Mental health

I’m an introvert.Yes, I possess strong opinions. Yes, I can be overly talkative. Yes, I spent a year standing in front of  a classroom teaching students. And yes, I am an introvert. Completely. And this fact, combined with anxiety, causes me to either pretend, or retreat. There’s not much in between.

When I’m anxious, I often don’t know where to start. I make to-do lists, but can’t prioritize. I clean my room in an attempt to get my life under control. My chest hurts. I cry.

There's a constant throbbing in my head that repeats the words, "You're not good enough."

I struggle with fear of abandonment. My mind works in a way that if someone hasn’t contacted me, or replied to a message, or answered their phone, I automatically jump to the worst possible conclusion. This can range from me thinking they are pissed off with me to thinking they have died in a horrible accident.

That’s my anxiety talking. 

I know how irrational that might sound to most of you — it sounds irrational to me too— but it’s the way I am.

My only defense is I care deeply, and the thought of losing someone I care about terrifies me.

I can also be a very cynical person. I often assume people are only being nice to me because they want something from me. It takes so much for me to completely trust people.

Knowing me can be confusing — I get that — but, if you have read this far and still agree to stay, I Love You. Don’t stop trying. Please keep inviting me out, even if I decline the offer. And please — above all — let me be me with all my flaws, and I promise you: you will have a friend for life.