I don't feel important

"Everybody's having fun

Except me I'm the lonely one

I live in shame~"

People are liars. They tell you how important you are to them yet their actions tell the other way. They are selfish and annoying. They can't keep their mouth shut and they continue to flirt with their crushes where in fact their friends need them more. They forget your existence when they are happy. While they are so sweet and friendly to you when they need something or when they get sad and lonely. I don't get it. Their words contradict with their actions. I don't feel important to those whom I call "friends". Maybe because they don't know what I feel but still, they should not leave me alone here knowing that I'm not happy with what and where I am right now. I need their company yet they don't even come and talk to me. They seemed so nice when they are talking to me over chat and messages but now, I'm alone here in the corner feeling so lonely and unworthy of their time. People are so hard to predict and handle. One day they are so sweet to you like you matter in their life then the other day, they act like you don't exist and you were just some kind of a tool that they use when they need you.

Maybe it's better to not call them as my friends. Maybe it's better to call them as "users". I don't know but I always feel like this when they are having fun without me and that I feel so sad that I am about to cry while writing this but I know I should not because it will just cause some attention and uproar to them and to be honest I don't feel like being friends with them because they're happy without me like I don't belong to them. I don't belong anywhere, I guess. And I think I will never belong to somewhere, to someone-- in this place and dimension.

No one will understand. No one will know how I feel right now as long as I put on this happy face and continue to go with the flow. Everyone is just the same. Same people with different faces and I'm tired of living in this way. Maybe I can just die because I am not even useful to anyone. I don't get my purpose in this world. What am I to them? I thought I'm their friend yet I don't feel it. I thought I matter to them but I guess not.

I understand that their life doesn't revolve around me but still, they should show some care and keep me company because boy, I feel so hopeless and worthless right now. I know they won't know if I won't tell them but they don't even try to recognize how I feel. Maybe I should just cut my ties with them. Maybe I should just end our friendship because I think it will not make a change anyway. I'm not important nor special to them so why bother? I'm just giving them a hard time and I just put myself into suffering. Right. I should not care about them, I should not expect that they would treat me the same way as I treat them. I shouldn't have trusted them that they will not make me feel alone and such. I guess it's better to remove them in my life. Like come on, I need them but they're not here. If they won't notice my pain, then why would I bother spending my time with them? I will never trust anyone anymore. I will never ever get attach to every people who call themselves as my "friend". I don't want this. I don't want this anymore. I'm done. I've had enough of people. I'll just live with myself...alone.