Eulogy for You, Who is Still Alive

As I sit on my bed, sleepless, I thought of you.
Are you sound asleep?
Were you dreaming?
Who were you thinking of before you closed your eyes?
I was wishing you'd think of me even for just a second.
Because tonight is the last night that I will let my heart bring on our memories.
I have to learn to carry on tomorrow.
Tonight, I will take the time....
to dig the grave,
to look at our pictures,
to read your letters,
to gaze at your gifts,
to savor the good and bad things that happened between us,
to cry bitter tears of resentment,
to picture our last moments,
to breathe your scent that lingered in my memories,
to remember how good your voice sounds, how soft your skin feels, and how your arms used to cage me in deep, long embraces,
to convince myself how I have been longing for you, someone who can never be within my reach,
someone I can never have.
to punish myself with thoughts of seeing you again and starting over again.
Tonight I take the time to think of you.

BECAUSE TOMORROW, I WILL BURY US. THE US WHO USED TO LOVE. THE LOVE THAT USED TO BURN FERVENTLY. THE LOVE THAT EVENTUALLY DIED.

UNTIL TOMORROW, I WILL GRIEVE FOR YOU, WHO IS STILL ALIVE.