Support Systems? Check!

They say that when introverts hate, they write oceans and oceans of thoughts. They'll chop you into a thousand pieces without using a physical weapon, but with their words, penned down on a piece of paper they'll burn and flush away. That's how introverts express pain and hatred.

That's how they calm themselves because they've realised by this time that the world is just another circus where people love to watch you jump through one fire hoop into another and, when, your little pink dress catches fire, while your bicycle flies from one corner to another, and lands on a fellow ballerina's head, they'll look. They'll gasp and they'll frown. But not a single soul will care enough to separate their fat asses from those metal benches and walk down a few stairs with a bucket of water.

That's what people realise when they grow up. That's what I realised. That is exactly what you guys made me realise. Thank you.

It's been some time since we met. 3 years? 4 years? Eh! Doesn't matter. Well, it would have, hadn't I discovered something… important. Let's not jump to that, for we started weak and grew strong in all these years.

I never had any best friends. Never believed in the concept, because for me, the term ‘close friends’ was what mattered. I would rather have five close ones than one best and millions of just friends, who are active only on social media and never in person, who don't recognise you when you cross paths on a busy metro station, with the voice in the train reciting, “Next station is Rajiv Chowk. Doors will open on the left. Please mind the gap” - this was what I used to think.

Somehow, you guys crossed the ‘just friends’ line and entered an area preserved and quiet. You entered a place known to hide things in the stomach, a place I felt safe in. I'm glad we met because the times spent with you guys have been some of those I'll cherish for life.

I remember the food fests, the book fests, the weekly outings to that food stall near college, the lift to the metro station in the car, the meetings, the daily chit chat, the visits to your homes which included the mouth watering lunch and sandwiches and pasta and coffee, and lastly, my personal favourite, the WhatsApp group name: Support Systems? Check!

What’s more important were the teachings you guys provided. You taught me that you always have my back. How to handle people, faculties, how to share without feeling awkward, you taught me that I shouldn’t depend on people. Wait! You didn't teach me all of those. I learnt it on my own, in your company. Just like I learnt how people can be two faced, by being in your company. How my happiness is only mine, my sorrows are only mine, my excitements are only mine, in your company. I learnt how to differentiate between people, that I need to change myself for the good, that you never know a person's true identity even after years of friendship, in your company. That people have this ability to step back when you need them the most. In. Your. Company.

I know, I know, I have received such lessons long before you guys entered. But maybe, this time the shock and the impact was huge. Because the people creating the impact were you. The ones making me learn this the hard way were you.

It's funny, how people change. And that's what I learnt from not just you, but everyone I came across. Everyone's selfish and ignorant and opinionated about other people's lives. Everyone thinks they have the right to say anything, that they have the right to interfere. Honestly, they don't. No one has.

I wouldn’t wish to go back in time and change things because everything happens for a reason. I’m glad we met, we became friends, we cherished a lot of moments together. Whatever happened, taught me a lot of things and it was one of the best learnings I have received till date.

But, when it comes to the group name, ‘Support Systems? Check!’, for me, it has changed to ‘Support Systems? Check?????’, because I don’t need a label on who I have as support systems, because, honestly, I doubt us. And when it comes to sharing feelings and thoughts with you guys, or sharing what’s happening in my life, I don’t think that will ever be the same. Because we did start weak, we did grow strong but, we have ended up the weakest.