Drowning

The water is tranquil and fathomless. There is no shore in sight, just fog that covers the edges. He looks straight up to the dark clouds above and they stare back. The wind is dead, and this is the closest thing to a funeral it gets. The world has stopped. There is no motion, no color, no sound except for the rhythmic beats of a heart to which a pair of lungs dance. The ataraxia is disturbed by a constant force. The gravity pulls him down. She has no love, hate or bias. Everything is her slave and even time bends in her presence.

The water rises to cover more of his body, he panics. He knows how to swim, but he can't move. It isn't fear yet, it's just rebellion. His body refuses to move. Only a few constituents remain loyal. He drowns to the depths. Whatever little light the sun was able to get past the might of the clouds is starting to wane. The gravity is constant, merciless and powerful, but the water is benign. His lungs keep dancing and as the fluid enters his bieng and its molecules dissolve to let him breathe again. It's cold, but not gelid. As he sinks, he can feel the water trying to push him out, but there is only so much a slave can do.

The silence around him starts to pierce his soul. There is no sound except for the beats from his chest, but the tempo is rising. He looks around, there is nobody. He can't swim or struggle, he just bends to the will of the master. His tears deliquesce and are erased. His chest becomes a cage as echos of thunder escape it, the beast inside wants to be set free. The dance becomes a riot, with neither in the pair able to decide wether they want  to keep the air they inhale or not. His eyes search the space for anything, even a particle of sand would do, but everything that entered Adams ale has long been digested with no remains. The silence grows louder every second, he can't even hear his own voice. There is nobody. 

Three years of drowning again and again only to wake up in the real dimension taught him that the master spares him one last time, everytime. It's just wether his neurons can hold it together until benevolence reaches the master to convince her otherwise. Every night he would sink a little deeper. It would be a little colder. The silence would be a little louder. But everyday, he will wake up, being blessed with another chance to carry on. 

The sleep was bieng cut short these days. He was studying late into the night. He had to make good grades if he wanted to get a good job. Sentiments and all don't earn money or food. As he would run to his classes, he would see her, like he had for the past two years. For a while, he would be better than wet and cold. He would be warm. He was in love with a lavender, she was in love with a boxer. The lavenders smile was breathtaking, her presence turned the earth into heaven. He felt happy and warm. Take all that, add a hint of madness and a pinch of some emotions and you get a perfectly brewed batch of love. He was wasted on it and drunk on her. 

She looked at him, as he struggled with a simple question. The current subject wasn't his forte. "You need help?". That's how they started. Little help sessions became chats, acquaintances became friends. She could read his face as he tried to comprehend the meaning of the question proposed. She would always ask him the same question, to get a stupid smile and a simple, repeated answer. "Yeah". They began talking more, beyond just problems, as the distance between them was devoured by time. Math would predict that they would continue to orbit each other until they both spun out of control and collapsed into one another. But the lavender was not yet his to keep. Now every night, he could hear the lavender drown the silence out. He could feels her warmth and he didn't mind sinking. The beast still bashed the cage but it was alright. But every now and again, fuelled by revenge, the silence would overwhelm her voice, and the cold would return like December to envelope him in a blanket of sorrow. But these nights, benevolence had lost most of its sway on the master, who would let him sink ever deeper than before. Soon, he didn't need the nursing of the night sky to sink. So he dove into the water anywhere, anytime, without having a say in it. He was only a puppet, helpless and powerless. Everytime the weight above him would compress his will, testing it's breaking point. The weight was always a little shy, but his will was withering, as it began to show fractures on it's shield. And lately she had been having less time for him, and more time for the love of her life. As long as she was happy, he would burn his world and let the ash be a fertile bedding on which she can grow her hibiscus of love, which she used to heal her warrior. Everyday she would grind and alloy it with her hand cooked food and garnish this healing tonic with a kiss at the end of the meal.

Still at his seat by her side, perplexed, he looked to the question that he jotted down, flummoxed by it's complexity. His eyes stared into the paper, but it turned grey. His body turned cold. He was back again, at the mercy of the master. Drowning again, in silence, crushed by this weight above him. Absolutely nothing around him. He snapped back for a moment to look up at her staring back, smiling, getting ready to leave. 

"I love you." 

The beast spoke, but the cage muffled his voice. 

"I love you", he growled, but it wasn't loud enough.

The growl became a chant, the chant became a looping cry. He could hear it in his head but somehow, his ears only heard silence. A deep, resonating silence. Prostrated, he looked at her and smiled.

"Help me?"

"Some other time, I got to go now. I'll see you later."

The space was still empty. The silence was louder than it has ever been. Mercy was all he could pray for, mercy from the master as he drowned.