You are not alone.

You are not enough. You don't sit properly. You can't understand a simple thing. You don't look nice. You don't deserve this. Do you really think she/he would like you back? You don't need me. I don't need you. How did you get in here? You do not look like you belong amongst us. You can't even eat properly. You do this for yourself, but you never help us out. You spoilt my life. You are a disgrace for us. You are not enough.

How familiar do these words sound to you? A little, very, I really wouldn't know. But I do know this that at some point in your life, you have said these out loud to someone or worst you've heard them every day. These words, though might seem like just words to you, could possibly be the breaking point in someone's life. These words, though just letters put together, have the capacity to crush someone's soul, inside out. Words, through letters, are stronger than any form of art out there in this world.

From the most distant memory that I have of my childhood to the most distinct one I know that I have heard these phrases- sometimes together, sometimes apart and sometimes in one single breath. And let's just put it out there, we all know who says them. Your neighbourhood aunty who loves sitting in her lazy chair, the uncle who gets home late from work, the maid whose body you are supposed to envy, the grandparents who know what is best for you, your friends who don't think before they talk, and sometimes sadly, even your own parents who believe that they are doing it for your own good.

I am not sure what it is that I am writing here or who exactly I wish to reach but I do know this that I am sure I wish to help someone out there in knowing that they are not alone when they go through this.

Now, this may be an informative write up if you are someone who indulges in such practices. You need to know that what you are doing is not okay and do not smirk about it thinking that I am just talking rubbish because I am the one affected. I am affected because you say these things to the people around you. And I am sorry to pop your bubble, but it is possible that people dislike you for it, so you might want to assess your social circle again. It is not right to do this because who puts you on a stand that is higher than anybody else and who made you the king/queen of judgment land when no one even asked for your opinion. It is not okay for you to say bad things to people and make them feel sad about it but go on living a happy life none the less. You are no one to decide who gets to feel good about themselves and who does not. We did not ask for your fakeness or your approval. And I know that some people still care, but honestly, if you keep up this attitude for even a little longer, people will stop caring and then you will know the damage that you have done, not to us but to yourself. I am sorry if this looks like I am dissing you.

I just want to put you under a spotlight which you think makes you different but to actually let you know that you are just being mean. And this goes for any gender out there and for whatever position you may be in someone's life, what you are doing is wrong.

A lot of factors come into play when someone says something unpleasant to you, constantly. For starters and this is what I speak from personal experience, you get lost and you become numb. You suddenly go from being content with yourself to thinking that maybe whatever you were doing or believing in until now was all a facade. You lose yourself under the blanket or inside your pillow or in the corner to try and become invisible so that no one can see you uglier than you think you are. And you tremble and wait and before you know it, you're crying. And you cry for what feels like the longest of times and you can’t get a hold of yourself no matter how much you try. Until the moment you gasp for breath and stop crying for just a few seconds. In those seconds you tell yourself that you are better than this and you try to hold and hug yourself because for now, no one can do it for you.

I am truly sorry if you ever have to go through these moments in your life- no matter what the reason for them may be. I am sorry that you had to break down in life before you could build yourself up again. I am sorry that you had to hear horrible things, things which let me tell you, are not true. I am sorry that you had to be alone. But one thing that I have learned is that you are never alone, it is all about picking that phone up and calling or texting the people closest to you because, in some weird way, they will understand. And even if they have no idea what to say to you at that moment, they are there to listen to you, to provide an extra pair of hands to hold you and they are there to let you know that you are okay- and sometimes even that is enough.

After every breakdown, we begin on a journey to reach back to the point that we have been at. This takes almost every single power and energy cell in your body. It takes your mind, your soul, your faith and your belief to pick yourself up again. What I say next is also completely an individual belief, but food for thought for you. The one thing that has helped me through every worst of my times has been love. Before you begin to think of love in a very conventional way, I want to bring your attention to a different definition of it. 

For starters, you have the love that you give to yourself and then there is the love that you accept from others. And I believe that is a weird ratio proportion of this that helps one stay in check.

So, I asked myself the question- where do we find love? And after months of trying to figure out, I figured where I went wrong in my question. We don’t find love, it finds us. Love finds you when you least expect it when you believe that there is nothing left to go on for. Love finds you in those shy texts and hidden glances, in the brushing of hands and bolds hugs that last just a second longer. Love finds you through the person who becomes your everything, and this can even be your best friend. Love finds you in the family you make from being 3 crazy roommates. Love finds you in flying kisses and in words because sometimes action is just not enough. Love finds you in promises to never leave you alone. Love finds you in the way that you feel when they say your name and love finds you in the eyes of the person who is lucky to have found. Love finds you in the mention of love itself.

Sometimes, love finds you and so you just got to stop looking for it and wait for it to show itself. There is always love within you, sometimes you just must look deeper than before. Love can be in the most beautiful place of nature, it is there in eyes and smiles of people around you and it is there in the smell of books. Love also funnily finds you in a stationary shop or in the writing of poetry. It will find you everywhere if you choose to look for it. Change the way you define love and you will see that it is everywhere. And though this sounds super cliché I know, I still choose to believe in it, while you believe in yours.

I still don’t know what it was that I aimed to achieve by writing this, but I do know that in some way the people I am talking about and talking to know what I mean, I hope you do at least. I am just trying to tell you that you are not alone, in whatever you maybe be going through in life. You have all the strength in you to rise above what some people say about you. You have love around you all the time you just have to accept it in every form it shows.

 Do not surround yourself with demons that bring you down, they are supposed to stay under your feet for a reason. Distance yourself, grow love.

And at the end of the day, always remember, you are enough for yourself. Always. Because nobody else truly matters.