To My Almost and To Her Absolute

Lost myself, how to find it?
Problem about love is that when you gave your trust, love, and even your body or everything to someone you truly love you will never get it back again. All my life I just wanted to hear you calling me names like my love, my everything and my future Mrs. insert your surname, but for now? It seems to be blurry.
Seems like she captures your heart again, seems like you run back into her arms without thinking I am still holding yours. Seems like I lost you, and I lose a tricky game called LOVE.

For you, I am just a chapter of your story, I am just a supporting character never be the main character or your leading lady, but for me? You were the whole book, from the table of contents until index your name is metioned in every page and in every chapter I wrote those happy moments that we shared when she was still not yet back in the track of your life. Nothing exciting in my written book, it is just a story of me being always an option of yours never been the priority and me as just literally me and her as yours.

You have no idea how my heart races when we first met at a fast food chain and at that very moment I paused a bit and I told my self that I just found the one and you also have no idea how my heart breaks and shattered when I heared that you will be marrying her and just time past by the love of my life marries the girl of his life. I just wish that I am that luck girl, but it will never be me because in the first place she comes first in your life, she's the number one, and she's the letter A and me? I was the one who fixed you when she break you.

But still, thank you for the broken heart and broken promises. Thank you for making me experienced what butterflies in the stomach feels like.
To my anchor, to my inspiration in surviving this fucking life and to my almost, I love you so much that to the point of being selfish here I am being selfless. You are a fire I played with, I got burned and still I apologized to it. Wishing you and her the best of luck of this life together with your baby.

Love,
Selfless me JFR.