LOVE HURTS! BUT STILL I WANT IT REAL BAD!

I had been preparing a lot harder for the final viva for my IT course and finally the time have arrived. I had put on my best dress, and got my hair strait and looked into the mirror and said to myself," you are prepared well! You can do it. You have cleared all the chapters and now, lets kill the viva". So, I took my bag and went towads the college.

I was really nervous at first, for my finals. and finally my turn came. I went inside the exam hall, where the examinars were sitting. And I met one of the most incredible man on earth for the first time in my life during my final viva exam hall, he was the external examiner. He was in black outfit and he was really looking adorable with his confidence. All my nervousness vanished, as he was so polite and gentle. The viva went just fine.. and I was really very happy that First, the viva, went awesome. And second, the examiner was, so good with me that I wished I could marry him.

After that, I went directly to home, and searched for him in facebook for more than an hour and finally got him. I sent him a friend request and checked his profile. He accepted my friend request as I was going though his profile. I saw in his profile that he is married and have a daughter of 1.5 yrs of age. I was little sad, that he was already married but still, I had an eager to know him more. So, I texted him," hi!". And he replied,'hello' Immediately and we started our first conversation.

We started chatting a lot from the first week onwarda. And I realised that Mine and his passions were almost same. It had been one month since we were chatting and suddenly he asked," Can I have your whatsapp number, if you don't mine." and i shared! He texted in my whats app," Don't mine but I can only text you when I am in college. I hope you will be okay with it." I agree to that and we became so close within a few days that we began to chat through out the days.. and we often started to miss each other on weekends.

But we only had friendship between us only for those days and later,it all began to change. We fell for each other! In between, we meet in a shopping mall but it was not a pre-planned one. My parents were wth me. So, I introducd him to them. They were very happy, meeting him. I along with my mother prepared special rice and dal with spicy curry, salad, paneer, and Mango pickle for him. He appreciated our food a lot, and kept on babbling about it for more than a week.

Later, we planned to meet one day and luckily we did. We went for a long drive but he was really silent and I was sure that something was bothering in his mind. So, at that time, I asked him," why are you so silent? What is cooking in your mind?" I asked him in a funny sense. After a short pause he replied ," I cannot loose you, please don't ever leave me. You always makes me feel alive.

So, I want to spent my precious time with you." I smiled and replied, "don't worry, I will never leave you alone." I was really very happy and at the same time sad because he was already married and I felt like, I am cheating with him in his life so, when I stepped out of the car, I promised myself that I wont contact or meet him any more.

I didn't texted him nor accepted his calls for 1 week but I couldn't hold myself any more, because I truely loved him and I really felt bad when he was trying to reach me so hard. So, I picked up my phone and called him. As soon as he accepted the call, he said to me.," I got married ten years ago, she was my best friend at that time, and she had an affair with a guy and the other guy ditched him and as I was her best friend.

So, I do understand her feelings as I had been with her bad times and one day I proposed her for marrage and she accepted it. Only because she was very heart broken by the accident and I wanted to see a smile on her face again.

And please don't worry he said, because I love you a lot and I am getting an divorce with my wife, because she is not at all happy with me and I will marry you after that. Just believe in me, like I believe in you!"- After hearing this," tears fall out of my eyes and said," I love you more! And I always believed in you, I still believe and always will." And we hung up our call. I was just crying that whole day.

Again Everythng was back to normal but once in between while I was out of station for a couple of days. And during those days, I was not able to be in touch wth him completely.

So, when I came back after 3 weeks, there was some changes in his behavior. I asked him many times.,"Dear, Is everthing okay?" but he didn't tell me anything. I got angry and fustruated. Finally,I stopped talking to him. And after a few days he called me and at That time, he said," I will disclose everthng to you today. The thing was, that a month's back, I had an acute chest pain.

So, went to a lanoratory and went through some checkups. And the results were not good." I asked him,"So, then why are you not sharin your problems with me? Don't forget that I am always there for you." He hung up the call and later a text came from him- " I am having some heart problems. And I might die anytime. And if I marry you, your life might get spoiled. So, better if you stay away from me." I immediately tried to call him back but his phone was already switched off. And I went to sleep, but I couldn't sleep that whole night.

The next day, I went to him in his room in early morning and hold his hand and told him,"I will always be there for you whatever the situation is! Don't try to run away from me." but he replied," sorry, but we can't be together, I cannot accept you as my wife, I don't know, when will I die, and I cannot throw such a huge burden on you." I just couldn't say anything to him and cried a lot and begged him," please don't leave me!" But he had already fixed his mind.

And asked me one terrible question," what will you do, if anthing happens to me? Because after my death your parents will not be able to take care of you, as they were already too old. And if I die. You will have no one by your side. And I will not let this happen to you. So, its better for you if you forget me." And tears started falling from his eyes, he tries his best to hide those tears but he couldn't. I said," I can never forget you. Please stay with me." I convinced him a lot as he means a lot to me but he don't wants to be a part of me anymore.

It had been four months and still I am waiting for his call. I know I lost him but still my heart don't want to accept it! He will always have a special place in my life.

I just opened my Facebook and wrote in big letters, "I need you. Let me take care of you. And I hope that soon, I will get you back in my life. Love you forever! And I hope u also love me too!" Hoping that after reading it he might return back in my life. And I wrote in my cover area of my profile "Love Hurts! But still I want it real bad!"

/based on true story