Second

Essential                       

But not cardinal

Great

But not perfect

The number two

Such a sad number

The level of "almost-ness"

So close

Yet

So far

The feeling of being good enough

But simply not the best

The feeling of being cute

But not beautiful

The feeling of being liked

But never loved

Lukewarm

Average

Mediocre

Just Okay...

I was okay with just being

Okay...

I was fine with just being

Second.

Until finally,

I wasn't

I thought you would appear into my life like a missile.

Sudden.

Catching me off guard

Instead you came like the melting wax of a candlestick.

Dripping slowly

But filling surely.

The butterflies came one by one.

Two by two

Until they completely consumed me.

My fantasies were filled with your laugh

Your smile

Your hair

Your eyes

You.

These silly fantasies made me believe that

Maybe,

For the first time

I can actually be number one.

For the first time

Be first.

Your first

But no.

I may be the one you glance at

The one you smile at

The one who makes your tummy feel funny

The one who catches your eye

But I'm not the one you long for

Not the reason you smile

Not the one who makes your whole body weak

Not the one who caught your heart.

I'm just here to make you feel good about yourself

I'm only here to boost your ego

To be a pushover and give you what you want....

A second option

A number two.