To the friend who forgot me

To the friend who forgot me after getting a boyfriend,

I miss you. You may be busy right now, going to places where you would've gone with me and doing things that we only used to gossip about. I am so happy that you finally found somebody that you were looking for, that you finally let somebody inside that closed heart of yours. I am grateful that you found another confidante who is there with you, and for you, always.

I was there the day you you proposed him, the roses and the candles were just perfect for you. In that moment, I could see the future days flash in front of my eyes. I knew that I would no longer be your priority or your late night midnight call. In that moment, even in that happiness, a wave of sadness washed over me. I knew I had lost you, that I was now a nothing. In that moment, I realised that a persons feeling can be a paradox too, happy and sad at the same time.

I barely see you now. I would drop by your house unannounced at any time of the day. But now, I have to call atleast twice to know your plans. Previously, just a phone call would make us reach places we'd never seen before. Now, you barely even reply to a message, let alone a phone call. Even in the time we are together, all you can do is talk and talk about him. I know that you are glad, that you are now loved even more than before but I can't help but wish for us to be back the way we were.

I don't resent the fact that you are now in a relationship. I am genuinely glad for you. But I wish you knew how to maintain both, your relationship and your friendship. I know it isn't right of me to say this, but perhaps your boyfriend may leave you, and then all you'll be left with will be your friends. We both know his past and we both know that love can turn to hate in just a second these days.

You say that I should get a boyfriend too, that I should feel what you feel. But looking at you, at your happiness and your blissful ignorance to other matters makes me think that perhaps I don't want a part of it at all. That I am happy just the way I am, that I don't want to invest in something that may or not last. Its not that I can't get a boyfriend. Its that I don't want one. All this time, I thought that having a friend can change you entirely, like I did, but now I think that getting a boyfriend can change you even more, and I don't want to anymore.

I just wish we could sort it all out. Maybe its not too late, for both you and me. So all I can say now is, Thank You, for helping me through some of the worst months I had, for being with me and for bringing me out of the shell of introvertism. Thank you.

Your friend, who now feels alone.