Life, as you see it

Recently, someone told me that I was transforming from being a "girl" to being a "woman" and I wasn't quite sure if I felt the same about myself in that moment. I didn't know there was a difference, to start with. I have been away from home, family and  comfort (if you consider cooking, cleaning on your own everyday) from almost two years now. It wasn't the best time to leave my family either, as we were already dealing with too many losses, even human life. But hey, it all turned out to be for the best, right? I always wondered what life would have been like if I had given up in that phase of my life. I was not sure about most of the things I was doing in my life for a very, very long time after I moved out of India. I probably still ain't. What's more important is to know that eventually I can, and I will. And I don't need a validation from anyone whatsoever for this. I made mistakes, I falied myself in things I didn't know I would. Eventually, I learnt with each mistake why it was how it was.

I was in a state of negativity and low self-esteem, and I expected things to turn upside down in a snap (now, we all know I don't own Thanos's Gauntlet; sigh) without me having done anything about it. Things have never been easy for me - is something you would probably hear from every other person you know. Things are never easy, it's one's mind that has most of the ability to attract good things and positive changes in one's life. Little did I know, that whining about it was only taking me into a darker and darker space where I could feel nothing but voids of all emotions and disappointments I have had in the 23 years of my life. None of what I say in this page means that I am now going to lead an error-free life, (lol) It only means that I now realise what has to be changed and that there will always be uncertainties in everything that we choose, always. We only have to know that we will eventually get there. Whether it will be now, or after a little bit (I mean, a lot) of crying and complaining, is upto us. Either way works good, provided you always take away something from it.

I haven't exactly had experiences that conclude that I know I'm doing the right thing now, but I sure know that I'm in a happy place now, even if I am alone. My happiness relies on me, my mind, my body, my words and actions. Nobody and nothing has the power to make me feel anything unless I allow it to. I  am the master of my life and I can shape it the way I want, what else would one need to feel "happy"? Nothing can make you happy unless you are happy with yourself. Being hard on oneself is the worst way you can achieve it. I had many thoughts and beliefs which stopped me initially from thinking or doing something different than what was tried and tested (life isn't Dettol, you see). The more I went my own way, the happier it made me. I started feeling a new sense of control and responsibility of how my life turns out to be after this. And I love that. I haven't been this way for most of my life with my family, who I love deeply. I am extremely lucky to have a family that supports me through thick and thin, and that's my most priced possession. I would have continued to lead a successful life, in terms of career if I hadn't left home, I'm sure. But it would have never made me see what I see now, coming out of my shell (that has only cracked recently). I see life very differently now, after learning and speaking with people from all over the world. I feel empowered, I feel there is so much more to do in life than just career. You can be successful, sure, but what if there are bigger things you can be successful in you don't know about! There is so much more than we know (youth is indeed wasted on the young, eh?).

For me, there is happiness in freedom, control and owning up to every action that makes a big change. I strongly believe, that every woman out there (no offence to the gentlemen here) is no less than Durga, Kali. It is only until we are unaware of our capabilities that we allow anything to dominate over us. There is no stopping, when a woman has made her mind. She is a bird that can fly heights, only when she knows she doesn't belong in the cage. And there is no greater man than a man who respects and supports the women in his life (No, this article is not JUST about women, it's just how I want every woman to feel - just like me!). So, that brings me to the point I started with - Yes, I now realise that I am indeed a learned and wise "woman".