Handling Oblivion I

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I haven't written much lately in my Semicolon Project, but know that it is in the works and that I'll eventually and inevitably get to it soon. For the mean time I would like to educate you readers as to how to handle depression and how to handle people with depression in the simplest way imaginable. 

I would like to start-off with a simple introduction and as to why you should at least take counsel from someone like me. 

For credentials and reliability's sake, I have graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and I will be taking Masteral's in the field of Clinical Psychology. I have encountered many people who are not only handling depression, but other serious mental illness as well. I have taken both abnormal and clinical psychology subjects as well as physiological psychology (this talks about the science of the brain, dopamine, serotonin, and such) but I'll not go into detail of those subject matters in this article because they will become too technical and boring. (You can buy DSM-5 or google it if you want the technicalities of depression). 

In the end, its up to you, the reader if you want to take this article in mind or not, because I am not yet a professional after all. If there is one thing that I could be confident about, is that I do have experience in handling people with depression and the worse kinds of it. 

With that out of the way, let's start. I'll keep it brief and short and I promise you that there will be no technicalities here.

First off, I would like to talk about the difference between Abnormality and Disorder, since a lot of people tend to interchange the words or at least think they are similar. They are not in anyway similar. The differences are huge and it will make a difference in determining if a person is needs help or not, but, of course, consider the fact, that everyone does need help, no matter what. 

Abnormality or Abnormal Behaviors are behaviors that's out of the norm. Its that simple. There is nothing wrong when people are reacting weirdly or something that is out of their culturally accepted behavior, they are most of the time only expressing themselves in the way they can. An example of this is someone who's grieving when they have lost someone they love. Grieving is essential for us human beings and studies have shown that people grieve in many ways, some cry a lot in a period of time, some don't eat or eat little than what they used to, some become more tired and can't carry out much work, and the examples go on and on, but it is agreed that Grieving is an abnormality that is essential so that the person may recover. Given time, the person will eventually go back to their normal state, however if the person does not recover from the Abnormal behavior (Grieving) then the person might start to have a Disorder.

Disorders are behaviors that is out of the norm (or the person's normal behavior) that hinders the person's capacity to perform for extended periods of time. Unlike Abnormal Behavior, Disorders, tend to last for a very long time and it could also and most likely, affect people around him or her. To expound, disorders help to deteriorate a person's growth and it could also damage a person's survival. Disordersusually come with these similar behaviors: Inability to sleep or eat, Social reclusiveness (avoiding social interactions with anybody or anyone including loved ones), lost of weight (or in some cases unhealthy increase of weight), and constant mood swings.  

TL;DR: Abnormal behaviors are behaviors out of the norm, but it does not affect the person's life or anyone else's, it also only happens for a short period of time. Disorders are behaviors that is out of the norm and it hinders the person's function and performance. This affects the person's growth as well as people around him. It also happens for extended and long periods of time.  

These terms are essential for everyone to understand. You could certainly Google it for a more technical and expanded version, but I have summarized the essential points here. Now let's move on to the simple things you may do as a first line of preventive measures if you think that someone might start to develop symptoms of a certain disorder. 

First: Do not, I repeat, do not, do the diagnosis yourself. We were taught by our professors to never diagnose ourselves, especially when we were exposed to the knowledge of Psychology well. Now if we weren't allowed to do a diagnosis on ourselves or to anyone we know then why should you?

 If you think that you are or someone you know is developing or having certain symptoms that you have Googled or read from some article, Do not say or conclude that you have or they have a certain disorder. Instead what you should do is talk to that person in an understanding matter and ask if they are willing to get professional help. If you think you are having a certain disorder, don't freak out, because most likely you don't. Chances are you're only feeling that way for a period of time. 

However, keep in mind that if the intense feelings persist (for you or for your friend or certain loved one) then please do reconcile with yourself or with the certain person if they want to consider professional help. 

Q: But going to Psychologists is expensive and its shameful

A: Yes its expensive, I know, but they will help you understand your situation more than anyone else. If you want, they could explain in detail, not only to you, but to people whom you trust and love as to what to do, but that is only with your permission. It will certainly save your life or save a person's life. It is not shameful in any way, visiting your Psychologists or Counselors regularly could really help you cope. 

There's also the idea of joining a circle. Circles are places in where people could displace their feelings by talking to other people who are feeling the same way. There's usually a therapist around when it happens, and most of the time its free, although, you do have to speak up in front of people. But they won't force you if you don't want, they will wait until you would like to speak up. Most likely your place has circles or centers for people going through certain disorders or abnormal feelings, all you have to do is google it or look for them Facebook. 

Second: Be there. You don't need to ask what that person is going through, you don't need to shove it in their face that you're there for them, you don't need to overwhelm them with your care and love. Most of the time, if not all the time, all they want is companionship and all you have to do is be there. Be there after work, walk with the person while going home. Be there at school, be in their home, if you can, but you don't have to be there 24/7, just be there when they ask for you, or when you can. 

Talk to the person in a simple manner, don't act like something is completely wrong or don't even ask, as time will come when the person will talk to you about it. If you have an opportunity to ask (This is obvious, because the person would at least try to open up about it) then do ask, but don't push the topic. 

This requires patience and a lot of your time. But usually that's all it takes. If you don't have the time for it, I suggest that you find someone else who could be there for the individual, may it be a relative or another friend of yours. 

Q: I've been with the person everyday but she's not getting any better, she's not even opening up to me.

A: As I said, it takes a lot of time. There will be times when you will be quiet (at times you will think that its awkward) but know that you being by the person's side, without shoving questions or quotes or telling them that everything is going to be alright, helps them more than anything else. In fact, you should just act normal when you're with them, while, of course, avoiding sensitive topics. 

Third: Detach. Its essential to listen and understand the person, but know that you shouldn't sponge or take everything at heart. This what makes Professionals different from all the people out there. As a friend, you must only listen and understand the situation, you shouldn't take in everything completely, you must be able to take care of yourself too. Little do people know, disorders at some point, are quite infectious, and this is why you must refer the person to a known professional. This is also why you shouldn't diagnose yourself or anyone else with mental disorders. 

Q: I think I'm having troubling feelings after my friend opened up, what should I do?

A: Don't freak out, its normal, its just the symptoms of caring. It really just shows that you care. But if the feelings are persistent and its something that bothers you in a daily basis, then you should try to steer out from the topic for a while. I'm not telling you to avoid your friend completely, just try to keep things light with him or her. If you think that you can't handle it, refer your friend to a professional, you must ask your friend for permission first. 

Now there is that essential question that needs to be answered:

Q: What if my friend does not want to go to a professional (this may be due to the lack of money or embarrassment)

A: Explain to your friend the upsides, the positive quirks of being able to have the right diagnosis. These includes: being able to understand what he or she is feeling with the correct explanations, being able to know how he or she could cope, and that in the long run she will be able to find help when help is needed the most. In extreme cases, the psychologist could prescribe medicine to the person in need because there's no over-the-counter drugs for mental disorders. 

You should also tell your friend that he or she only need to visit once for a proper diagnosis may be given. 

Q: What if my friend really does not want to go to a professional, like he or she doesn't even consider it the idea of it?

A: Don't force your friend or anyone to do it. If they really don't want to go then you should let them be. Eventually they will ask for it when the time comes or (hopefully this doesn't happen) when it gets worse. 

TL;DR:Don't do things by yourself, ask for help. Be there for the person. Take care of yourself too. 

These are but a few things you could do as a first line of defense against the demons. Hopefully this helps. 

I will be publishing more stuff like this and I will also keep people updated as much as I could. 

If you have any questions or anything you would like to add, please place your thoughts in the comments below. If you would like to ask me personally, you can  message me here in Launchora or you can also email me at: kenzcompany@gmail.com

If you want some professional help, I could also direct you to some people I know. But this is only for people who live in the Philippines.