The Eventide You Left

The scene of you and I in the middle of the rain inside the school while you plead to me to accept the life you’re offering me was still clear and fresh to me like it happened just weeks ago. I could still vividly remember how you stood in the middle of the school ground while your body was damped with the rain. I hurled to you furiously for allowing yourself soaked in the cold rain.

I could still remember the feeling that I submerged in the moment you kneeled after I faced right to you and asked me the question that offered me your world when all I wanted was your heart, solely. I cried for disbelief letting loose of the umbrella from my right hand. So you stood and wiped the tears my eyes released even when it was still raining. You’ve sworn me the love any woman would die hearing for.

I could clearly see how your eyes looked the moment you asked me to answer your question while the morsels of your muscles were shivering. Seeing the rest of my life from those brown eyes, I said “yes”. So you leaped and jumped out of happiness while swooshing away the water beneath us like a kid in his first play under the rain. You carried me with my head higher than yours while your mouth uttered the words, “Thank you!” You kissed me and that was my first. That was actually a day filled with firsts. First boyfriend, the first time I said yes over a guy, and the first kiss.

It was actually the first romantic thing a guy did to me. Perhaps because I never permitted anyone’s love to affectionate me nor to feed into their amorous desires of having me.

You were every reason why I changed. Every reason why metanoia accumulated to me. The very reason why I came to understand that life can also be lived sweetly despite the perils lurking from every shades of this cruel world.

But I never knew you were one of them. I thought you were worth settling for. I thought I can rely on you, cry on you and to sleep with you. I never saw Dr. Jekyll inside you. And it was too late.

It was August. A night of August as I can still remember. You asked me if you could go and hang out with your friends and I thought it was sweet (for a guy to ask his lady’s permission) so I said yes. There was fire burning in your eyes and I’ve never seen you as excited as before. But because I trusted you, there was never a suspicion sparked at the back of my mind.

10:30 PM

Someone went knocking my door but I never dared to stand and open it. Instead, I rolled myself more in the bed for I never expected you to visit me coz there wasn’t any message from you in my inbox. Brrrrrr. My phone rang seconds after the knocking stopped. It was Angela who was Angelo then. He nagged up against me for not opening the door. For wrapping myself at such comfort while he ran meters away just to tell something important to me personally. So I went downstairs, opened the door asked him about the exigency of such matter. He sat on the couch and scribbled on his phone.

“You woke me in the middle of such hour just to update something on Facebook?”

“Wait, no!”

“So what’s so exigent that you cannot leave that one for tomorrow?”

“Here,” He handed me his phone.

For a moment, everything around me stopped. Everything was lost in my vision except Angela’s phone playing the sight of you and a basic slut in a children’s playground. Wow! In a children’s playground. Great! And you know what Mond? 150 people were already watching you both live!

I felt something inside was crumpled like there was an actual hand holding it ready to pound it to pieces. Every piece of your betrayal soothed to me like a suffocating thick smoke. I could not get a hold of myself, my breath and my heart. Trouble was accumulating in every organs I have inside me.

Mond, was there a thing in our relationship that I failed to suffice? Was my love not enough? Am I not enough? Am I not enough for you? To you? Mond, you got no idea how much I was hurt that time.

For weeks, I never talked to you nor responded over your messages. I already forgave you. But I still cannot face you during those times. Perhaps, I never had absolutely forgiven you.

September 3

My birthday was due to kick off in 2 days’ time already yet I feel empty. I still haven’t talked to you yet. Sometimes you gotta run that pride of you to heal what’s wounded.

I was out on our rooftop glaring up for the stars. I never knew how good it was to be outside under a dark 

To be continued...