Real Friends

I've put everything on line.
Efforts and feelings I gave it to you.
All the criticisms and stabs I took with a smile.
All the pain that's been with me for a while.
I told myself I need to sacrifice a lot for our friendship, to show you my loyalty.
Swallowing my pride
Doing everything
Doing the best as I can
To show you how you are important to me.

I thought we're friends
I thought you have my back
I thought you would be the one to boost me up
I thought I'm equal

But why do I feel so fucking small around you
Why do I feel so alone when I'm with you
Why do I only exist when you need me
And disappear when you don't?

I don't know what to do anymore
To fight for this friendship or not.
What hurts the most? Loosing you? Or the fact that you won't be bothered at all if you lost me.

I couldn't look you in the eye
Nor could I stand your presence
I feel alone
I feel so sad
I feel so betrayed
I feel so small
I feel so empty
I feel so used.

History repeats itself I guess.
Or did I let history do this to me twice?

Am I really that important.
Rather, do I need someone to make me feel important?
Answer is, No.

I am important
I am loved
They aren't the only people that could love me
They aren't the only people that could understand me
They aren't the only people who can take the pain away.

There's a lot more.
A lot more.

And your First friend?
Yourself. 😊