Love;like that only!

You make your decisions, you stand on your own feet, you pull yourself up when you fall down, and you have your shit done together.

You have always been this way, always been okay on your own. And you are continually looking for ways to be even more self-sufficient, to carve your own life path, to do what you want.

But you also love. And love terribly, beautifully, completely. You love with a passion that’s sickening. A consuming knotting, mess of emotion that interweaves you with another person. A Love that twists your feelings, throws you upside-down, and makes you put your faith and stubbornness and fiercely independent self in the hands of this other person.

There are two thing you want;

 i. To be your own person, and 

ii. To Love, but you want them just as equally. 

You crave that sense of self, the ability to not have to depend on anyone else for the love, you mesh your life with another’s person’s. And this both thrills and terrifies you.

Your world then become an inner battle. You quiet your stubborn mind and give your heart into love. You find yourself curling into this person’s lap like a puppy, craving his touch, his kiss. Falling. You become the woman that confindes in a man, the woman that leans on a man when she’s feeling lost, the woman that thinks of this man equality, if not before herself. This is beautiful. This is love

But then you suddenly balk. You feel weak, dependent, breakable. You have become the woman that let a man in who trusted him, who can easily be crushed by the same hands that touch her. So you swing to the other side. You pull away. You spend time alone. Just recharging, remembering, that sense of self. Letting go.

You live in this place of tensions – what you want and who you are, what you are becoming and yet so scared to be.

You are an independent woman. Yet, you cannot be afraid, cannot be resisit to love.

P. S- Surrender yourself to someone who cherish every scars of yours and who is willing to find his wilderness in your independence.

Find someone like that only!