Teach Me How To Say Goodbye

i.

The walls were stained with God knows what fluids. The tiles are all cracked under my feet. One slight misstep would cause my face to meet the ground. 

There were a lot of people. The sick and the waiting. 

There is a beat. A rhythm to the bleepings. But no melody.

An orchestra of mockery in the face of the hoping.

All piercing sharps and depressing flats.

I hear another one heaving. Steady agonized breathing. 

Like a fish almost at the water surface. Gasping for life. 

An old man, shriveled skin, thin gray hair

Alone in the mess of beeping machines 

No one left to witness his last final breath

A cousin sway the flimsy curtain that barely separates

similar scenes of pitiful bare existence

I see my aunt. 

Her thread of life reduced to plastic pipes

Her breathing labored

She is not here anymore,

She is still alive

But she is already not

ii.

NO 

NO

NO

PLEASE THIS IS NOT HAPPENING

TOO SOON

SHE'S TOO YOUNG

SHE STILL HAVE SO MANY PLANS

SHE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO LIFE 

SHE'S ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT LIVING 

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO THE BEST OF US

I NEED A MIRACLE

THEY SAY A MIRACLE ONLY HAPPENS ONCE IN A PERSON"S LIFE

LET THIS BE MINE 

LET THIS BE MINE FOR HER

PLEASE SAVE HER

GOD

PLEASE

SHE NEEDS TO LIVE

PLEASE

please

please... 

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Note: Mini-narrative

This was originally a mental poem I had while I was in the hospital waiting for the time when they would cut off the life support of my aunt. It was very devastating. A part of me wants to separate myself from everything because it was too painful to process and I know for a fact that the day after that, we all have to live with the fact that my aunt would not be with us anymore. Another part of me is desperately pleading for some divine intervention. That maybe if I prayed hard enough, she would be alright. I was raging against the dying of her light. Still, her life was snuffed out. I was holding her hand when she died. I was the last witness of her being alive. If that's what you can call it. 

Our whole family and relatives were all shocked by how quick my aunt's condition deteriorated. She was in her early 30s and was the youngest of the 11 siblings. It was specially heartbreaking since earlier in the year, my grandmother also passed away. We dearly love both of them and I cherish them both because they were the most supportive of me specially in my studies. I still get emotional every time I think of how they won't witness me graduating in college. I made a lot of promises to treat them once I get a job. Sadly, those promises will never be fulfilled and perhaps, that's what pains me the most. I planned to write a more beautiful poem to cherish my aunt and my grandma's life, but for now, this is all I can do. I will try and live the best I can knowing that heaven just gained two more beautiful souls.