The innocence

Back when I was still innocent of the things I no longer am.
Before time became so valuable and I could give a longer damn.
I didn't have the things that most kids had,
No family, no mom, no sibs, no dad.
But what I did have, thank God, cuz it saved my life.
Was this girl , my god, made up of rays of light.
A prettiness in a life scared, and filled with death.
Picture this-blonde light hair, a smile, eyes that just steeled my breath.
Not so much a distraction, but more like a focus.
I felt attraction right? hope it goes for both of us.
-The innocence-
No matter the abuse, I took the night before.
One look at her and I would hurt no more.
Get lost in daydreams of what life should be,
Write my last name after her name was GayleMarie.
I was mesmerised  by those eyes, I  memorized distant skies
-and the innocence-
We must've lost touch while I was lost in my dreams, cuz one day she was gone. No more rays of light, no more beams.
Life took us on our paths so we would learn our lessons, our own journeys with the wrath and the blessings.
Despite the many hells that I've resided in,
Or tripped up in sin, there goes pride again...
I brought her with me through the bullshit I could never escape.
She was my own personal hero, get this girl a Cape!
Her light just couldn't, wouldn't ever fade.
Illuminating my darkness since the first grade.
-The innocence-
Decades passed by while life took over our dreams.
The only thing we control is who we have on our teams.
I always wondered what happened to her, did she still shine?
Do I ever cross her mind, like she did mine?
Is she happy?Appreciated? Know her worth?
Did someone hurt her?Discourage her? Or even worse?
I wished that I could find her, talk to her, and let her know.
How she helped me, saved me, all those years ago.
I'd ask her if she felt the spark I felt back in the day?
Or if what I felt was just a game my mind would play.
-On my innocence-
Accomplishments, failures, we both had each astonishments tailored God into beliefs,
Through miracles undeniable in times of grief.
You can't go back because times a thief.
I wondered if she'd remember me if our paths ever crossed?
Or if time stole me from her memory, and the past is lost?
Fate answered my question when the darkness returned.
to answer questions about lessons, I should have already learned.
The monotony of my misery kept on daring me.
Suicidal thoughts so clear to me, kept on scaring me.
If I was going to fight, I needed light, to stage an intervention.
Right then my phone rang, someone online, just gave me a mention.
In the form of a new friend request.
Its true, my heart just leapt from my chest.
Did I just get saved again from the inevitable fight,
That could only be won with the help of incredible light?
-And the innocence-
I swore this time I wouldn't let my same ol demons,
Have their way.
no time to play, this is my season, get outta my way.
I wanted to tell her all the ugly truths, about my life.
How I've failed myself, I'm dying, and I lost my wife.
Honestly, I'd die to see honesty, for once speak up,
And try to be, not so modestly, unable to admonish me, and just beat up
All the bullshit, I usually tell people from my past.
I finally get it, the nail I hit it, why lies are lethal, and make connection die so fast. This girl who was my world, so long ago,
never knew, not a clue, she just had to know.
How much she meant, how I'm in debt, because of her light.
How her memory, was a best friend to me, this time how can I get it right? What I feel I owe, her
Is so clear, I cant let it go.
My life will feel wasted and worthless, like I took her memory and disgraced it,
she'll just have to face it, my life's at her service.
I owe it to the innocence.
because forever ago we'll remain,
the innocents...