Love and Other Things

It has been a while since I invested myself in crafting beautiful words and creating a piece of writing that could be appreciated by others. It has been a while since I have been able to feel like myself if, to begin with, I ever knew who that really was. 

I think as I sit down and write this after almost 6 months from having posted nothing, I know for a fact that I am doing this as an attempt at a conversation with anyone who might read this. If you do have a conversation to build on this, please do feel free to message me. Here is an open rant/perspective on things that have happened. Love, growth, healing and leaving- all come parcelled in one. Just rip the bandage off. 

Let's begin with learning- a lot of it, that has taken place in these past 6 months that I have been away. Relationships have been made and broken, people have been hurt and healed. For me personally, it has been one of the most emotionally taxing yet beautiful months of my life. 

The book, Secret, would always mention that what happens with you is what you attract. It states that the world is a giant magnetic field and we each are our own magnet. The type of energy that we give out to this world, it shall deliver back to us. I was never really a firm believer in it but I always knew that something would happen and prove it otherwise. 

And something did, possibly one of the most precious things of my life came and knocked at my door when I wasn't even expecting anything. Love is something that each one of us wishes to find. Pure no bullshit kinda love. I had always been an old school romantic and I always believed that when I would find someone, it wouldn't be a short term thing. I had loved and been hurt before. Numerous times, left at an 'almost, maybe, sometime later' stage like a lot of you who might read this. But that never made me stop believing in love.

A smart person somewhere once said that
"It isn't love that hurt you darling, it was who you loved. So don't go around tainting love's name." 

In the time and age that we belong to, to romanticize love on the basis of pain and longing and hurt has become a trend if nothing less. People tend to put out stories on various social media platforms which state that 'true love is when you are happy when they are happy, even if they are not with you.' Honestly, that would have to be one of the most messed up lines that I would have ever read. Presently, if you tell me to be happy if my partner would go be with someone else, I would either give you a really cold stare or just tell you to run for your life. 

Love is easy. Being in love though is a story on its own. I have for the past few months found a human who is as crazy, weirdly and deeply in love with me as I am with him. But it is also true that love is not always enough to keep a relationship going. Respect, admiration, giving space and not forgetting yourself as an individual are very important when it comes to being in love. 

However, that does not in any way mean that love is all flowery. When you are so deeply invested with another human being, be it for the first or the fifth time, there is always so much new to learn about each other. And most of the time, this learning does not happen easily. For me personally, there have been numerous amounts so fights and discussions and arguments. There have been angry nights and bad mornings. There has been crying and breakdowns and whatnot. And though in those moments it feels like an eternity to pass through, remember that if your love along with those other things is strong enough, you will come through it, together, even closer than before. And that my friend, is not a myth. 

It is one of the most beautiful things to cry with the person you love. To be completely vulnerable to them and to see them as who they truly are. That moment that you have with them, would always be the richest moment of your relationship. 

What love is teaching me apart from being more understanding and forgiving and accepting is also that you as an individual really don't have to take bullshit from people, if you do not want to. Which brings us to the next part of the learning- Growth, and healing. 

We all have scars that are hidden away, some barely visible and some that we get too good at hiding. These are things no one truly ever knows about us because they make the dark part of us. However, when that someone comes down the lane, willing to accept you including those dark parts- let them.

I think we spend so long trying to build and maintain walls, which though totally necessary, need to just be broken down for some people because they are so very worth it. To have someone who is ready to listen to the bad part of you and not walk away is truly a blessing. And one thing that you would get out of this is healing yourself. For so long when you had put those scars away, you really couldn't dress them properly. It was a bad shabby job, which though might look beautiful from the top, is still very tender on the inside. And now, there is a human standing in front of you with a whole medical kit, asking you where all you've been hurt. At the moment, after your 101 attempts to push them away and they not leaving, let them heal you. It does not make you weak or incompetent or defeated, it only makes you stronger.  

I know that a lot of what this talks about might sound like- 'oh, it means that you can't be independent or that being independent isn't enough'. But I don't mean any of that. This might sound like the most cliched write up ever which talks about how good and understanding love is that it almost might seem stupid. To some level, when I had fallen out of love before I went on and deleted a whole blog page I created because it only reminded me of the love that I had lost. Losing love can make you do crazy things. It can make you hurt yourself and make you believe that you need to change something. Being in love though will make you do stupid shit together, which makes the healing happen faster.  

Sometimes, or rather most of the time, love is taken in a very romantic setting. But that's just insulting it. I believe that love exists in every relationship that you build with an individual. It can have different names and different degrees of it, but some form it is still loving. You love your best friend and your parents and that grocery shop uncle who gives you extra ketchup and the dog in your neighborhood and the old lady who always greets you with a smile in the morning. Don't think that love can only be romantic. 

Sometimes love does hurt us. People who you never thought would leave you, walk away because they need to protect themselves and that is not wrong. Sometimes when you love too much you don't wanna be hurt by that person so you might do something you'd never thought of. But remember that if you were trying to save yourself and ended up hurting the other person, you should still own up to that mistake. 

The fact that you might have been a bad guy in their story doesn't change just cause you don't see it that way. Never define how you hurt someone for them, that my friend is just wrong. 

An apology goes a long way, try it out sometime, even if you might not feel like you did something wrong. If you love enough, you'll know if it's worth it or not. There is so much growth that comes from it, you'd be surprised. 

Instagram and quotes pages are very much relatable these days. People all over the world go through similar emotions and when they put it out, you might just agree to it. Like this essay for some people. There might be a lot of you who get what I'm saying and a lot of you who completely don't seem to understand the need to hype up love. And I honestly would appreciate feedback or views from the later party than the former. 

It is not easy to be with a messed up person. It is not easy to patiently listen to every sad story and every issue that they might have. It is not easy to keep trying to understand the other person and be okay with it. It is not easy to keep your cool with them even when you might just wanna ask them to stay shut for a while. It is not easy to keep loving someone when they can't love themselves. That is the toughest thing to do. 

But when you find someone who is ready to look at every individual flaw that you have, is ready to kiss every scar that is there on your body, is ready to respect and deal with every issue that you throw at them, no matter how logical or illogical and is ready to love you enough for yourself and for them, DO NOT EVER LET THAT PERSON GO. 

Your relationship will go through so many phases of distance and the want to be close or distance even when you're beside each other. There will be times where you might question if you're in a toxic relationship or if you're the one giving more. There will be times when you cannot understand why they wanna be with you, because you can't see the good in you, but always remember, do not question their choice to love you, it is theirs and they are happy to have made it, even when you can't see it for yourself. 

And for the person who has been doing this for me, I hope you know that with every mistake that I have made with you, I have only learned to love you more and even myself just a little extra. You have shown me, in small ways, the type of human that you are and I am so proud that I get to be with you. You will always be enough for me, and I wish you remember that the next time I fight with you on something stupid. 

And for all of you who read this, make a conversation with the people you love and work upon your differences. You cannot fit in with people if you don't bend around for them and ask them to do the same. A puzzle has different shapes for that particular reason. And if you believe that you've never found love, it's going to come to you or rather is probably even present, may not be in the romantic form but in so many other ways that it has to power to exist in. 

Love is the only thing in this world where there should be no pain. And I hope you always have that with you.