My Sunflower Girl (Chap 13)

Doubt

Vivek, Dheeraj and I hooked up like the three claws of trident, we were together in school in almost all things. Although we had been good friends since junior classes but now we were closer than ever, the mean machines or tridevs of senior high school.

Sitting on the bench, I aimed a chalk on Deepak and threw it hard. Chalk crossed the distance in no second, missing the target crashed into Komal’s right ears.

She was sitting on the row just ahead of Deepak.

Komal hissed, half in pain and half in fury covering her ear by her hands.

She turned back cursing the culprit as she scanned the whole back benchers. I held both my ears with my hands. “Sorry.” I said without noise just moving my lips.

Vivek whispered something to Dheeraj pointing towards me and Komal.

“Romeo and Juliet have started again.” He said. And I punched on his thigh beneath the table making him whimper in pain.

“What?” She said. I never knew and still I’m not sure, do girls really have poor sense of judgment or they just pretend that they are dumb.

I by mistake hit her by chalk, I say sorry now why this “What” for.

“Turn around ma’am is seeing you.” I tried to gesture. But she was too late to understand.

“Komal, what is it going? Will you tell us all?” Mrs. Shah snapped

She turned around puzzled. “Nothing ma’am.” She said ducking her head low.

“If it’s nothing important then please be kind enough to pay attention to my lecture, I’ll be grateful.” Mrs. Shah spoke again in pleading tone that sounded no less than a threat and Vivek and Dheeraj chuckled behind their closed lips.

The day was going slow with back to back boring lectures. Just after Physics lesson we were having our chemistry class. Chemistry had never been among my nicest subject. In fact I hated it with all my guts. Isn’t it heavy enough to remember all metals name; now you have to cram their atomic mass, atomic number and what happens when two chemicals react, organic, inorganic etc, etc…

I was dead bored to listen anything more about the chemicals so I struck back to my old ways. I have to be such a nuisance, forcing the teacher to put me out of the classroom, giving back my freedom.

Tilting my head on my arm, resting on the table, I arched my other hand back for the perfect hard shot and threw another piece of chalk on Prachi. She was the nerd of our class. Parrot for books and a puppet for teacher. She was the queen of flattery.

This time it hit the acquired target, smashing on her head.

“Aww” she groaned in her shrill voice, as if someone had stabbed her with a knife.

“What’s going on in class today? Mrs. Shah rattled as the class giggled at the raspy pained voice of Prachi.

“Ma’am someone hit me with chalk.” She complained.

Mrs. Shah slammed the book on her table and took out the glasses off her eyes.

“Who threw the chalk?” She demanded in her chemical coarse voice.

Everyone looked at each other trying to read each other’s face, as who did what. Komal looked at me accusingly but with a smile. After a minute of eye dogging when no one told who threw the chalk, Mrs. Shah’s temper agitated.

“It’s the last time I’m asking who threw the chalk? The one who did it, get up on or else whole class will have to go to the principal’s office.” She said folding her hands as an army sergeant in command.

Seeing the right moment and temperature around, I got up off my seat.

“Sorry ma’am." I obediently said, making the world sound too heavy of guilt.

“Do you think its fun class going?” She scolded.

Oh I wish. “I just wanted to ask for a pen.”

“Is this the way to ask for pen? You’ll remain standing throughout this period.” She said, and took her book back in her hands, continuing the thermodynamics lecture.

It didn’t quite turn the way I had planned. I wanted myself out of the classroom.

“But ma’am I was just asking for a pen.” I interrupted again hoping to irk her temper and getting myself kicked out.

“Shut your mouth, I don’t want to hear a word from you”

Prachi smiled viciously at me.

I looked down at the floor for seconds giving hint to our chemically retarded teacher of her triumph over me and then as soon as she began her lecture I interrupted again.

“But ma’am…”

“Get out of my class.” She yelled her lungs out as soon as the word came out of my mouth.

“I don’t know how these duffers managed to pass tenth.” She jabbered in furry as I obediently followed her command, tiptoeing out of the class. Mrs. Shah never liked me and I always disgusted her.

I ran out towards the sports field as soon as I was out of the class room and luckily 11th B had their sports period.

As usual I went up to the badminton court; it was occupied by girls.

Meera, Gayatri, Manisha and Pragya were having their match, jumping excitedly like a five year kid on every shot they played. Couple of guys and girls stood off the court enjoying the terribly funny match of theirs.

I spotted Vishwas at the corner of the court gazing the ongoing match with eyes consistently stalking Meera.

Vishwas gazing Meera offended me in certain way and that wasn’t the first time. I felt conscious of someone staring at my best friend but this time it was different.

His eyes were sternly fixed on her as if glued to her. Each smile on Meera’s face broadened the smile on his face too and their mutual smiling symphony brought a stingy sensation to me.

“I went straight to Vishwas and followed his gaze.

“She’s not that kind of girl.” Words came out of mouth without thinking.
Startled by my words, he looked at me confused. “Oh Nivaan, what are you doing here?”
“Bunking.” I said, my eyes now on match. “She’s not that kind of girl.” I repeated straightly hitting the point.
He laughed at my words as if I cracked a funny joke and his lighthearted laughter irked my anger.
“What’s there to laugh?”
“What do you mean by she’s not that kind of girl?” He said awkwardly.
“I meant what you heard.” I folded my arms over my chest. “If you’re thinking of her then don’t, she’s not that kind of girl.”
He turned back towards Meera then again towards me, putting his arm around my shoulder. The furry in me had turned so intense that one more mocking word off his mouth and I would have not given a second thought in smashing his face.
“Nivaan, it’s not like that.” Sincerely he said. “You don’t have to worry in that sort for your friend, at least not in my case because I’m her friend as well.” He said smiling eligibly but his words.
“You don’t know her the way I know. She’s just not mere friend to me, she means a lot much then a friend and I can’t see her like…” I did not know what exactly I meant to say. In one line simply if I could say, I would have warned him on hitting on her.
“Don’t worry I’ll never be the one to hurt your friend.” He said, turning towards the court loosening his hand off my shoulder.”
I imagined something like this would be foolish.

So I changed up my mind, tried to ignore him and let him witness, while I crashed into the match.

Nevertheless, I began hating him more.

*****

I spend my time imagining a world that I have left behind. It was the world with her, a life by her side. I often imagined then what if I had stayed? Could I have changed the things? Was it possible that she would have fallen for me, if only I stayed?

The wings of wishes can never be tamed, same happens with me. I cannot help but think of all possibilities. Though I knew that the day I decided of leaving her behind, that this very action will destroy the mere possibility of our ever getting together but I had to do it.

Moreover I turned into a hooligan, walking in the streets in Almora wasn’t possible without attracting glares.

When I made up my decision to move on to another town far from her presence, I sworn to myself that I would give my life another chance, I won’t think of her. I will never think of Almora.

“A new place- a new life” Had been my resolution.

But was I really prepared for that to happen? To forget her! To come out of Almora or was it even possible?

I physically did move on from the place but a part of me still lived in Almora, The place where I lived my entire childhood and the fresh years of my adulthood. Since then I have been living with an unusual strange longing.

I wanted to be far away from there, from her yet I longed to be in her breaths.

Was it just a mad quest for love? Was it?
No it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.
It was more.
It has never been just about Meera.