European Pavements

"I didn't have to care about others, and I felt free. It was refreshing." I couldn't believe how someone's reflection about her trip to Hungary could make my heart agree to it sincerely. I feel like I am not the only soul in the world who seeks freedom. Just that thought alone makes me feel like I have to meet these kind of people more or at least know them. I basically feel alone most of my time in this cruel world; and I don't even know how "being okay" feels like. It was a stranger to the path I am on. And the truth of loneliness will always be along my way. And some unexpected humps will always be ready to bother me. As well as the broken pavement that I befriended. All these thoughts really filled my mind as I write this, I think I could never be this honest. I wish I could experience what this amazing girl felt, I want freedom from others, from myself. And while on the process, I will find something anew in myself that would make my journey much interesting to walk. Although I still feel restless, and would probably feel like that in forever, I know now that I am capable of beating these raging thoughts inside my head. But truth be told, it is so frustrating how you feel like everything around you including yourself has already changed but things and even people just don't agree. It made me sick how it made me frustrated. I thought I was winning until life steals that hope from me, I was almost great but silence choke the confidence in me, the change I once knew, was now ruined. It resonates deep down how people's thoughts and unfamiliar yet relatable songs make me like I wasn't alone. I maybe lost now, helpless and hopeless tomorrow, but I know there's a new street awaiting for me to cross. I want to have a meaningful trip with myself, in my own terms. Wouldn't it be nice?