straight up. Double. Both of em.

M: Really? Whisky while the sun still shines? Are you sure you can handle it?

W: I’ve had enough practice.

Past Day.

Time: 4.15pm.

M: What are you thinking?

W: (smiles) I'm thinking... I wonder what he's thinking.

M: Funny.

W: Tell me. Because I know you are.

M: I just… I feel like I’m so used to running, that now I’m not sure what it would be like to stop.

W: Or if you’ll even like it.

M: Yeah.

W: Whatever happened to not saying stupid grown up shit today?

M: Ah. Sorry. You asked! But you're right... we keep trying to be anything but serious and then we come right back to it.

W: Look, I know what you’re talking about. But can I give you some advice?

M: You’re 4 months younger than me, but sure.

W: Hah. (pauses) Let’s play a game.

M: Sounds less like advice and more like a ‘I forgot what I was going to say so I’m going to improvise’.

W: Shut up. You wanna stay at my place tonight?

M: Is that the game?

W: That’s the prize.

M: Ah. Okay. I’m in.

W: Of course you are.

M: (rolls his eyes) What’s the game.

W: Hmm. You, have to tell me, where you see yourself… 10… no! 20 years from now.

M: What? Why is this becoming a job interview?

W: No! It’s not like a job interview at all. When you do those, you just give them the answer they want to hear. I want you to tell me, if you could do anything, be anything, and you got to do it… what would that look like?

M is quiet.

W: Think faster!

M: What! You asked me to think about the next two decades! (pauses) Okay, I’ll give you your answer. On one condition.

W: No. No no no. I’m not going to do that thing tonight.

M: (laughs) That’s not what I was asking about. Although…

W: No.

M: Fine! What I was going to ask is… I’ll answer your question, if you do the same.

W: Okay. You go first.

M: Alright. I… I want… everything.

W: Everything?

M: Yup. Everything.

W: Hmm. Like what?

M: Hmm. Well. There’s money. Gotta have that. A family that doesn’t suck? That would be nice. A little bit of fame, just enough to make feel like strangers love me, but not so much that I don’t appreciate it.

W: Ah. And how do you plan to get all that?

M: I don’t know yet. If I did, I would already have it, wouldn’t it? But I do feel like I’m almost there. All I’m missing is the first step. That first little sense of direction. Some sign that says in big bold letters... ‘yup, this is what you need to do to get to where you wanna go.'

W: (laughs) Okay! Well, glad you’re finally a bit optimistic about it...

M: Optimistic? I’m terrified! I have no idea where to start! (calms down) And I also said I wouldn’t sulk, so… alright, your turn.

W: Hmm. Well…

M: Don’t pretend like you already didn’t have your own answer planned out the minute you asked me the question.

W: (laughs) Fine! (pauses) I guess… I just don’t want to become somebody else.

M: What do you mean?

W: I... like... me. I like the me I’ve put together in college. But now it’s over. And I’m… not sure of how long I’ll be able to stay… me. And I’m just worried that… (pauses) do you think this is what happened to my parents too? All parents? They used to be us, you know. They sat at their graduations, drinking beer and laughing, and then boom… couple decades later… they’re not us. They’re not this. They’re not young. They’re… people. People with jobs. People with bills. People with anger. People with unfulfilled dreams. You know… people often talk about the person they want to become… but I… I don’t want a new person to take over my body. I want to stay me. I want to be me… forever.

M: Well, that’s good news. Because I love this you.

Present Day.

Time: 4.45pm.

W: You didn't become a man till you were 35...and it wasn't an improvement.

M: (laughs) That’s a good one! Can’t believe you never used it.

W: It was… too mean. Even for me. Even for you.

M: Well, still hurts because I know you mean it. At least evil you means it. And I spent more time with her than I did with the smart you.

W: Evil me is smart me.

M: Of course it is. What else you got?

W: You… (pauses)

M: What? Too mean, again?

W: No… just too real. I don’t think we should be doing this. It’s not a good idea.

M: Wait, wait, wait. All these insults, we’re so deep in, and we're finally doing them on demand... and you want to quit now?

W: You really want to know?

M: Yeah. Give it to me.

W: It’s not a line… it’s something you did. Which at first, annoyed me. And then later, infuriated me.

M: Oh… okay. What did I do?

W: It’s something you used to say… (pauses) 'Kids. Listen to your mother.' That’s all you did. You pushed everything on me. If I make all the decisions... I get blamed for all the bad outcomes.

M is quiet. 

W: What?

M: How are you able to put together 13 years of our marriage and condense that entire time into a statement like ‘that’s all you did’? How myopic are you?

W: Oh yeah. How would you summarize our marriage then?

M: You don’t want to know.

W: No, what I don’t want is to pay a therapist $400 a week to have him tell me what he thinks you think.

M: Ouch. Alright. Give me $400 and I’ll tell you.

W: I’ll write you a check. Tell me.

M: I… what I know now… and what I didn’t see clearly then… is that somewhere during our time together, we… it’s like we melded minds… I was able to be in your head, and you in mine. And we were able to understand each other in an almost... symbiotic way. It’s like… (looks into her eyes) we held eye contact for the longest time… for so long, that we got used to it. And then one day, I don’t know why, or for what reason, it broke. We weren't looking at each other anymore. Not at the same time. I couldn’t see your thoughts anymore. I couldn’t see you anymore. We stopped being the us we had put together, together. We became two individual minds again. And the worst part is… I don’t think I did anything to stop it from happening...

W: (looks into his eyes) And I didn’t do anything to fix it either…

M: (smiles) I guess so.

W is quiet for a few seconds. They continue looking at each other, without breaking eye contact.

A minute passes by. Both of their phones buzz. They look away, together.

M: It’s the kids. They’re almost done. I’ll tell them to find us here.

W: Yeah.

M: What?

W: I… that… what you just said… worth every penny.

M smiles. So does W.

M: Let’s play a game.

W: What?

M: What what? You forgot what games are?

W: What kind of game?

M: Tell me, if you could have anything you wanted, be anything, what would that look like?

W: (smiling) Ah! I see what you just did there.

M: I’m a man of no mystery. So… what would you do?

W: Pretty much what I’ve been doing this past decade since our divorce. Well, at least last couple years, once the anger… most of it… subsided. I’ve lived. The kids were off to college. You were on another coast, too far for me to even think about. So I just… became me again. Or at least began a relationship, a new journey, with this... modified me. When we were 22, I was so scared of losing my youth… and now I’ve found it again… and I have a better handle on it this time, I think.

M: Wow. I’m… happy to hear that. I’m happy for you.

W: Thank you. (pauses) What about you?

M: I… hearing you talk… about being 22… I… I just realized it. Everything I said to you that day, 25 years ago pretty much to this day… when we played this same game… what I said… I did all of that. And more. But I… I didn’t focus on everything though. I didn’t see some things coming. I didn’t know what parts of my life... I had to protect the most. So if I had to say what I could do now… I guess… I know we didn’t really get this marriage done right… but I wish that… if I could do anything… I would try to make this family work. Be better at my part at least.

Past Day.

Time: 5.45pm.

W: The sun’s going down.

M: Goodbye, hope. See you in the next life.

W: Shut up. We have everything we could ever need to do what we want.

M: Fine, fine. You’re right. I’m with you.

W: Hmm… I know something that would cheer you up.

M: What?

W: You’ll have to trust me on this one.

M: You know I do.

W: We’re not gonna do the parties tonight.

M: (surprised, excited) Are we doing that other thing?!

W: (hits him on the arm) No, you idiot. (looks at the time) It’s almost 6. If we get in the car right now, we should be able to reach Disneyland in time for the fireworks.

M: I… are you serious? That’s a great idea!

W: I’m full of great ideas. You should listen to me more often.

M: I… will. I promise.

Present Day. 

Time: 5.45pm.

W: This bar. Do you remember what it used to be?

M: This place? It wasn’t there during our time?

W: Hah! We were here long before that scotch. This bar, used to be a little co-op shop.

M: Oh yes! What was it called…

W: Au…

M: Audrey’s Commune!

W laughs.

M: Wow. We… that’s… this is where we met.

W: Yup. 25 years ago.

M: Damn. Who were those kids?

W: They… we were kids.

M: Do you think…

M doesn’t finish that sentence.

W: What?

M: I don’t know. Silly thought.

W: The gloves are off. Tell me.

M: Have you ever thought about… what it would have been like… if I hadn’t… that day…

W: Seen me naked?

M: Well, no, I didn’t mean that specific incident. I just mean…

W: Stop picturing it!

M: What! It was so… you were… damn it… still are… a knockout.

W: You couldn’t stop staring.

M: There wasn’t much else to look at. And it was your fault for changing at the co-op.

W: You were saying something before this tangent.

M: Oh. Right. Well, I was just thinking that… have you ever thought about…

W: What life would have been like… without us ever meeting?

M: Yeah.

W: Well, I… I feel like I’m living it now.

M: What do you mean?

W: I…

M puts his hands up.

M: No weapons. I promise.

W: You... I… it was all so… it was like we were like… the fireworks at Disneyland. Loud. Bright. Fun. Magical. Repetitive. Temporary.

M: A fantasy.

W: Yeah. And these last 10 years, all I’ve really done is tell myself that… our marriage… it was a dark fairytale. Like the ones Disney based his movies on. So yeah, this is reality. No fantasy. No us. Just you. And just me.

They’re both quiet. W looks around, looking at all the strangers in the bar. M looks to the other side, at the people in gowns outside the bar.

M: Look out the window.

W: What?

M: Right now. Look where I’m looking.

W turns her head to the opposite side.

M: What do you see?

W smiles.

W: The twins.

M: There it is.

W: What?

M looks back at W.

M: Why do you think I insisted on us going to Disneyland every year? And watch the fireworks. Even when you didn’t want to. Even when the kids started to not care?

W: You wanted to keep the fantasy alive.

M: And you hated me for doing that.

W: Because it wasn’t real.

M: It was for them. (pauses) It was... for us... the people we used to be.

W: We fought so much. Every single damn time.

M: But never inside! We fought on the way there. And on the way back. But never while we were inside. Inside, we were a family. Sure, the fantastical, temporarily happy version of a family, but we had it. We had our moment.

W: What’s your point?

M: Look back outside. Look at our kids.

W: I don’t know what you want me to see.

M: See how happy they look! We were a horrible couple. The worst. But they… they are beautiful. They’re magical. Bright. Fun. Real. Permanent.

W: A fantasy come true.

M: Yeah. We made fireworks.

W: Yeah.

The twins see them. Smiling. They wave at them. M and W wave back. The twins gesture them to come out. So they do that.

B: Dad!

G: Mom!

They cross-hug... B-M, G-W, then B-W, G-M.

G: Mom, should we get going? We have to get to the restaurant in like an hour and we wanted to have enough time to change and take some pictures.

W: Yeah, I’m ready.

B: Dad, I guess we’ll see you directly at downtown? Around 10?

M: Sure thing.

M gives a kiss to B and G, and starts to walk away.

W: Actually, you guys, I was thinking... maybe your dad can join us for the dinner?

B & G are surprised. Shocked. Stunned. Speechless.

B: I…

G: Dad?

M turns around. He can’t believe it either. He walks back up to them.

M: Well… on one condition.

W: Oh, forget it.

M: As long as your mom comes along for the bar hopping after.

B & G are confused but excited. 

B: Mom?!

W looks at M.

W: Hmm. I have a condition too.

M: What is it?

W: We - all four of us - go to Disneyland tomorrow.

B & G are surprised, not too excited.

B: Really?

G: How drunk are you two?

M: Kids. (looks at W) Listen to your mother.

The end. 

How I Wrote It

Oh dear. This one took forever. I broke my own rule / code / pattern on this one. I was so sure I would finish it in a week. After all, that's what I do. After all, I had been thinking about this story for over a year! After all, that's not how you use, after all. 

So... what went wrong, this time?

I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything. In a bit. Wrote a guide about this one. You can read it here - 

How To Dismantle With Care

Just FYI, this story is part of the 'Dismantle With Care' Challenge that I put out on the Playground around April 7 or 8 I think. And I said I would publish it by April 15. Then April 22. And here we are, on April 29, finally. 

BTW, if you have thoughts on this story, I'm listening. Type it all out below. Type it like it's a free therapy session. Type it all.