To The Man Who Will Love Me

To the man who will love me,

When you first meet me, you will land on my crust. You will see me as someone who always has a smile on her face and a laugh to accompany with that. You will feel that you are being appreciated as I never fail to tell you your worth. You will see how sweet and caring I can be even if there is no label between us yet. As you get to know me more, you will know that I am not a typical woman. If you accept, I will let you dive deeper into my upper mantle, and an ecdysis will gradually happen. This will let you see a speck of truth of who I really am. I will excitedly tell you about what's in my mind when I philosophize; how far and deep could my imagination go. I will tell you all my memorable moments as well as the funny and awkward ones. You might think I'm a bit weird when I tell you what I have done out of curiosity when I was young, like when I cooked my pregnant fish alive and sliced its belly to see the eggs, and then cried afterwards for a couple of days because I felt guilty. But, despite knowing that, you will still keep on talking to me and will eventually enter to my lower mantle. This time, another ecdysis will happen. You will know my dreams and my plans-- like how I've always wanted to travel different countries for their culture and food, or how I've always wanted to be an astronaut, and you will tell me that everyone dreamed of being an astronaut once in their life. You will know the lessons I've learned in my life, like how it's better not to mind other people's business or how to always look on both sides of a situation or how to look before you jump. You think you already know how my mind works but once you keep on talking to me more until it will become a part of your daily routine, you will fall into my outer core. This core will show you more of who I truly am. You will see that a part of the girl who you first met contradicts the girl you know now. Not many survives this part of me.They usually can't stand it, but you will. This is the time when you will see half of my dark side. You will have a glimpse of my well. You will hear a strange melancholic sound coming from the pit of that well. I will cause you stress and might hurt your feelings. You will see how needy I can get and how I always overthink. I will make the little mistakes a big deal and you will know how sensitive I am. I will get pissed easily and sometimes be cold to you. I will try to push you away as I think you deserve someone better. But you will still stay, you will try to save me. When you do this, you will get into my inner core which is a place where no one has ever survived. This is the time when the process of ecdysis will be finished. You will see my naked truth. You will go to the well and you will see that it is I who's making the noise. You will see how fucked up my life is and how terrible my past experiences are. I will make you cry and I will get mad over silly things. You will think that I am too much. You will hear my cry often and you will know how high maintenance I can get-- not with luxuries but with time and love. I am not who you expected to be. I will become a burden to you and unknowingly try to push you out of my life. I will always say sorry. I can not control my mind. I always think of the worst. I will get mad when another girl makes you happy, not because I don't trust you, but because I know how replaceable I am. Remember when I told you I wanted to be an astronaut? Well it is because I just want to leave Earth, it doesn't need me.The time that you will truly know me is the time that I will need you the most. No one has ever entered this part of me. No one has ever seen my true self. Despite how heavy I can be, I just want you to know that I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. You will make the fires of my life bearable, that walking on that burning coal is like walking on a field of roses. I will forget my pain for awhile when i'm with you. I am begging you to stay with me while you hold my hand as I reach the finish line of this burning coal. I beg you to understand me as I understand you, that no matter how much pain you will give me, I will still stay with you too. I am in love with you, unconditionally. I will leave everything and give up everything for you. This part of me will make you realize how I truly love. That even if I constantly think that I am a burden to you and that you deserve someone better, I will not give you to that someone, instead I will be better for you. They'll think I am crazy but they haven't felt real love yet. I beg you to love me even at the times when I will be too difficult to love. I beg you to not give up. I don't beg someone to stay, but with you, please stay.